Chapter IV: MIGUEL

            It had been three years since I was sent by my parents to study Bible school and I knew it would be a great opportunity for me to take the footprints of my dad to become a pastor in our congregation and I would be having my internship this semester which one of the requirements was to immerse ourselves to the community. This was a boarding school where students were taught the fundamentals of Christianity and would love our lives in selfless availability on the mission to serve Christ to His people.

            Here I was serving the purpose and dream of my parents. Obedience to their words had become the guiding rule which I needed to follow. I had met a lot of challenges to be here and I had to finish this course so I could proceed to my secular education which I dreamed to become a nurse.

            It’s 5:30 in the morning, and my board mates were still in their beds. These people I had with were just like anybody else—some were good boys, other, stubborn where in fact they had so many violations encountered here in the pastoral school and I was one of them. Of course, I did not make it to the point that I would be called by parents.

            Anyway, we still had our immersion class at 8:30 A.M. I needed to fix my bed and prepare my things. I loved this place where mountain views were just our reach and the morning breeze was cold which almost tightened our skins to numb. It would be better to wear jacket and coat.

            Our room had three-double deck beds and I was on top of this bed now. These people were unbothered when they would be late or not. But for me, I had to go to the shower. I went down carefully as not to bother Efren, one of the secretive friends of mine who often brought his girlfriend here unnoticed by many and last time he was not around in the campus where in fact he was here inside the room with his girlfriend. Efren was almost kicked out for he was caught drunk during those days he was so depressed for he was cooled off by his two-year girlfriend but luckily he was given another chance to continue studying here. Anyway, the one whom he had bed with was his new one.

            The other side of our bed was Daniel, the fitness enthusiast who was so concerned to maintain his body physique and was eyed by most girls in the campus but I noticed he had a feminine side of his personality. On top was George who was the child prodigy in our batch where he knew every passage in the scripture and had joined a lot of literary competitions. He was too perfectionist in everything he did and his family had one of the mega churches in Samar.

            On the last bed near the bathroom was Andrew and Paul whom I met during the enrolment. They were once enemies I assumed when Paul inserted the long line of students for he was in a hurry but Andrew was one of the bravest students in the crowd to scold him. They had heated arguments and the crowd had their hisses and ridicules towards Andrew. Then, they had their fist fights which eventually mediated by school personnel. These two almost not granted to be in the semester for what happened. But now, they befriended each other when we reached our sophomore years.

            We had shared so many memories together here and I was pleased to have them as my batch mates. I wished we could be sent in the same community. I eyed them on their beds except for Paul who I thought he would be out having his morning jogging.

            My feet landed on the cold surface of the floor and placed my palms together and create friction to make me feel the warmth on my skin. I stepped forward and noticed the door of the bathroom was ajar. The light was off but there it was dimly-lit by a device. I took a closer look at what’s inside and I saw Paul watching something on his phone while his right hand sinned, I sighed discreetly.

            I coughed to make him notice that I was outside waiting. I heard his phone fall on the ground which made him feel terrified of my presence perhaps.

            “You should’ve locked the door,” I said, lowering my voice as not to be heard by others who were asleep.

            It took three minutes before he went out the bathroom. He had his final flush in the toilet bowl as if he had his call of nature duty. He went out topless, hiding his phone inside his T-shirts which he thought I did not notice.

            He smiled as he saw me. “Hi, Miguel. Does it take you long to wait me finish?” Paul smirked, staring at me feeling nervous.

“No,” I just took a short glimpse to him.

“Okay, then,” he went back to his bed, folding his clothes.

            I closed and locked the door. I could sniff the heavy air of his sweat inside the room. I let the faucet flow the cold water inside the pail. I took my shower and briefly went out for I knew others would still use this bathroom.

            Everyone started to get up and had their morning routine. Paul stole a glimpse at me for he knew he did something undesirable. Well, this was not my first time seeing him do this. There was also a moment I saw him giggling with the lower year student—Alex going to the abandoned comfort room afar together which I was near the library window on the second floor which could be visibly seen the distant view of the fence. It took thirty minutes for them to go out which made me wonder what the hell they had done inside in the C.R. for half hour. 

