Chapter Thirty-Five - Before He Chooses Someone Else

Aria’s POV

I had only come to deliver a file that was all.

Kael had asked for the reports concerning the northern patrols earlier that morning, and when I found them among the documents on my desk, I decided to take them to his office myself. It seemed like a simple enough task, one that would take no more than a few minutes.

I hadn’t expected to hear my name.

Or rather, I hadn’t expected to hear it spoken with such contempt.

“If Aria loses her mind and abandons you again, I would be more than happy to become your breeder.”

My steps stopped outside the half-open door.

For a moment, I thought I had misunderstood. The words were so shameless, so utterly audacious, that my mind struggled to accept that someone had actually said them.

Then Selena laughed softly.

My fingers tightened around the file.

I should have knocked. I should have announced my presence immediately, walked into the room, and reminded Selena that she was speaking about the Luna of Ironcrest.

Instead, I stood frozen, listening to the conversation I had never intended to hear.

“Get out of my office, Selena.”

Kael’s voice was cold enough to make my heart ache.

At least he was angry with her. At least he wasn’t entertaining the ridiculous suggestion.

But then Selena spoke again.

“You can pretend this marriage is perfect all you want, Alpha, but the elders will eventually start asking questions. It’s been weeks, and there is still no sign of an heir. You can’t expect them to wait forever.”

An heir.

The word struck me harder than it should have.

I knew the elders wanted children. I had known it long before I married Kael. Preserving the Nightshade bloodline had been one of the reasons my father had arranged our union in the first place.

And I knew Kael wanted children someday, too.

He had told me so himself.

But he had also promised to wait until I was ready.

For the first time, I wondered how long that promise would last.

How long could a man be expected to wait for something he wanted when another woman was standing right in front of him, practically offering herself?

My throat tightened.

“Aria is my wife,” Kael said sharply. “And she is the Luna of this pack. I will not discuss my marriage with you.”

“Of course.” Selena’s voice dripped with false sweetness. “But being your wife doesn’t automatically make her the woman you need.”

I could barely breathe. I had heard enough, more than enough.

I pushed the door open and both of them turned toward me.

Kael stood behind his desk, his expression hard with anger. Selena was on the other side, her posture relaxed, but something flickered across her face when she saw me.

She knew. She knew I had heard her.

My gaze moved from her to Kael.

For one foolish second, I wanted him to cross the room. I wanted him to look at me and explain that nothing she had said mattered. I wanted him to tell me that I had misunderstood, that I had nothing to worry about, that he wasn’t waiting for me to become the woman Selena believed I should be.

But he didn’t move. He only stared at me, and I couldn’t tell whether the anger in his eyes was meant for Selena or whether he was wondering how much I had heard.

I couldn’t bear to ask. I walked to the desk and placed the file on its polished surface.

“There,” I said quietly. “The northern patrol reports you requested. I’ll leave you to your discussion.”

His expression changed. “Wait.”

I didn’t. I turned around and walked out.

I heard my name again, but I kept going, refusing to look back. If I turned around and saw pity in his eyes, I feared it would break something inside me that I had only just begun to put together.

I made it halfway down the corridor before the first tear slipped down my cheek.

I wiped it away quickly before another fell.

By the time I reached the staircase, my vision had blurred so badly that I had to grip the railing.

I hated myself for crying. I hated Selena for making me feel small.

But most of all, I hated the little voice in my head that kept repeating her words.

“Being your wife doesn’t automatically make her the woman you need.”

Perhaps Selena was right. Not about being his wife. Not about having the right to take my place but about me.

What if I wasn’t enough for Kael?

What if, after everything we had endured, I still couldn’t give him the one thing he wanted most?

I had spent so long believing that I needed to protect myself from him. After what happened when he marked me against my will, I had been afraid of how much power he could have over my life.

Then, slowly, he had begun giving that power back.

He had waited for me. He had listened when I said no. He had allowed me to approach him at my own pace, even when I knew it wasn’t easy for him.

And somewhere along the way, I had started wanting him.

Not because my father had arranged our marriage or because the elders expected it.

I wanted Kael because of the man I had begun to discover beneath the Alpha’s stern exterior. The man who had carried me to safety when a rogue attacked me. The man who had stayed awake to make sure I felt safe in the cabin. The man who had kissed me gently and stopped when I asked him to.

The man who had promised to earn the rest of my trust.

I was beginning to love him and that terrified me more than anything else because I had no idea what I would do if I lost him.

**************

I avoided everyone for the rest of the day.

When Martha knocked on my door and asked whether I was coming down for lunch, I told her I wasn’t hungry.

When one of the maids came to inform me that the elders had gathered in the eastern hall for an afternoon meeting, I said I wasn’t feeling well.

And when Martha returned later to ask whether I wanted to join her for a walk through the gardens, I pretended to be asleep.

I couldn’t face anyone.

