Five

VESPER GREY LYSAN POV 

It's been three days since Ana's death.

I turned on my side, sleep elusive as my head kept replaying that moment over and over again.

Goosebumps traced my skin, my body shivering from the intensity of it.

God, I was going to lose my mind.

I clutched at my hair, my fingers tangling in the strands as I pulled down on it.

I tried to force my eyes shut, but each time I did, the darkness took over; all I saw was Ana's face and the way she'd looked at me as Zevran slit her throat.

I curled in on myself, the ache in my heart drowning me. 

It was all my fault. 

I should have believed it when Ana told me that even though Zevran was a child and had an angelic and innocent look to him, he was a cold-blooded killer... If I'd taken her words seriously, then I wouldn't have stubbornly chosen to ignore him. I would have seen his obsession for what it was. But I didn't and Ana was dead.

Tears slipped past my eyes, the pain in my heart making my whole body ache.

Ana was dead, but she was there in every corner I looked, haunting me.

I couldn't wait for the ten days Ilvane had given me to be up. I was exhausted, both physically and mentally. I just wanted to rest. I just needed an escape, from my own head.

My eyes clenched shut, a tear running down my cheek. 

I cried quietly, the ache in my chest never lessening. 

A chill suddenly went up my spine and I could tell that there was someone in the room with me. I didn't have to look to know who it was.

A knot formed in my stomach, and tightened as I heard him move closer.

I didn't want to see or hear his voice, so I tried to relax my eyes so he thought I was asleep, but I knew it was useless. Nothing ever got past Zevran Ilvane.

"Are you still mad at me, Ves?" He whispered, his voice cracking. "The new maid said you haven't been eating anything... I've stopped her from reporting to Master but it's only a matter of time before he finds out."

The concern in his voice made me sick to my stomach, and for a second, I feared I was going to throw up.

"You do realize what is going to happen if Master finds out, don't you?" he asked, his voice low and tight, as if trying not to shout. "He is going to beat you up again" 

I would have scoffed, but I didn't want to interact with him whatsoever so I remained quiet. I wished he would just leave because all he served was a reminder. A reminder of the hell I was in. A hell I couldn't get out of no matter how much I scrambled through the piling dirt.

It went quiet and stayed that way for a few minutes. I was sure he'd left.

"I'm sorry."

The words echoed in the silent room.

I didn't breathe for a few seconds.

"I'm sorry I hurt Ana."

Hurt Ana? Hurt Ana?

My fingers dug into the sheet, my hands clenching around the soft fabric as fire surged through my veins where blood once flowed. A pressure built up in my chest, making it difficult to breathe.

"If I knew it was going to hurt you like this, I wouldn't have done it" he continued, but his words sounded all chopped and broken as the roaring in my ears got louder. "I really tried to hold back though. I even made a whole plan to kill her and make it look like an accident so that it wouldn't hurt you that much, but I couldn't hold out for that long. I hated that you liked her more than me... I even hurt myself, just to get your attention, but you only cared about her. You took one look at me and went back to helping her."

The anger burning through my veins got too much to bear. I pulled myself up, my body burning so hot, I felt like I was going to combust into flames.

There was only one thought in my head. Violence, and as I met Zevran's hopeful gaze, the rage took total control, and I swung at him.

My hands struck hard, the sound echoing through the room.

He stumbled to the floor, his eyes wide with shock, blood dripping down his nose. 

He seemed to spend a few seconds processing what had happened before turning his head in my direction.

Our gaze clashed, and I expected him to react with equal violence; no, I hoped he would; I wanted him to put a knife to my throat and slit it just the way he'd done to Ana; maybe then, the nightmare I was living in would finally end.

He lifted his hand, his fingers hovering over where I had struck him, a fascinated look in his eyes as he stared at me. 

He didn't look mad at all, no, he actually looked happy.

He slowly got up from the floor, his piercing gaze never leaving mine, and because his lack of reaction pissed me off, I struck him again, then again and again, my breath bursting out of my lungs in short, sharp gasps.

My palm throbbed, and still, he stood unmoving in front of me, his eyes glistening as he waited, almost hopefully. It was as if he wanted me to continue to hit him, like somehow, my assault was proving something to him.

I forced myself to stop. "Get out," I bit out, pointing with a trembling hand at the door. "No matter what you do or how many people you kill to get my attention, I'll never care about you, I'll never like you back and I'll definitely never be your friend"

My words seemed to hurt more than the slaps. His eyes burned fiercely, tears slipping down his cheek.

"Liar!" He gasped out, his hands wiping fiercely at the tears on his face. "If you didn't care about me a little bit, you wouldn't be so angry that I killed Ana. You wouldn't have hit me the way you just did... I let you punish me, so why are you still saying those hurtful things?"

I gaped at him, my skin crawling. "You let me punish you? So you think a few slaps make up for all the lives you've taken?"

"Yes! I don't even understand why you're so mad that I killed her. She knew I had no friends and that I'd chosen you..., but she still went ahead to steal you from me. It's unfair!"

He was out of his mind. I stared at him, realizing just how crazy he really was.

He suddenly took out the dagger he'd used in slitting Ana's throat. 

"How about this? I'll let you have one more friend beside me, and I swear that I won't kill them. You can even hold on to my dagger..." He said, grabbing hold of my hand and thrusting the dagger into it.

My heart stumbled, skipping a beat as the cold blade glistened in my palm.

Did he realize what he'd done and that I could kill him?

My heart pounded as I clasped it in my head, my eyes moving from it to Zevran's hopeful ones.

Yes, this was my chance. My chance to finally get back at Ilvane for everything he'd done to me.