            It was really suspicious but I just ignored what he was doing.

            The crowd was getting noisier as everyone in the canteen had their seats and chats together. I was lining up to have my orders for my breakfast. I checked my watch 7:15 A.M. Okay, it’s still early to have our immersion orientation this 8:30 A.M.

            My eyes were filled with gladness when Glenda, the young lady in the cashier, smiled back when she saw me. Her eyes hid a secret Garden of Eden where her soul was Eve born out from the cottage of my ribs, her Adam, her soulmate, I sighed.

            I had known Glenda since first year and we became good friends, and she knew I sought permission to woo her. Since then, I became her admirer.

            “Hi, Glenda,” one of the Senior students, Brandon greeted her. I was just five persons away from her.

            “Good morning, Brandon. You look bright and inspired today,” Brenda replied, pressing the calculator for the meal he ordered.

         “What could be the other reasons as I was welcomed by your beautiful smile?” his face almost reached an inch from her.          

            “Again, Brandon. You’re too naughty and your total bill is sixty-five pesos,” Glenda stepped aback as she stated his bill.

    He shelled out a hundred peso and gave it to her. “Here, Glenda,” his eyes squinted with pleasure as he handed the money.

            I just sighed in the corner and waited for him to disappear. Brandon stole a touch on Glenda’s porcelain-like cheeks. My face went red but I only controlled what I felt. I wanted to punch his chubby face. I was trying to kill him inside my head.

            As the kitchen staff had placed my breakfast meal, I carefully pushed the tray forward as not to spill the hot cup of coffee on the metal bars which served as guide toward the cashier station where Glenda was busy computing and collecting bills.

            “Good morning, Miguel,” her voice brought calmness on my emotional turbulence to Brandon.

            “You, Okay?” I asked, staring at her angelic face.

            “I am fine.” She lowered her gaze to check my meal and computed it.

            “I hate seeing Brandon touching you without respect,” I whispered as not to let other hear what I had just told her.

            She sighed. “Miguel, as if you did not know that Brandon had special needs that is why he behaves that way.”

            “Even though, he should have considered a little space of respect despite what he is.” I faked my smile, knowing she would understand what I implied to her.

            “Yes, Sir Miguel,” she sounded like I was like her teacher, then she told me the amount of my meal.

            “Glenda?” I looked at her with the sincerity flashing bright in my eyes, “I wanted you to know that I would be here for you even we’re friends.”

            “Miguel, thank you but I think others are still waiting before you,” she smiled.

            I went to the corner near to her, having my breakfast alone, trying to steal glimpses to her. She caught me watching her and she just smiled and made herself busy.

            After all these years, I wanted to pursue her for I had prayed to God to make her my wife someday. She would be destined to be my partner for she was no like others, her sparks I wished would never cease to brighten my soul.

            I waved her as I prepared to go to our classroom. A heavy sigh was the only comfort I felt as I went to our room. Silence met me inside our room where I was told by one of students passing by that the immersion orientation was transferred to auditorium. I went there and saw my roommates buzzing around with one another while our lecturer was not around. I easily got drained being in the larger crowd. It’s almost 9 A.M. where the orientation had not yet started.

            Fifteen minutes pass nine, finally, the orientation commenced. The orientation was exhausting and I wanted to doze off. I knew this would be challenging where theories would meet applications. I had told myself that wherever I would be assigned I would be of service to God. Our immersion would be on the local churches in the city.

            In the pulpit, one of the lecturers, the head pastor and administrator in the Bible school gave his closing remarks. Applause occupied the hall as he stood in front of us.

            “Future pastors, it is not the government who can change the society; it is the church who can transform the society to wholeness from brokenness. God has called you to bring more souls to Christ. Be there with them and preach the good news of salvation and let them wonder of who that God is we are serving. Be the Salt of the world and share His Word to them. Remember we are not just working for God but also working with God. To know God more and make Him known—the mission we have as a church. As I end, with the leading and love of Christ, I pray for protection and faithfulness to your journey as intern pastor to the local churches in our city. Thank you,” he returned the microphone to the facilitator.

