Chapter Six

I was sure Greta had it out for me. Right across the room I could see her eyes even though she wore sunglasses. Everyone was sad, including me. Yes! I hated J but I didn't want him to die. It hurt me to see his body lifeless in the casket. It made me feel certain feelings. I could not react, I didn't want to. The entire room was in black, but nobody cried, not even Greta.

 "It's not your fault"

Carlos Whispered to me but I knew I was apportioned blame for this, at least to his mother.

I sighed as I paid my last respects to him and threw my flowers on his coffin. Turning around to walk away. I met glances with Greta. Even beneath her shades I could see the look of revenge in her eyes. I knew Greta, I knew her well.

I made it to my car, but something felt odd as I turned to the passenger seat. I saw a note opened and it read…

…I will always love you

- J

I turn to the steering, and yelled

"What kind of sick game is this!"

I bang the steering, my chest swells with anger. Opening the door, I bang it and turn to hit the tires of the car. I pause to breathe in and out. 

"I always knew we were alike"

Greta walks in front of me with a cigarette in her hand as she speaks. I sigh

"But how alike are we? I asked myself?"

She pulls out a lighter and lights the cigarette. 

"I thought I saw myself in you?"

She lets out a puff

"Thought? You set up stupid games to mess with me, and now you're having thoughts. Greta you make me sick"

"But now, it all makes sense. What I saw in you was a version of myself that I could not be, so I gave you a chance to be her, to be free, not to be chained to this misery of being lost"

She lets out another puff and I stand there looking at her with so much frustration on my chest, I just want to strangle her. But I remain quiet and listen to her regardless

"But I was wrong, because the version of myself I saw in you was a monster. You took away the only thing that mattered to me. My only reason to live"

My chest can't take it anymore, I scream out my reply at the top of my lungs

"I didn't kill J. I didn't ask for this life. All I ever wanted to do was to do my job"

I calm down and I take a deep breath 

"Look"

I go quiet as I struggle to bring out the words from my mouth

"I don't know what to say, I'm really really sorry. But I am not responsible for J's death"

Greta drops her cigarette on the floor and steps on it. Releasing the last puff from her lips she looks at me, she removes her sunglasses as she speaks 

"J was obsessed with you, to a point where I had to make him realize that he could never have you. He loved you more than he loved me. So I had to send you on a mission where it would be impossible to reach you. A place where you would die"

I saw the treachery in her eyes. Why would somebody do that but I wasn't even surprised. It was Greta, what was I expecting. 

"So my dear you better make sure you die during the mission because I will kill you myself if you don't"

And she walks away. Angrily, I get into my car and slam the door. I started driving, then for the first time in years, tears rolled down my cheeks. I scream hysterically as I hit the brakes and begin to bang the steering of my car. I was so angry. I sobbed heavily. When I finally calmed down a little bit I began to think about everything. I hadn't cried this much before, not even when I lost Papa and Mama. Greta's words replayed in my mind. I looked up to her, I felt like I lost a mother. She was everything I wanted to be. It broke me to know she wanted me dead. I wasn't even scared for myself, I instantly thought of Lily but I knew Greta wouldn't touch Lily, the agency would hold her accountable. To these people my life wasn't worth anything, I was just an instrument. Till the mission is successful more agents are going to be sent.

It was in the state of dilemma I made the decision to survive, who was going to protect Lily? I needed to be focused but most importantly I needed to survive to show Greta that I'm not the thirteen year old girl she saved years ago.

Firing up the car, I speed and get to my apartment. I pack up what I'll need as I call Carlos

"Oct, what's up"

"I'm ready for the mission"

"Are you sure?"

"I won't repeat myself again"

Carlos knew better than to question me

"I'll fire up the gears then"

"Good"

She wanted me dead so bad but I was going to come back alive.

Arriving at the agency. I see Carlos by the door

"You gotta get vetted before you leave"

"Vetted?"

"Yes"

“What the hell is that"

"Well, it was when they ask you questions about your cover"

"Oh. They're making it seem like it's my first mission"

"We've had a lot of agents die plus it's due procedure"

As he rolled his eyes

"Alright, let's go"

I appear before the panel and answer a few questions about “Maria” and they clear me.

"They're dramatic as hell, ew"

"Let them hear you first"

We both giggle. I loved the fact that Carlos had a way of making me laugh.

"Here's a picture of your crush"

"Who's my crush?"

I ask in deep confusion as I raise my eyebrows.

"Our mark"

I eye Carlos recklessly

"What, I noticed the way you stared at his pictures besides J is dead. You need to move on honey"

The eyeing gets worse. He laughs out.

Carlos gave me some of my equipment for the mission, they were very minimalistic. 

"Why are these things easy to get missing"

"They shouldn't get missing, you'll need it to communicate with us"

"Alright"

"The jet is here to take you"

Carlos says as he hugs me. I held him tight because for the most part he was probably the only person I could call a friend. 

"Why are you hugging me so tight?"

"This might be the last time I see you"

"Why?"

"Oct you know why"

"I'm Octavia, and I fear nothing"

"Please don't get caught"

"I won't"

As I walked into the jet and waved Carlos bye, I knew they were two options to either die or survive.