The wind whips haphazardly through my hair as I make the short walk to school. It’s uncharacteristically warm for January, but the wind is still brutal. I yank my hood back up over my head, clutching the drawstrings of my hoodie against my chest to keep it in place. I quicken my pace, hoping to make it to the campus coffee shop in time to grab something to drink before the first bell rings.
Four more months, that’s all that I have left. I can do this.
When I reach campus, I veer toward the coffee shop in the middle of the class buildings, rushing into the small coffee shop, pulling my phone out of my pocket to see where Eva is, and if she wants me to get her anything. After sending off a quick text I step into the back of the line, waiting patiently for my turn. It seems like most of the kids in school had the same idea I did this morning. I look around aimlessly, taking in the cozy air of the coffee shop. People are mingling around, talking, and joking together. I’ve never really been one for small talk, it’s always been difficult for me to make friends because of my inability to be casual. As a kid, I tended to deter most people my age, and attract much older people. After a few less-than-stellar run-ins with people I didn’t want in my life, I kept to myself. It seemed way safer than the sum of my experiences thus far.
“Shea!” I turned to see Eva practically skipping toward me, her dark, perfectly styled hair bouncing behind her. “Did you order yet?” Her rosy cheeks and bright eyes make her look much younger than she is. I always envied her bring eyes and a carefree attitude. I was never able to portray that. As a child, my mother would chastise me for my serious expression and expressionless look. She would tell me I looked unapproachable, and if I wasn’t careful I would have wrinkles before I turned twenty. I’ve always considered myself plain, with dull grey eyes and dark hair, nothing about me is particularly interesting except for the stark streaks of blue I decided to put in my hair over Christmas break.
“I haven’t, I was hoping you’d get here before I had to.” I smile, and she returns a smile of her own. We step up to the counter together and order quickly. Eva gets something cold and sweet, and I order myself a black coffee with a small amount of cream splashed on top
“I don’t know how you drink that.” Eva turns her nose up in distaste as I take a drink of my coffee, enjoying the way it singes my throat on the way down and sends warmth tumbling through my stomach. I take another big sip, letting out a satisfied sigh and giving Eva a lopsided grin. She sticks her tongue out in disgust and I can’t help but chuckle at her.
“Good morning girls.”
A hand closes over my shoulder and it takes everything inside of me not to jump out of my skin at the touch. Dread fills my chest, and I feel what little color I had in my face leave as I make eye contact with Eva.
“What do you want Jacob?” Eva’s tone is challenging as she straightens her shoulders and looks up at him with an irritated look on his face.
“I was just coming over to tell Shea I liked what she did with her hair over break.”
Finally, I find it in myself to step out of his embrace, turning my body out of his reach to stand next to my friend. I keep my eyes glued to the floor at my feet, unable to look at Jacob. I hear him chuckle to himself and the feelings in my gut tighten around my stomach, threatening to turn the coffee I just consumed, sour.
“Okay, well, you told her.” Eva waves her hand dismissively. “Now bye.”
Without another word, Eva threads her arm through mine and whisks me out of the coffee shop. Once we are safely on our way to class she lowers her voice so only I can hear her. “Are you okay babe? You looked spooked.”
Now that we were out in the fresh air, I felt like I could breathe again. The knots in my stomach were coming undone, and my coffee was no longer threatening to make a second appearance. “I’m fine,” I said plainly. I could tell Eva didn’t believe me, but one of my favorite things about her was that she never asked too many questions.
When we met two years ago, I was in the midst of trying to be as invisible as possible. I didn’t want anyone to know I existed. Eva always said that it was what drew her to me. She saw me sitting outside one day, reading at lunch, and she said I looked like I needed her in my life. I don’t think she will ever know how true that was. When the annoying brunette sat down next to me and started talking. At first, all I wanted was for her to leave me alone. But after the next few weeks of sitting together at lunch, I found myself looking forward to seeing her. She was easy to talk to, and never pushed me too hard to talk. Our friendship worked so well because most of the time she did the talking. I loved to listen to all of the gossip and random stories she told me.
Just then the first bell rang.
“Shit, I’m not ready to do the school thing again. I miss winter break already.” I walked with Eva to her locker. She dropped off her bag and grabbed her first two periods’ worth of books, and then we headed down the next corridor to my locker.
“But we only have a few months left until we graduate.” I reminded her. Opening my own locker, I grabbed a notebook and my first-period book before taking my time to organize everything so it would be easier to grab as the school day progressed.
“Speaking of, did you hear there’s a senior party this weekend at Chad’s parents’ lake house?” She smiles broadly, bouncing on the balls of her feet excitedly.
“No, I didn’t.” I stayed away from parties as much as possible. They weren’t really my thing. Lots of people, alcohol, drugs, and sex; not my cup of tea.
“We HAVE to go! And before you say no, I’m pulling the ‘you owe me’ card. We didn’t go to any of the parties over winter break because you didn’t want to, and I am desperate!”
I rolled my eyes, closing my locker. “I don’t know… I hate parties.”
“I know, I know, but we only have a few months left! We should make the most of it!” She gives me a big smile, batting her eyelashes at me endearingly.
“I hate to say it, Ev, I don’t have a dick, that doesn’t really work on me…”
She giggles and throws an arm around my shoulder. “You don’t have to have a dick to be pulled in by my charm!” She kisses my cheek and I can’t help but laugh. “Come on, we don’t have to stay all night, if you really have a terrible time, we can leave.”