            I wanted to become like him, I mean like Christ being represented by him. The orientation lasted for two hours and the noise vanished as everyone exited the auditorium. My steps led me to the comfort room and took a pee. I took a momentary relief as I let go of my urine. My eyes landed on the wet floor near the cubicle and saw the reflection of seemingly two people inside. I calculated my steps, discreetly moving near the lavatory to wash my hands. I felt something unusual occurring this area which might be hidden in the eyes of the campus. I stayed outside and hid myself behind the Mango tree, and waited who those people inside the cubicle.

            To my surprise, my glance landed on Paul again being with another man, Brandon. Paul belonged to the stripes of rainbow and how come up Brandon got connected with Paul?

            This was shameful as it was stated in Romans where men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

            I had never thought Paul would be like this since I had known him before. We could not really tell how Satan moved mysteriously. Punishment would meet him in the end if he continued sinning.

            The whisper of the morning breeze felt by my cheeks as the grass leaves swayed back and forth created a tiny dusty swirl on the ground as I left.

            I arrived at the student longue where I would be preparing for the next class. I took out my notes and started scribbling on them, but the thought of what happened a while ago still lingered vividly inside my mind. I sighed, trying to comfort myself.

            The flow of students was visible as they went in and out of the longue area until Efren came in. His eyes could easily spot where I was.

            “Miguel, what makes you bring here?” he asked, tapping me on the shoulder.

            “Of course, this is the usual place where I could fix my notes and have some review for the next class,” moving to the left of the sofa so he can sit in,” what about you? You did not have class?”

            “I am waiting for my Elisse,” he said.

            “You mean you’re girlfriend?”

            “Yeah, my new one and we have been weeks now. Anyway, I just come by to wait for her. Maybe, she still has her class.”

            “You’re right. Efren, Have you seen Paul recently?”

            “What about Paul?” curiosity filled his eyes.

            “I did not know but I have noticed something unusual about him,” I shared.

            He placed his right foot up inserted to his other leg, making him feel intrigued to what I was to share.

            Efren was my close friend and I knew he would be trusted about this observation I had with Paul. 

            “Are you sure you have not seen peculiar about him?” I asked to clarify if he noticed something to Paul.

            “He would not continue his immersion?” he’s trying to guess.

            “Nope, but I..” I lowered my gaze my sight to my notes, “ I saw Paul inside the comfort room with Brandon a while ago.” My heart beat fast.

            He laughed. “Miguel, that’s not new to me. Paul who I thought to be straight was suspicious to me when I borrowed his phone and had my search online and to my surprise I saw to the history web list of men sites. That confirmed me he is. I just ignored, avoiding him since that time. He is just discreet to his behavior. Maybe, he does not want to come out yet.”

            My face went in dismay after all those years we had been together as friends.

            “Since we were assigned in the room, I knew Daniel was not alone to his struggle, but Paul as well.” Efren added.

            “That’s why this morning before all of you started to wake up, I saw him inside the room bathroom doing something else while having his phone on.”  I said.

            He just smiled. “There was a time our eyes encountered and I felt it weird to be stared that way. It was like five seconds before he sight redirected.”

            “Then, what did you do?” I clarified.

            “Well, I did not pay attention. Maybe it was just his way of joking around.”

            “But Efren, I really did not expect he could be what he is and seeing them together was a total disgust. “ My eyebrows arched upon saying those words.

            “What else can we do? Report them to the head pastor?”  He smirked.

            “Report them?” Elisse appeared at the back of Efren.

            “No, Elisse, what we talked about was the report presentation of Miguel’s group members who were passive in cooperating in the class.” Efren explained, surprised. I was amazed how Efren could be skillful in bending the truth.

            “I see. Can we go now?” Elisse asked, the sophomore student taking theology like me.