I couldn’t bear to sit among the pack members and listen to them discuss the future of Ironcrest as if my place in it were already being measured.

I couldn’t look at Kael, either.

I knew he would come looking for me eventually. He had always been observant, and he would notice my absence from the gatherings I had once insisted on attending.

But I wasn’t ready to see him.

I spent the afternoon sitting beside the bedroom window, staring at the mountains in the distance.

My mind kept returning to the same question.

How much time did I have? How long before the elders began pressing Kael to take another woman?

How long before they decided that my inability to give them an heir made me unsuitable to remain Luna?

I knew the elders couldn’t simply replace me because Selena wanted my position. I was Alpha Lucien Nightshade’s daughter, and my father’s name still carried weight throughout Ironcrest.

But I had learned that bloodline and title could only protect a person so much.

If Kael himself decided he wanted another woman, what would my title matter?

I would still be his wife on paper. I would still sit beside him at council meetings and I would still wear the Luna’s crown.

But I would have to watch him give another woman the affection I had only recently begun to receive.

I imagined another woman standing in his office, laughing at his dry remarks. Another woman sitting beside him at dinner. Another woman wearing his shirt, resting against his chest, receiving the gentle kisses he had begun giving me.

My stomach twisted. I pressed my hands against my eyes.

I didn’t want to imagine it. I didn’t want to think about Selena taking my place.

But I couldn’t pretend the possibility didn’t exist.

For years, I had run after the wrong man because I thought love meant choosing someone, even when they gave me little reason to believe they deserved it.

Now I was married to a man who had given me more reasons to stay than I had ever expected and I was still afraid he would leave me behind.

The irony was almost cruel. By the time the sun began to set, I had made up my mind.

I couldn’t keep hiding behind my fears.

I couldn’t keep asking Kael to wait indefinitely while expecting him to remain satisfied with a marriage that offered him so little.

I wanted him.

I wanted to be close to him without the invisible distance I had placed between us. I wanted to stop treating every moment of tenderness as though it were something I could lose if I reached for it too eagerly.

And I wanted him to know that I wasn’t indifferent to him.

Perhaps if I showed him how much I wanted our marriage, the uncertainty that had haunted me all day would finally disappear.

Maybe I could stop wondering whether he was waiting for me to become someone else.

But there was one thing I knew I couldn’t do. I couldn’t force him to prove his love.

Not after what he had done to me before or after how hard he had worked to show me that my choices mattered.

If I wanted to take the next step, I would have to let him choose it with me.

Even if his answer frightened me.

**********

It was late when Kael finally returned to our bedroom.

I was sitting on the edge of the bed, my hands clasped tightly in my lap. I had changed into a simple nightdress and brushed my hair, but I hadn’t been able to settle down.

Every time I heard footsteps in the corridor, my heart had leaped.

Now that he was here, I suddenly couldn’t remember how to speak.

Kael closed the door behind him.

He looked tired. His dark hair was slightly disheveled, and the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows. He loosened the collar as he crossed the room, then stopped when he noticed me sitting upright on the bed.

His expression softened. “You’re still awake. Were you waiting for me?”

The question was gentle, but it made my throat tighten.

“Yes.” I nodded.

He studied me for a moment. “You weren’t at dinner.”

“I wasn’t hungry.” I replied

“Martha said you spent the entire day in here.”

I looked down at my hands. “I needed some time alone.”

“Is something wrong?” He peered into my eyes.

The question I had been avoiding all day.

I could have lied. I could have told him I was tired or that I had a headache. I could have continued pretending that Selena’s words hadn’t affected me.

Instead, I lifted my eyes to his.

“I heard your conversation with Selena.”

Kael went still. For a moment, the room was silent.

Then he exhaled slowly and moved closer.

“How much did you hear?” His jaw tightened. “Aria, what she said..”

“Does she really believe you’ll need another woman if I don’t give you an heir?”

His expression darkened. “No.”

The answer came so quickly that I almost believed it could erase every doubt in my mind.

But I had spent too much of my life accepting words without examining the truth behind them.

“Do you want children, Kael?”

“Yes.” He said immediately.

My heart sank. He must have noticed, because he immediately continued.

“But not at the expense of your peace. And not because someone has decided to make you feel inadequate.”

I swallowed. “What if I never become ready?”

“Then we will talk about it when that day comes.” He forced a smile.

“And if the elders start demanding an heir?” I swallowed hard. “And if they suggest another woman?”

His expression became cold. “Let them suggest it. I will not entertain it.”

I wanted to believe him. I desperately wanted to believe him.

But Selena’s words had found a place inside me that reassurance alone couldn’t immediately reach.

“What if you change your mind?” I whispered.

Kael’s face softened. “Aria.”

“What if you get tired of waiting? What if one day you wake up and decide that loving me isn’t worth the trouble?”

He came to stand in front of me.