“Fine…” I say reluctantly. Eva is right, we don’t do enough stuff she wants to do. She spends a lot of time doing the things I want and I rarely offer to head out of my comfort zone and do stuff with her.
“Yay! Okay, let’s ditch last period on Friday and go back to my house and get ready!”
After another minute of planning, the second warning bell sounds and we part ways to head to each of our own classes.
The cool fall air brushes gently against my face, rustling the trees off in the distance. The sounds of the party behind me fell aggressively through the screen door tumbling into the backyard of the big house. I don't know why I came here. It's not like I know anyone, or have any desire to know anyone. So far, freshman year of high school has been boring, and I can't manage to bring myself to care.The red solo cup in my hands feels awkward and out of place. I pull my legs up under my body, sinking farther into one of the lawn chairs arranged on the deck of the house. The music pours aggressively through the open screen door, cascading in a disorganized stream of bass drops and some weird house music I've never been into. I can hear people inside laughing and screaming as they move through the house without inhibition.I close my eyes, leaning back into the chair. I should probably get going here soon, I didn't exactly tell my p
"What do you think of this dress?" Eva parades out of her closet in a beautiful navy blue knee-length dress. Her dark hair falls in silky waves down her back, and her eyes sparkle with their normal luster. This is the 5th dress she's tried on since we got to her house almost two hours ago."I think you look amazing."She sighs heavily, sinking onto the corner of her bed next to me. "You've said that about all of the dresses Shea! You aren't helping me decide in the slightest!" She shoves my shoulder playfully and I can't help but smile."Okay, fine... let me think..." I look at the small pile of dresses on the bed next to me. "I liked the red lace one on you best. It ma
Can't wait to see you tonight bb! x - TiffanyI type back a quick reply letting her know we will be leaving soon and I'll see her at the party. I scroll through social media absently, getting irritated. I'm regretting my choice to wait outside by the car for the girls. It's been almost ten minutes since Eva said she and Shea would be out in five minutes. Now that it was after six the air had an uncomfortable chill to it. I run my fingers through my hair in annoyance, looking back to the house again. Where the hell are they? Why does it have to take girls so damn long to get ready?Just then all of my irritation melts away as the front door opens and Shea and my sister step out. I feel an uncomfortable tightness form in my chest when Shea smiles
I hate it here.The moment Eva and I stepped into the house it was all I could do to not turn right back around and leave. Eva hadn't let go of my hand until we were deep inside the house and walking into the kitchen. It was like she could sense that I was ready to bolt. I couldn't tell if her touch was meant to be reassuring or a means by which she kept me hostage."Here." She said, handing me a bottle of water. We had established a long time ago that I didn't drink, and I was thankful she never expected me to explain myself, and she never pressured me to do anything I didn't want to. "Let's go sit in the dining room and you can help me make fun of all the couples sucking face."
When I woke up the next morning my head was pounding. The house was unfamiliar and quiet, and I stood quickly, having to steady myself against the wall to keep from falling over as my senses were overloaded by intense nausea. I took a moment to look around the room. I was alone, but I couldn't tell if that made me feel better or worse. Quietly opening the door, I slipped out into the hallway, trying to recall what happened the night before. My memory felt fuzzy and locked up, and my body was sore. I made my way slowly down the stairs, twisting my hair up on top of my head to keep the ratty mess out of my face.In the living room, there were a few people sleeping still on the floor and on the couch. They all looked to be in various states of disarray and undress, most of the boys were shirtless, and some of the girls seemed to be too. I wa
I'm not sure what I walked in on when I found Shea in the hallway upstairs, but once Jacob was gone, and I went to check on her, the sound of her quiet sobs was heart-shattering. I scooped her up in my arms and found the nearest bedroom that I could get into. She clung to me fiercely, and when I tried to set her down on the bed her arms shot out around my neck, holding my body to hers."Shea," I said quietly, repositioning us so that I could hold her in my lap. "Shea, I need to know if he hurt you." Rage was building behind my eyes, and concern settled in my stomach, sending a type of panic through my veins that I wasn't used to. Part of me wanted to leave her up here and go find Jacob and punch him in the face. But I was glued to this spot, praying that I could do something to soothe Shea's soul-piercing sobs.
I sit alone, quietly, in the car waiting for Luke to come back out from the house. I did exactly as he said and locked the doors as soon as his back was turned. When I'm alone I have time to process the events of the evening thus far. I feel so small sitting in the old Taurus alone. My eyes sting and my face hurts after crying so hard. I can feel fatigue setting into my body, and I lean my head back closing my eyes.I don't know how long I sit in the car alone, the silence feels like it stretches out forever. I keep replaying Jacob's words in my head."My brother has told me some wild stories about your younger days."I felt the numbness creeping in, my chest w
Shea took my hand when I offered it to help her out of the car, and she didn't pull away from me when I kept ahold of her as we headed into my Aunt's old diner. When Eva and I were children, my other used to bring us here all of the time. Any time we went shopping at the big outlet malls or took a day trip to the zoo we always swing by her sister's diner on the way home.When my mom died three years ago, Ev and I still made it a habit to come out here as much as we could. As soon as we got our licenses almost every weekend we would come to have Sunday lunch with Aunt Rosie. Her diner felt like an extension of home, but almost always left me feeling a little sad. Right after mom died, and Eva and I would come, I could almost imagine hearing my mother sitting at the bar, gossiping with Aunt Rosie about family drama or the people that