            Efren looked at me. “Would you like to go with us in the café?”

            “No, thanks, Bro, I still have my class.”     

            I know for sure Efren after they have their café thing would be going to our dorm since no one is there.

            “So,” he stood and held Elisse’s back, “we would just leave you here and see you later, Miguel.”

            Then the two went out, looking so sweet. Efren was actually a lover boy, and enjoyed having friends with girls and eventually one of them would be hooked by his charms and looks.

            I stared at the wall clock above the bookshelves and five minutes from now, I would be attending my last period class in the morning.

            After the long hours of purely discussion of our professor in Fideism, the incompatibility of faith and reason, as part of the theology subjects we had this semester. His voice was dull and soporific since he was on his seventies, a legendary teacher in this institution. I wondered how his life looked like way back at his youthful days. Maybe he was so dedicated, active, and had brought many lives to salvation.

            The bell rung and everyone started to pack up and went out. It was my usual routine to let everyone go out and I would be the last person to exit the room.

            My professor approached me as we were left. A thin deep cold voice came out from my professor. “Miguel, how are you?”

            “Professor, I am always doing well.” I smiled, making myself look graceful and obedient.

            “You know what I saw my younger self to you and how I have missed those days I was just attending my classes in the same school, in the same classroom fifty years ago. I usually let my classmates move out after our classes.”

            I saw from his eyes how he wanted me see the distant memories when he was as young as I was today.

            He continued. “But one thing I would advise you: Don’t let your heart beat to two women as the same time when time comes you would meet them.”

            I wondered what he meant by those words of warning. “I don’t understand, professor.”

            “Sometimes, love has its own reason we don’t understand.” His words made me wonder more. I just faked out my smile and brought my eyes wrinkled to his statements.

            “Of course, Professor,” I was trying to process the next words to say,” circumstances are patterned by our choices but we are not free to choose the consequences ahead. If that comes, I would seek the Holy Spirit to give me discernment on the steps I make in life especially I would be pastoring the community of Christ soon.” I justified, taking my soft sigh out.

            “I am glad to hear that from you. Miguel, just be careful for the enemies are not the rulers but the unseen. We constantly face spiritual warfare in this world. May the Holy Spirit be always your guide.” he warned, opening the door. “Anyway, don’t forget to turn off the ceiling fans as you go out.”

            I nodded. “Sure, Professor. I will.”

            I left alone, still reflecting on those words coming from professor, thinking Don’t let your heart beat to two women as the same time when time comes you would meet them.

            Of course, I knew my limitations. I would do something to dishonor my God. I would be convicted by the Holy Spirit if that would happen someday. God forbid.

            My phone received a message: Miguel, it’s me Glenda. Don’t forget to take your lunch. I will be out at 5 pm after duty. Want to hang out in the Boulevard with me?

            I knew Glenda did not have a phone and she used to borrow her workmate’s phone and secretly send me a message. I remembered I lent her five hundred pesos as her mother got sick in the province. It’s almost a month, she did not pay me. I checked my wallet: 200 pesos left and of course we won’t just go there without buying something to eat.

            Sure, after my class. I replied. No more replies I got from her. Maybe she was just busy from the canteen. I went out and saw the crowd of students bustling around for it was already lunchtime.

            After lunch and had attended my afternoon classes, I was overloaded with lectures which brought us almost to sleep. 4:30 P.M. I took a quick glance on my phone and I remembered Glenda’s message. My steps took me out, went down the hall, and brought me to the canteen.

            I had waited her since she was still in the office turning over the money to their head staff. I hope she would do it well today for there was a time before she got inventory cash shortage and I remembered she borrowed three hundred pesos to refund the missing amount. So, she had already eight hundred pesos outstanding balance from me.

            I saw her having changed her dress to blouse. There was sadness from her eyes as her steps got nearer from where I was. This is not what I had dreamed of, perhaps she got another shortage.

            “What’s wrong?” I asked, trying to figure out what made her look that way.