“Look at me.”

I forced myself to meet his eyes as he spoke.

“I cannot promise you that life will never change,” he said. “I cannot promise that we will never face another difficult day. But I can promise that I will not replace you because you need time to trust me.”

My eyes burned. “You say that now.”

“And I will say it tomorrow, too, if you need to hear it.”

A tear slipped down my cheek. Kael reached toward me, then paused, leaving the choice to me.

I leaned forward and rested my forehead against his chest.

His arms came around me carefully.

For a while, neither of us spoke.

I listened to his heartbeat and tried to convince myself that I wasn’t running out of time.

But the fear was still there.

I didn’t want to be the wife who was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I didn’t want to keep measuring every affectionate gesture against the possibility that he would one day withdraw it.

I wanted to stop being afraid of wanting him.

When I finally lifted my head, I looked at him through my tears.

“I want to be closer to you.”

His gaze searched mine. “We are getting closer.”

“I know.” My fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt. “But I want more than that.”

He didn’t move. “Aria, you don’t have to prove anything to me. You don’t have to do anything because of Selena.”

“I know that, too.” I shifted uncomfortably.

“Then tell me what you want.”

I drew a shaky breath. “You.”

The word hung between us.

Kael’s expression changed, but he didn’t immediately reach for me.

I could see the struggle in his eyes and the desire he had never entirely hidden from me, restrained by the promise he had made to respect my choices.

He wanted to believe me. He also wanted to make certain that I wasn’t offering him something out of fear.

“Is this because you’re afraid I’ll choose someone else?” he asked quietly.

I couldn’t lie.

“Partly.” I whispered.

His face tightened with concern “Then we should wait.”

Panic rose in my chest. “No. Please, don’t decide that for me.”

“I’m not deciding for you. I’m trying to make sure you aren’t forcing yourself into something you don’t want.”

“I do want you.”

“Then I need you to understand something.” He took my hands in his. “You don’t have to give me your body to keep your place beside me. You are my wife, Aria. You are my Luna. Neither of those things depends on whether we have sex tonight, tomorrow, or a month from now.”

My tears fell faster. “Then why am I so afraid?”

“Because you’ve been hurt before.” His thumb brushed gently over my knuckles. “And because I gave you reasons to be afraid of me, too.”

I looked at him.

He didn’t look away.

“I know I cannot undo what I did when I marked you without your consent,” he continued. “I know telling you that I love you won’t erase it. You have every right to take your time with me. I will not punish you for needing that time.”

Something inside my chest loosened, even as the ache remained.

I had spent the entire day believing I needed to hurry before someone else took my place.

But Kael wasn’t asking me to hurry.

He wasn’t demanding an heir or using his position as Alpha to make me fulfill a duty.

He was asking me to choose him for the right reasons.

I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand.

“I don’t want to do this because I’m afraid of Selena,” I whispered. “I want to do it because when I’m with you, I feel things I never expected to feel. I want to stop being afraid of that.”

Kael studied me for a long moment.“And if we stop at kissing?”

“Then we stop at kissing.” I chuckled.

“And if you change your mind halfway through?” I raised a brow.

“Then you stop.” His eyes searched mine once more. “And if you decide tonight isn’t the night?”

I let out a small, unsteady laugh.

“Then you’ll have to endure another night of sleeping beside me without getting what you want.”

A faint smile touched his mouth. “I have endured much worse.”

I nudged his shoulder, and for the first time that day, the knot in my chest eased.

Then I rose onto my toes and kissed him.

It was a small kiss at first, hesitant and trembling. I had kissed him before, but tonight I wasn’t waiting for him to make the next move. I was reaching for him because I wanted to.

His hands settled gently at my waist.

He kissed me back, slowly enough that I could pull away at any moment. When I drew back, his forehead rested against mine.

“Are you sure?” he whispered.

“Yes.”

I brushed my fingers along his cheek, feeling the faint roughness beneath my palm.

“I want you, Kael. Not because I owe you anything. Not because of the elders. And not because I think you will replace me if I refuse.”

His eyes softened. “Then I want you to remember that tomorrow, too.”

“I will try.” I kissed him again.

This time, he smiled against my lips, and the small, unexpected gesture made my heart ache with tenderness.

For the first time since entering his office that afternoon, I stopped thinking about Selena.

I stopped thinking about the elders, the heir they wanted, and the invisible clock I had imagined ticking above my head.

There was only Kael, holding me as though I was someone precious and not because I could give him a child, not because I wore the Luna’s crown, but because I was Aria.

And perhaps that was what I had needed to understand all along.

I didn’t have to compete for my husband’s affection and I didn’t have to earn the right to remain beside him by giving him something I wasn’t ready to give.

I could choose him and he could choose me one day at a time.

As Kael pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead, I closed my eyes and let myself believe that we were finally learning how to do exactly that.