Julien was silent throughout the ride just like before but this time, he appeared to be angry. About what? Did another governess run away? That could be it, else he shouldn't be so angry.
"What happened?" I asked, swallowing all my fears. If I am to be this man's wife, I need to be there for him at least; I need to take on the role.
"Nothing." He said flatly.
"But you seem angry. Did something happen while I slept? Or maybe some bad news concerning the children?" I pressed, somehow really wanting him to open up to me. He was quiet for a while.
"The governess sent me a letter, she will leave in the next two days, whether or not I've returned."
"That can't be, no one can abandon little children like that without proper care."
"Well she said she would and I don't doubt her." His body tensed up again and I decided to try comforting him instead, the man was worried about his children and the cruel governess will leave them all by themselves if we don't hurry back.
"Will it take that long for us to get to the children?" I felt him stiffen for a bit.
"Not really, unless we encounter bandits on the way, then we may make a stop at another inn." Bandits! The rapist said something about them earlier. I've never left Durnca before, so I've not encountered them, but Hailey's pa has a lot of stories about them and they are not good. Being a merchant, they are the worst kind of people to meet while traveling with goods because they would steal everything, leaving just the clothes on your back.
"I hope not." As if on cue, we saw a man in torn clothes on a horse, speeding towards us and shouting at the top of his lungs.
"Get back! Get back! Bandits ahead." His accent was strange to me, like he was a foreigner. My hand clutched my chest and I unintentionally leaned more on Julien, scared.
Unfortunately for the man, he fell off the horse and the beast didn't stop, it sped away leaving dust behind.
Julien got off our horse and went over to the man who was unmoved on the ground. I was too scared to move, so I just stayed still on the horse and tried to hear what they would say to each other. I know any other person would have seized the to opportunity to escape with the horse, forgetting everything about marriage to a stranger but strangely, that was the last thing on my mind.
"Were you traveling alone?" Julien asked the man as he helped him to his feet. The man took a glance at me and then back to Julien.
"I was with my daughter, she is just eighteen but they took her from me and everything we were traveling with." The man glanced at me again. "You have a pretty wife, if you go further, they will take her from you and do unimaginable things to the lady, I tell you..." Julien grabbed the man's collar and shook him.
"They took your daughter and you turned tails and ran? What will be of the girl now?" The man was near tears but he couldn't utter a word, just kept sobbing. I felt bad for the man, he looked like he was in his late fifties, certainly someone his age had no chance against bandits all by himself.
"Where will you wait for your daughter?" Julien asked finally, letting the man go.
"What?"
"Where will you wait for your daughter?" He repeated, snapping.
"Our home is in Nuben, it's just..."
"That's where we are coming from. Does she know how to get there?"
"Yes, Sire. Do you mean to rescue..." Julien returned to me, getting on in front of me this time.
"Go home." He said to the man and grabbed the reins of the horse. "Hold on tight to me, Gwen." I obeyed him immediately, holding him like my life depended on it.
He kicked the animal into action and we sped forward, from where the man and his horse came from.
"Julien..."
"Don't worry, no harm will come to you." Was I worried for my life? Yes, but I was more worried for both our lives; yet I felt so bad for the girl, and she was a year younger than me.
"I don't mind, let's help that girl." I said bravely, holding Julien even tighter.
It wasn't long before we saw a small crowd of men, searching a wagon and taking out the valuables from it. One of the men held three horses reins in one hand and three other men were laughing at a young woman who tired fighting them, biting anything that comes close to her face.
With her red curly hair, small face and light blue eyes, she was really pretty that I forgot my fears for a moment and just stared at her.
"Don't let go." Julien's voice pierced through my thoughts. The men noticed us then and got out their swords, ready to fight Julien who drew his own sword and charged for them straight on.
He hit their daggers away and pierced one in his shoulder. When our horse tried standing on it's hind legs, we both went falling off its back.
Julien was quick to get up and defend himself against the men, all the while making sure I was safe behind him.
The girl wasted no time in running over to my side, panting hard and looking spent. We both watched Julien as he took on three men all by himself; he was so skilled with his sword that the men were having a hard time trying to overpower him. When one of their swords grazed his arm, I was nearly running to him if the girl didn't hold me in place; I could do nothing but to watch them fight.
Julien stabbed one of the men in his leg and another in his shoulder, making him unable to lift his sword. The one who held the horses, jumped on one and rode away; the other three shared the two remaining horses and fled too.
Victory was ours!
The girl released me now and I ran to Julien, checking his wound; it wasn't so deep but the bleeding wouldn't stop, so I tore the helm of my new dress and wrapped it around his arm.
"What are you doing? I could have used my shirt's sleeve to wrap the wound."
"Does it hurt?" I asked, ignoring his protest. He was about to say something when the girl spoke up.
"Thank you for helping me, I can't imagine what would have happened to me if you weren't there."
"Are you hurt?" Julien asked her, looking her up. I didn't know how to react to that, did he find her attractive? I mean, she is attractive and he was probably just checking for injuries, yet I couldn't help but feel... Jealous? Was I jealous? For a man I knew nothing about?
"No, I am okay. I wasn't about to go down without a fight." The girl said, smiling so sweetly to Julien who mirrored her.
"You held up well." He commented and then whistled, making our runaway horse come running back.
Julien petted the horse and looked around its body, that was when I saw it was bleeding from its rump. That must have been why it tried standing on its hind legs, one of the men must have stabbed it.
"He can manage to take you to Nuben, your father says he'll be waiting there. Can you manage on your own?" Julien said to the girl once he was done examining the injury.
"Oh, yes! Thank you." By this time, I was already feeling irrelevant as they both paid no attention to me. It made my jealousy grow and my heart sank in my chest. I had forgotten that having a handsome husband would mean worrying whether other more attractive women would steal him from me. How would I deal with that?
