Trying to let go.

Caroline 

The moment I got home, I curled up on the living room couch. My knees were pulled to my chest and I let myself cry in a way I hadn't cried before. 

Three years. Three years of trying to make everything work, wishing and hoping as time went on, he would love me. 

What a waste of time. 

While I was still working in his company, I'd never imagined I would get married to my CEO. I was ordinary and invisible. Serena had pushed an aggressive expansion deal against the board's advice, certain she knew what she was doing. But when the results came out catastrophic, she let Nate take the fallout instead of herself. Then he traveled. 

I tried my best. Staying up late nights, looking for the major issue that could unwind the damage. It wasn't easy. No single department was able to resolve it. I did it. 

Nate's gratitude was so genuine. I became popular at work afterwards and his father was pleased to see me. I never imagined it would lead to marriage. I thought he loved me. But I was wrong. It was a debt he felt honor bound to repay by marrying me, rather than a feeling he'd chosen. 

My phone rang, cutting me through the memory lane. Claudia's name lit up the screen. 

“Hey.” I wiped my tears, as if she could see me. 

“Caroline!” Her voice came out rushed and squeaky. 

“Are you okay?” I sniffed quietly. 

“Don't freak out but I think I just found something. A strategy position opened up at Vance corp and this one's better. Not even a junior desk job. I already mentioned your name to a contact there.”

My eyes sparkled and I sat alert on the couch. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. Don't thank me yet. Let's talk properly. Come to my house tomorrow. Okay? I'm busy at work right now.”

“Okay. That's a good idea.”

“Caroline—” she paused before she continued. “Are you okay?”

My chest clenched. “I…I believe so.”

“Alright. I'll call you soon. Goodbye.”

I hung up and kept my phone on the center of the table. Then I closed my eyes to sleep. 

Moments later, my eyes fluttered open, I woke up to see I was laying on our bed and not on the couch. How did I get here? Nate walked out from the closet, dressed in casual clothes. His hair was wet like he'd taken a shower. 

“Hey. I had to carry you here. You were laying on your neck downstairs.” He walked slowly towards the bed, his biceps flexed as he rubbed his hair softly, then sat on the edge. I realized I was still angry and looked away.

“When did you get back? What do you want?” I folded my arms, my lips twisted. 

He took a deep breath. “Not long ago.” He studied me for a while before he crossed over and leaned in to give me a kiss on my lips.

I pulled back instinctively, my heart racing. “Nate, we need to talk about what happened earlier, at the lounge.”

“Caroline.” He exhaled, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

My heart was aching for an apology. I was ready to still give him another chance if only he'd come clean to me and change. 

“Caroline, can we not talk about this?” His hands slid to my waist. 

I knew what he wanted. Sex. 

“When then, when are you going to talk about it? You never want to.” My brows furrowed. 

“You're overreacting.” His voice was low, it carried that particular soft tone reserved for problems he didn't think were worth solving. 

“Nate…” I whispered, my voice was already trailing off when he began to nuzzle my neck and touch me. A soft sigh escaped my lips. “Nate, it's serious to me.”

He looked into my eyes. “I miss you.” He cupped my breast and for a moment, I considered whether giving in tonight might actually change something. I told myself I was testing him, watching to see if he would stay afterward, I kissed him back. 

Some minutes later, he collapsed on the bed, the sound of our breathing filled the air and I pulled the duvet up to my chest. I watched Nate lying on his sides, his breath was soft beside me, I was desperately waiting for him to pull me into his chest. Instead he picked up his phone. 

“Nate, won't you…at least cuddle me?” my voice cracked. 

Silence stretched between us. He murmured. “I'm tired.” 

I looked away in disbelief and squinted my eyes to secretly look into his phone screen. He was chatting with someone. The name was Serena. My lips parted. I felt stupid and pathetic. I laid back on my pillow, promising not to shed a damn tear. I cried enough this morning. My finger curled into the duvet like they could tear straight through it. He's not worth it. Staying with Nate is a huge waste of time. 

Something inside me went clear and still. 

Nate won't see me after tomorrow. 

This would be the end of our loveless marriage.