CHAPTER 3

(AHVI'S POINT OF VIEW)

Not wanting to feel a thing gets even harder when I'm sitting across from him at the dinner table. When I get a sniff of his scent, I can feel my hands tremble around the spoon. Is this even a normal reaction? I know I like him but I'm not usually this sensitive, when did it get like this? I'm suddenly hyper-aware of every move he makes; every glance he sends my way across the table.

"Are you okay, Ahvi?" David, my step dad breaks me out of my daydream, resulting in a jerk that makes me drop my spoon and make an awful sound. I cringe.

I look at him with a smile, it's the least I can do. "I'm fine, David," I take a glance across the table; Vance has stopped eating and is just watching me with his predatory green eyes. They make me uncomfortable but in a good way. Makes this pool of fervor spread in my stomach and down south.

"You have barely touched your food." He continues, being the kind, caring stepfather he has always been since the day he came into my life ten years ago but I wonder how he will look at me when he finds out the look his son sends me across the table gets me feverish and clench my legs.

"Raven and I had something to eat before I came home, maybe that's why I'm not really hungry," I lied through my teeth. I just want to leave the damn table and go up to my room and probably die in my sleep.

"It's not good to waste food, you know. I taught you that," My mom finally decides to make her presence known on the table. "You should have just said you aren't hungry!"

"I'm sorry!" I blurt out, feeling my anxiety coming up again, I can feel it in my throat.

"You don't have to be so hard on her. I noticed Ahvi hasn't been herself lately. Probably because she's stressed from her performances and studies. That's a lot of pressure," David speaks and I agree but his son makes the top list of why I'm stressed out.

"I told her not to figure skate, didn't I?" Mom hisses.

"It's not any different from ballet," I counter, and harshly she drops her fork on the plate and sends me a glare.

"Calm down, no fighting on the dinner table. We've established that," David cuts in. He's always the peacemaker between us because we're at each other's throats 7/24. Probably that's why she doesn't care that I'm choked up with an anxiety disorder or care to attend any of my performances. David looks at me but I interrupt before he can say anything.

"I'm fine, David. I'm taking the pills the doctor gave me," Though they don't do much when Vance's around.

"If you're too overwhelmed, just quit. Everyone does it," Mom speaks and I just wish she doesn't.

"It takes 9 years to join the Olympics. I'm not going to throw that away. If my anxiety gets worse, Katherina can always take me to the hospital. You don't have to worry about leaving your office to attend to me,"

It's always about work for her. She's always here and there but never when I need her. It got worse when we moved cities and left my grandma's house when I was 10. I don't know who my dad is and I don't care to find out, David is doing a pretty good job.

The dinner table goes quiet with an ear-slipping silence till David breaks it with the clearing of his throat and asks. "When's your next performance? It mesmerizing to see you perform,"

My Mom sends him a glare. Clearly, his question isn't helping the situation but it brings out a genuine smile in me.

"In three months hopefully. It's a national championship and I have to take first, second, or third place to qualify. If it works out, I'm joining the Olympics after I graduate," I retort with a sudden spurt of excitement.

"I'm sure you are going to do great. We'll be cheering for you,"

When David says we, I look over at Vance to find a tiny smile at the corner of his lips. I realize he never stopped looking at me. A blush creeps to my cheeks, planting them a rosy red.

*~*

Next day comes in drag, it's lagging and agonizing. I finish my morning routine around 8 on a Saturday morning and hike down the stairs with my black backpack on my shoulders, dressed in a sleeveless crop top, a pair of pants, and sneakers.

"Going somewhere?"

I abruptly go to a standstill as Vance appears out of nowhere. Thank God he's dressed.

"Yeah, I have practice today." I walk past him. Staying a minute longer in his presence makes me want to jump on him.

"Do you want me to drop you?"

"No!" I retort quickly with a swirl. "I'm taking the bus,"

A slight scowl owns his face. "A bus? I thought you have a personal driver and aren't you some sort of celebrity?"

And I can drive, he forgets to add that part.

"I may be popular but I'm just a regular person and I'm wearing a mask and a bucket hat so no one's going to recognize me," I say but the look he gives me isn't approving at all. "Please, I just want to take the bus, makes me feel normal," when he doesn't say anything more, I turn to leave again.

"Ahvi,"

The bolt of electricity that goes through my body is overwhelming at the sound of my name on his lips. It feels phenomenal and makes goosebumps rise on my skin.

Again I turn, just in time as a coat is thrown over my face. When I bring it down, I see him already going up the stairs.

"You expose too much skin, Ahvi," he says over his shoulder and disappears.

I look down at the coat and a smile spreads across my face. I throw it over my shoulders and make a tiny run for the door.

It's just a normal gesture, something a big step-brother would do. Right?