Instead of going to the horse and Julien, the girl walked up to me instead and hugged me.
"Thank you so much. My name is Alexa." I was stunned into silence for a moment, I didn't expect her to be nice to me or even thank me; all I did was to stand in a corner scared, Julien did all the saving.
"Nice to meet you Alexa, my name is Gwendolyn." She smiled brightly, then went for the horse, letting Julien help her up.
"Thank you again. Goodbye now." She turned the horse around and went away. But she didn't even ask for Julien's name, didn't she care?
"Don't worry about the horse, we will get another one." Julien was saying to me as he wiped his sword on his trousers, putting it back in its sheath.
"I know a place where we can get shelter for the night and a new horse, we won't have to walk far at all."
I was tormented by thoughts.It would have been easier if Julien left like that, but he just had to say those words to me, making me restless with tormenting thoughts. I had to wonder if I was doing the right thing by denying my love and refusing to be with Julien, I couldn't decide.I thought by the time Julien returned from his trip, I would be ready to get on with my life without worrying about my feelings; but now, I wondered if I should forget my worry and accept to be with him.Yes, he was Gwen's husband but now she's dead, I am in charge of the children as she wanted and now I'm really in love with Julien, also as she wanted.Did she somehow see the future? Did she know I would eventually fall in love with Julien and she gave me her permission beforehand? That sounded like something Gwen was capable of, she was always after my happiness. Why then was I still denying it and refusing to be with Julien? Maybe I needed some kind of reassurance that I was doing the right thing, or m
He looked surprised at me, unable to say a word."But I can't be because you are Gwen's husband.""Alexa...""I can't blame you or myself because it was bound to happen, Martha thought so too. The only way we can help the situation is to avoid each other and my feelings will naturally die.""Why is that the only way? Why can't we nurture it and let it bloom?" I stared at him, what was he saying? "I am no longer Gwen's husband, we all lost her but that doesn't mean we can't move on with our lives. It would be wrong if Gwen was still here, but she's not and to be honest, she did give us her blessing. So, why should we shy away from our emotions?" Was he talking about Gwen asking him to marry me? Has he really been thinking about that all these time? When he says 'ours', does he mean he feels the same way too? No, probably not."I can't... it's not right.""Alexa..." But I didn't listen, I left him there and went to my room.I spent the rest of the day thinking about Julien's words, Mart
Arthur avoided me for the rest of the day, he always looked away when I was close to him and he walked away before I could say a word.He barely even touched his dinner and insisted that Julien tuck them in for the night. It really made me sad and uneasy.I had to wait in Julien's study for him to tuck the children in. We still had to talk about Cecilia and I had to thank him for finding her.I sat on the soft couch in his study and waited, lost in my thoughts, wondering how I could get Arthur to talk to me again. I couldn't let them call me mother, I just couldn't. No matter how much I...The door opened and I straightened. Julien looked a little surprised to see me there."I thought you went to bed." He said as he came in, shutting the door behind him."I wanted to talk to you first." He nodded and came over to sit next to me on the couch."What about?""About Cecilia... Thank you for finding her, I didn't know you were searching for her at all...""I have, ever since you told me sh
"Did you see that?!" I nodded to Arthur's question, he was pointing at a spot where a hawk had swooped down to grab a prey which appeared to be a lizard."It was so fast!" He said, running to the spot and looking up as if he could still see the bird. I only smiled.Arthur seemed happier now, he could smile and play with his brothers again; he didn't cry in his sleep anymore. In fact, it's been two months since I've heard him mention his mother or cry for her.It's been seven months since Gwen's demise and I missed her so much, I was getting used to my everyday life with the children and Julien; our pretend family. I call it pretend because no matter how many functions I attended with them, being their stand-in mother, I was still Alexa and not Gwen. I could never fully be their mother, no matter how natural I was with them.Sometimes I would be lost in thought and wished Gwen could see her boys grow and it would bring tears to my eyes, but I would remind myself that no amount of cryin
It was morning and we had just said goodbye to Papa Benjamin and Papa Ramsey, now it was time to say goodbye to the dowager duchess, Frederick, Martha and their children.Arthur was upset, so he refused to say goodbye and stayed in bed. We couldn't force him, the child was hurt.Julien was carrying Eliott and the sleeping Eric was in my arms as we watched them get on the carriage, but then Martha suddenly came down and came to me."Can I speak to you briefly?""Of course." I followed her as she led me all the way to the library. "What is wrong?" I asked her when she finally stopped."I didn't want to say anything but I couldn't bring myself to leave without saying it.""Saying what?" She stared at me for a moment and I waited."Gwen loved you a lot, so much that I believe she loved you more than she loved the children.""That is not possible.""But it is. She always spoke so highly of you and when she got sick, she was always saying strange things that I couldn't understand.""Strange
"What will you do now?" I was sitting at the garden alone when Pa Benjamin joined me, sitting next to me. Gwen and the baby were buried two days ago, but it did nothing to soothe the ache in my heart; it still didn't feel real to me. I keep expecting her to jump out behind me and tell me it was all a joke.The funeral was a big ceremony and even Robert and his wife had to come with their children, as well as Gwen's acquaintances and the entire population of Arana... after all, their Duchess just died.Papa Benjamin and Papa Ramsey came immediately we sent a letter to them. Of course, Papa Benjamin was furious that we hid the truth from him and he missed Gwen's last moments, but he managed to calm down after a while.Julien didn't know how to go about explaining the situation to Arthur, so I went with him. As expected, he child was devastated and he reminded me so much of Cecilia. I wasn't going to let him feel alone, not ever. I assured him that he still had Julien and I would be wit