The Echo of Abuse and Love

The wind whips haphazardly through my hair as I make the short walk to school. It’s uncharacteristically warm for January, but the wind is still brutal. I yank my hood back up over my head, clutching the drawstrings of my hoodie against my chest to keep it in place. I quicken my pace, hoping to make it to the campus coffee shop in time to grab something to drink before the first bell rings.

Four more months, that’s all that I have left. I can do this.

When I reach campus, I veer toward the coffee shop in the middle of the class buildings, rushing into the small coffee shop, pulling my phone out of my pocket to see where Eva is, and if she wants me to get her anything. After sending off a quick text I step into the back of the line, waiting patiently for my turn. It seems like most of the kids in school had the same idea I did this morning. I look around aimlessly, taking in the cozy air of the coffee shop. People are mingling around, talking, and joking together. I’ve never really been one for small talk, it’s always been difficult for me to make friends because of my inability to be casual. As a kid, I tended to deter most people my age, and attract much older people. After a few less-than-stellar run-ins with people I didn’t want in my life, I kept to myself. It seemed way safer than the sum of my experiences thus far. 

“Shea!” I turned to see Eva practically skipping toward me, her dark, perfectly styled hair bouncing behind her. “Did you order yet?” Her rosy cheeks and bright eyes make her look much younger than she is. I always envied her bring eyes and a carefree attitude. I was never able to portray that. As a child, my mother would chastise me for my serious expression and expressionless look. She would tell me I looked unapproachable, and if I wasn’t careful I would have wrinkles before I turned twenty. I’ve always considered myself plain, with dull grey eyes and dark hair, nothing about me is particularly interesting except for the stark streaks of blue I decided to put in my hair over Christmas break. 

“I haven’t, I was hoping you’d get here before I had to.” I smile, and she returns a smile of her own. We step up to the counter together and order quickly. Eva gets something cold and sweet, and I order myself a black coffee with a small amount of cream splashed on top

“I don’t know how you drink that.” Eva turns her nose up in distaste as I take a drink of my coffee, enjoying the way it singes my throat on the way down and sends warmth tumbling through my stomach. I take another big sip, letting out a satisfied sigh and giving Eva a lopsided grin. She sticks her tongue out in disgust and I can’t help but chuckle at her. 

“Good morning girls.”

A hand closes over my shoulder and it takes everything inside of me not to jump out of my skin at the touch. Dread fills my chest, and I feel what little color I had in my face leave as I make eye contact with Eva.

“What do you want Jacob?” Eva’s tone is challenging as she straightens her shoulders and looks up at him with an irritated look on his face. 

“I was just coming over to tell Shea I liked what she did with her hair over break.”

Finally, I find it in myself to step out of his embrace, turning my body out of his reach to stand next to my friend. I keep my eyes glued to the floor at my feet, unable to look at Jacob. I hear him chuckle to himself and the feelings in my gut tighten around my stomach, threatening to turn the coffee I just consumed, sour. 

“Okay, well, you told her.” Eva waves her hand dismissively. “Now bye.”

Without another word, Eva threads her arm through mine and whisks me out of the coffee shop. Once we are safely on our way to class she lowers her voice so only I can hear her. “Are you okay babe? You looked spooked.”

Now that we were out in the fresh air, I felt like I could breathe again. The knots in my stomach were coming undone, and my coffee was no longer threatening to make a second appearance. “I’m fine,” I said plainly. I could tell Eva didn’t believe me, but one of my favorite things about her was that she never asked too many questions.

 When we met two years ago, I was in the midst of trying to be as invisible as possible. I didn’t want anyone to know I existed. Eva always said that it was what drew her to me. She saw me sitting outside one day, reading at lunch, and she said I looked like I needed her in my life. I don’t think she will ever know how true that was. When the annoying brunette sat down next to me and started talking. At first, all I wanted was for her to leave me alone. But after the next few weeks of sitting together at lunch, I found myself looking forward to seeing her. She was easy to talk to, and never pushed me too hard to talk. Our friendship worked so well because most of the time she did the talking. I loved to listen to all of the gossip and random stories she told me. 

Just then the first bell rang.

“Shit, I’m not ready to do the school thing again. I miss winter break already.” I walked with Eva to her locker. She dropped off her bag and grabbed her first two periods’ worth of books, and then we headed down the next corridor to my locker. 

“But we only have a few months left until we graduate.” I reminded her. Opening my own locker, I grabbed a notebook and my first-period book before taking my time to organize everything so it would be easier to grab as the school day progressed. 

“Speaking of, did you hear there’s a senior party this weekend at Chad’s parents’ lake house?” She smiles broadly, bouncing on the balls of her feet excitedly.

“No, I didn’t.” I stayed away from parties as much as possible. They weren’t really my thing. Lots of people, alcohol, drugs, and sex; not my cup of tea.

“We HAVE to go! And before you say no, I’m pulling the ‘you owe me’ card. We didn’t go to any of the parties over winter break because you didn’t want to, and I am desperate!”

I rolled my eyes, closing my locker. “I don’t know… I hate parties.”

“I know, I know, but we only have a few months left! We should make the most of it!” She gives me a big smile, batting her eyelashes at me endearingly. 

“I hate to say it, Ev, I don’t have a dick, that doesn’t really work on me…”

She giggles and throws an arm around my shoulder. “You don’t have to have a dick to be pulled in by my charm!” She kisses my cheek and I can’t help but laugh. “Come on, we don’t have to stay all night, if you really have a terrible time, we can leave.”

“Fine…” I say reluctantly. Eva is right, we don’t do enough stuff she wants to do. She spends a lot of time doing the things I want and I rarely offer to head out of my comfort zone and do stuff with her. 

“Yay! Okay, let’s ditch last period on Friday and go back to my house and get ready!”

After another minute of planning, the second warning bell sounds and we part ways to head to each of our own classes.