            She did not respond but her silence was all I got. “You got short again?”

            She gave me a quick nod. Before I could say something, she finally spoke.

            “Don’t worry I would repay this Monday for we would get our weekly paycheck,” she promised, putting her together as if she were begging me.

            “How much do you need to refund your shortage?” I tried to sound pleasant.

            “Two hundred peso,” she answered, smiling as she sat down in front of me. I swallowed my saliva, knowing this would be my last money. My parents would be sending my allowance by Saturday. How could I treat her as we would be going to the boulevard? Her smile I could not resist but to shell out the last two hundred bills I had in my wallet.

            “Thank you!” she stood up and threw her a quick smack from my right cheek as I handed her the money. “I promise to pay you this Monday.” She went back, leaving me momentarily on the table.  I took a deep sigh as to who I could borrow money from. Then hope came to view as I saw the image of Andrew, one of my roommates.

            “Drew!” I called him as he passed by. He stopped, seeing me standing.

            “Miguel, you’re here again in the canteen waiting for your admirer working in the canteen.” I did not make the conversation long as Glenda would be here any moment.

            “Drew, I happened to misplace my money somewhere. I accidentally fell my five hundred pesos and I am worried for I would be paying my tuition balance it to the finance tomorrow. I just want to borrow five hundred for I will just pay by Saturday, please?” I pleaded.

            “Bro, I have only extra three hundred pesos here from my tutorial sideline here.” He said.

            That would be fine so I could have bought something for Glenda.

            “Sure!” I sounded the way Glenda did.

            He gave me his money and I thanked him as he went off. I heaved a sigh, Thanks, God but sorry Lord, I lied.

            Glenda came and we commuted to Boulevard. It was almost six in the evening. As we arrived, the sun tainted the sea with deep orange along the shiny floor of the waves. Our eyes mirrored the sunset as our hands got close and locked together.

            I felt at ease with Glenda whom I had told her many times I loved her. We were friends and had this action which showed almost like a couple. She unloaded her problems with me and I was there listening to her sadness which brought her to tears.

            “What’s wrong?” I asked, worrying for she burst out crying. Her lips trembled, making me more feel curious as to what she wanted to tell me.

            “Glenda, I know you had a terrible past and I understand how you feel,” I said, trying to place solace to her heart.

            “Thank you, Miguel for having here despite the favors I have asked you and for making me feel safe,” she stared at me, taking a deep sigh then looking back to the sea.

            “You did not have to thank me for I am always be here as your friend and as your—“ before I could finish my sentence, I wished that would be only a dream which I did not to wake anymore.

            “ I love you, Miguel.” My heart skipped beating momentarily as Glenda had finally made her decision to love me.

            My eyes and my smile froze and everything around went slow in motion. The stars went out to the sky brightly shining as I just kept staring at her like a dream come true.

            “You, kidding?” I said as my senses brought me back to existence.

            “I love you and it’s not a joke.” she quickly moved closer and stole me a kiss from my cheeks.

            My face flushed red and I could not move as what she did to me. “I love you, too. Glenda.”

            We had a great night together---laughter and deep conversation about dreams were treasured while we ate Filipino street foods lining up along the teeming crowd of Boulevard---decorative lights aesthetically designed with bright colors---like how I felt to Glenda---so wonderful and bright.

            So literally, that’s how our first relationship had started when I became the boyfriend of Glenda. From that moment on, I made sure she would never cry and I would make her the princess being protected by her prince. Our relationship was taken in discreet way because we did not want to create issues in school. Just like friends but we’re couple. I brought her to their boarding house near the city and bid sweet kisses together as we parted ways.

            I arrived home, too. As I unlocked the gate, my hips wiggled and my smile was as wide as the river.  I was teased by Daniel, our roommate, when he noticed I was blankly staring at the wall while I was smiling.

            “Maybe, you got a good catch today, huh?” he wondered, wiping his mouth after having his moustache shaving.

            “Glenda, she is now my girlfriend.” Still at the moment I could not believe since I had courted her for almost two years.

