Chapter 14

Clare

I watched Joss walk away from me.

No.

Not away from me.

Toward her.

Arielle.

My jaw tightened as I watched him cross the ballroom.

He didn’t hesitate.

The moment he saw her upset, everything else ceased to matter.

The conversations around him.

The pack members watching.

Even me.

All that mattered was Arielle.

I hated it.

I hated the way his expression softened when he looked at her.

I hated the concern in his eyes.

I hated the way he reached for her hands as though he couldn’t stand seeing her hurt.

And most of all…

I hated how naturally she allowed him to comfort her.

She didn’t have to fight for his attention.

She didn’t have to ask for it.

She already had it.

Four years of it.

I watched as Joss stood in front of her, speaking quietly.

Arielle eventually pulled her hands away.

For one brief moment, I felt hopeful.

Maybe she was angry enough to push him away.

Maybe she would make things easier for me.

Then Tori stepped in.

Of course she did.

She wrapped her arms around Arielle and pulled her away from Joss.

I watched Joss stare after them.

He looked worried.

Almost lost.

My fingers tightened around my glass.

This was not what I wanted to see.

I wanted Joss thinking about me.

I wanted him wondering where I was.

I wanted him wanting to find me.

Instead, every instinct he had seemed to lead him back to Arielle.

She was his first thought.

His first concern.

His first choice.

Even now.

I glanced around the ballroom.

Several people were watching them.

Some looked sympathetic toward Arielle.

Others were watching me.

I could almost hear what they were thinking.

Poor Clare.

She’s the second mate.

Arielle is the real Luna.

A second mate.

Always second.

The thought made anger burn through me.

I didn’t want their pity.

I didn’t want to be the woman everyone felt sorry for.

I wanted Joss.

And I wanted to matter to him.

Not eventually.

Not when Arielle was unavailable.

Now.

My wolf stirred restlessly.

Mate.

I closed my eyes for a moment.

Yes.

He was my mate too.

Then why did I feel like an intruder?

Why was I the one standing alone while Arielle had his heart, his history and his loyalty?

I opened my eyes.

Across the room, Joss was still watching Arielle.

She was crying into Tori’s shoulder.

His entire body was tense.

He wanted to go to her.

I could see it.

I could feel it through the bond.

I hated that feeling.

I hated knowing that while I was standing here thinking about him, he was thinking about her.

Something had to change.

I couldn’t simply wait for Joss to decide what to do.

If I waited, Arielle would always come first.

She would always have an excuse for him to choose her.

She was his Luna.

His first mate.

The woman he’d loved for four years.

I couldn’t compete with that by simply standing in the background.

I needed to become part of his everyday life.

I needed him to get used to having me around.

I needed him to see me.

Not as the woman who had appeared unexpectedly at his party.

Not as a problem he needed to solve.

As his mate.

I looked toward Joss again.

He finally turned away from Arielle.

For the first time since I’d met him, his eyes found mine.

The pull between us immediately intensified.

His expression changed.

Confusion.

Desire.

Guilt.

He looked away.

I smiled faintly.

There it was.

The bond.

He could try to ignore it.

He could try to put Arielle first every time.

But he couldn’t erase what existed between us.

And I wasn’t going to let him forget it.

I walked toward him.

He watched me approach.

“Clare.”

“Joss.”

His expression was guarded.

“Are you all right?”

I almost laughed.

He was asking if I was all right.

After everything that had happened, he was worried about me too.

“I am now.”

His eyebrows pulled together.

“What does that mean?”

“It means I don’t want to spend tonight fighting with anyone.”

I glanced toward Arielle.

She was still with Tori.

“I don’t want to hurt her.”

Joss looked relieved.

“Thank you.”

“But I need something from you.”

His expression became cautious.

“What?”

“Time.”

He stared at me.

“Time?”

“Time to get to know my mate.”

He hesitated.

I could see the conflict immediately.

He wanted to say no.

But the bond was pulling him toward me.

“I don’t think tonight is the right time.”

“Why?”

“Because Arielle is upset.”

I looked at him.

There it was again.

Arielle.

Always Arielle.

I forced myself not to show my irritation.

“I understand.”

I smiled.

“But I think you should know something.”

“What?”

“I won’t pressure you.”

He looked surprised.

“I won’t demand anything from you tonight.”

His shoulders relaxed slightly.

“But I also won’t disappear.”

His expression tightened again.

“I know.”

“I think eventually you’ll realise that spending time with me doesn’t mean you love Arielle any less.”

He said nothing.

I stepped closer.

“You don’t have to choose tonight.”

I lowered my voice.

“But you also can’t spend the rest of your life pretending I’m not your mate.”

He looked away.

I could see the guilt on his face.

I almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

Then I looked toward Arielle again.

She was watching us.

Our eyes met.

I saw fear in hers.

And suddenly, I knew exactly what I needed to do.

Not tonight.

Not openly.

But slowly.

Carefully.

I would make myself part of Joss’s life.

I would find reasons for him to spend time with me.

I’d ask him about his pack.

I’d ask for his help.

I’d learn what mattered to him.

I’d make sure he saw me whenever he turned around.

And eventually, spending time with me would become normal.

Arielle would have to accept it.

Because I wasn’t asking permission.

I was his mate too.

And if Arielle thought being his first mate meant she could keep him entirely for herself…

She was about to learn just how wrong she was.

I looked at Joss one more time.

He was still conflicted.

Still worried about Arielle.

Still trying desperately to do the right thing.

I smiled.

He didn’t understand it yet.

But I did.

This wasn’t going to be won in one night.

It would be won slowly.

One conversation.

One moment.

One reason to be together at a time.

And eventually, I would make sure that when Joss looked around the room…

he wouldn’t see only Arielle.

He would see me too.

Because I refused to spend the rest of my life being second.