            “The canteen cashier, you mean?” He blurted out in dismay.

            “So what about being a canteen cashier?” George, closed his book while on his bed, broke his silence. He continued. “A man cannot be alone for God will give him a helper,” he spoke in wisdom.

            “Helper?” Daniel giggled, fixing his bed.

            “You might have forgotten what the context of that statement, Daniel? George pointed out.

            “I know, George, you did not need to lecture me about it, duh…” Daniel answered, rolling his eyes.

            “Stop arguing each other,” Paul, having finished his half-bath duty, interfered. “What’s important is Miguel being happy with his first girlfriend ever.”

            “Do you really love her?” Daniel jokingly asked, arching his left eyebrow.

            “Yes, I do love her,” I answered, looking at them together.

            “Good, bro. We are to support you here,” Efren tapped my shoulder.

            “Thanks to you all, bros.” I hope this would be a meaningful relationship, I sighed.

            As the lights were turned off, we let the night had its restful silence.

            The next morning, the students gathered in the bulletin board, checking names as the school had already posted the list of areas where we would have our pastoral immersion. I got closer and my finger run though the papers, flipped another one, and finally, I saw my name and the place:

Barangay San Roque, Zamboanga City.

            I had never been in that village but what I had heard about the place was a community of Tausug and Chavacano people. This must have been an interesting place to mingle with. I also saw the name of Paul who would be my companion in the village, hoping he would not mess up with me.

            Anyway, by next semester, we would have been sent there and be with one of the head pastors in San Roque---Pastor Marc. The local church there was new and he was the pioneer church leader assigned by the school.

            After my classes, Glenda and I routinely met in the boulevard and decided to go somewhere which this semester became so special to us as I would not always be here for her due to my community immersion.

            “Miguel, just always remember, to take good care of yourself, and if ever you would be there, don’t forget to visit me here, okay?” Glenda sadly reminded me.

            I held her hands and brought them to my lips. “I love you and I will surely visit you here time to time,” I said, assuring her that I would be doing well.

            “Maybe, you would meet more beautiful young ladies there and replace me,” she worried.

            “Glenda,” I looked her straight in the eyes,” I have been here in pastoral school and have never laid my eyes on any women here. Yes, there are beautiful for they are God’s creations being the final touch of His hand—precious, and you came along and became my Eve whom I would never be tempted to anyone but only my Glenda.” I smiled.

            The sky rumbled and rain made noises on the Glenda’s boarding house.

            “You should be home now,” she said, looking at the window moving.

           I stood up and closed the window.

           “I would get sick if I get caught by the rain outside,” I said, going back on her bed.

            Thunder roared in the distance and the pelting got noisier. Flash of lightning illumined Glenda’s pretty face. She lowered her eyes as I looked at her. I sat beside her, and the heat from our cores started to warm the room as we sketched the night with the portrayal of Adam and Eve naked and became one---memory of us kept flashing on my mind.

            Months after, Glenda started to conceive new life and had morning sickness. That was the time I became a father. News spread like wild fire around the school when they saw Glenda becoming healthy and round as she had been taken good care by me.

            The school administrator did not want to see us go unwed. So, I had told my parents and Glenda’s mother and relatives to attend our wedding by next week.

            Our weeding filled with joy as I met the parent of Glenda—Nanay Nena, who was so pleased to have seen me. My roommates were ever present and supportive to their brother. My parents were there, though my dad was a bit upset but he was there to support me along with my mom.

            Weeks after, Glenda stopped working in the canteen and went back to their province and I had told her to visit her soon as my community immersion had already kicked in.

            She finally labored our first born child—Ryan. How joyful as I had seen my boy who looked exactly as his father. I was so proud to be. Every Tuesday of the week, I went to home to her hometown and brought food supply and things needed in our family.

            Despite my busy schedules in the pastoral immersion, I still managed to be a good husband and father to my new family. I would never be a failure to them. I would make sure to provide their needs especially Glenda’s family side that had struggled also financially.