True to Julien's words, we didn't have to walk so far to get into another town. I expected him to pay for a room in an inn, but he said something about having a friend who would shelter us.
I was surprised when we stopped in front of a really big house. He has a wealthy friend? I followed closely behind him as we walked into the house, a servant approached us and took us to the living area.
"Wait here." Julien instructed me and walked away with the servant. I was given cake and hot chocolate, it was so yummy that I didn't mind how long Julien spent. I was nearly falling asleep when he returned with a lady on his arm.
I was on my feet already; from her well made hair, her expensive gown to her leather shoes, I knew she was the lady of the house.
"Lady Penelope, this is my bride Gwendolyn. Gwendolyn, this is Lady Penelope, the viscountess." I didn't know if I should curtsey or kiss her cheek, I didn't know how I was supposed to behave in the presence of a viscountess. She was such a young woman, she didn't even look above three and twenty, yet she was a viscountess.
"Don't look so nervous, I'm no one special. Hello, cousin-in-law." She left Julien's side to hug me, kissing me on both cheeks. Me, a mere peasant.
"Cousin-in-law?" I asked when she pulled away.
"Yes. My mother was Julien's Aunt, I was only privileged to marry a Viscount. Think nothing of my title, I am your family now." She linked her arm with mine. "Julien told me about your encounter with the bandits, must have been traumatic for you, pretty thing." She began leading me towards the fancy stairs. "Bandits are a big issue for us here and we have tried everything to get rid of them but they just go outside the town and scare people away. You must be tired, I will show you to your room." I seized a look at Julien, his eyes were on me. I immediately worried if I shouldn't follow Lady Penelope and should stay at his side. I looked down at his wounded arm, it was neatly bandaged now.
"Don't worry about your husband now, he will keep company with the men." Lady Penelope said, pulling me with her. Julien gave a silent nod as if in agreement with what she said and looked away from me.
"The men?"
"Yes, my husband and his brothers are in the ranch right now. They will join us for dinner." We came to the first floor and she led me to one of the doors. "This will be the room you share with your husband." She said before opening the door to reveal a very fancy looking room with a big bed and curtains around the bed; it had a window sit too and beautiful lamps.
"Go in and get some rest dear, you need it, don't you?" I smiled my thanks to Lady Penelope and she returned it, leaving me alone in the room. I was asleep as soon as I fell on the bed.
"My lady? My lady?" I woke up to a servant girl peering over me. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up.
"I'm sorry, how long was I asleep for?"
"I don't know, my lady. Lady Penelope asked that I help you take a bath, she will join us shortly."
"Help me take a bath?!" I was fully awake now. "That really won't be necessary, I can manage on my own." She nodded and left.
I found a bath already made for me and the warm water felt so good on my hand, I wasted no time in getting in the bath. The warm water helped me relax more and the soap was so nice, I wanted to remain in the bath forever.
However, that was not to be the case as I heard a soft knock on the door followed by the opening of the door. I hurriedly picked my dress from the floor and shielded my body with it, thinking it was Julien.
"Oh my!" I heard Lady Penelope's laugh. "I see you and your husband hasn't been well acquainted yet." At the knowing look on her face, I felt myself blush. Of course Julien and I are yet to consummate our marriage, we aren't even properly married.
Lady Penelope went over to sit on the bed, not minding that I was naked in the bathtub.
"Uhm..." I tried saying something but nothing came to mind and I couldn't ask her to leave, it was her house.
"How long will you be in the bathtub? Hurry out, it's almost time for dinner."
"Oh, urh... Yes." How embarrassing! I forgot to find a towel before getting in the bathtub; now how do I dry myself?
"Gwen... Can I call you Gwen? You don't have to feel shy in front of me, I am a woman like you. If you stay in the bath longer, I'm afraid you might catch a cold."
"Y-yes, you're right. I... urh... forgot to bring a towel with me, now I have..."
"Why didn't you just say so?" She got off the bed and went over to the wardrobe, opening it and bringing out a towel. "Here you go." She brought it over and gave it to me, then she turned her back to me.
"Since you are so shy, I hope this makes you feel better. Julien would be upset with me if I let you catch a cold." I wasted no time in getting out of the bathtub and wrapping myself with the towel.
"Can I turn around now?" She asked, still facing away from me.
"Yes." She faced me now and smiled.
"Do forgive me if I'm being too forward. It's been so long since I've had another young woman to keep me company."
"But you have young servants."
"Yes, I do. But I really can't relate with them because of our differences in status. You, on the other hand, are the perfect lady."
"I'm no lady, I'm a peasant."
"Oh, but you are Julien's wife."
"He has no title." She stared at me for a moment, then her eyes shone.
"Yes, yes, you're right, he has no title."
"And, I'm not really his wife yet; we haven't exchanged vows."
"That won't be a problem, I am certain Julien will take care of that soon. Tell me, what will you wear to dinner?" I looked down at my gown I had dropped on the floor.
"I'm wearing that, Julien bought it for me." Lady Penelope took one look at it and snarled.
"That dress does not befit you." I giggled at how serious she sounded.
"It is worth more than what I usually wear. Of course you wouldn't like it, you're used to more fancy dresses with gems on them."
"Gems?" She laughed loudly. "You crack me up, Gwen. I am not a Queen, how can I possibly afford such a dress? I could sell all I own and it won't still be enough to buy one dress as such."
I was tormented by thoughts.It would have been easier if Julien left like that, but he just had to say those words to me, making me restless with tormenting thoughts. I had to wonder if I was doing the right thing by denying my love and refusing to be with Julien, I couldn't decide.I thought by the time Julien returned from his trip, I would be ready to get on with my life without worrying about my feelings; but now, I wondered if I should forget my worry and accept to be with him.Yes, he was Gwen's husband but now she's dead, I am in charge of the children as she wanted and now I'm really in love with Julien, also as she wanted.Did she somehow see the future? Did she know I would eventually fall in love with Julien and she gave me her permission beforehand? That sounded like something Gwen was capable of, she was always after my happiness. Why then was I still denying it and refusing to be with Julien? Maybe I needed some kind of reassurance that I was doing the right thing, or m
He looked surprised at me, unable to say a word."But I can't be because you are Gwen's husband.""Alexa...""I can't blame you or myself because it was bound to happen, Martha thought so too. The only way we can help the situation is to avoid each other and my feelings will naturally die.""Why is that the only way? Why can't we nurture it and let it bloom?" I stared at him, what was he saying? "I am no longer Gwen's husband, we all lost her but that doesn't mean we can't move on with our lives. It would be wrong if Gwen was still here, but she's not and to be honest, she did give us her blessing. So, why should we shy away from our emotions?" Was he talking about Gwen asking him to marry me? Has he really been thinking about that all these time? When he says 'ours', does he mean he feels the same way too? No, probably not."I can't... it's not right.""Alexa..." But I didn't listen, I left him there and went to my room.I spent the rest of the day thinking about Julien's words, Mart
Arthur avoided me for the rest of the day, he always looked away when I was close to him and he walked away before I could say a word.He barely even touched his dinner and insisted that Julien tuck them in for the night. It really made me sad and uneasy.I had to wait in Julien's study for him to tuck the children in. We still had to talk about Cecilia and I had to thank him for finding her.I sat on the soft couch in his study and waited, lost in my thoughts, wondering how I could get Arthur to talk to me again. I couldn't let them call me mother, I just couldn't. No matter how much I...The door opened and I straightened. Julien looked a little surprised to see me there."I thought you went to bed." He said as he came in, shutting the door behind him."I wanted to talk to you first." He nodded and came over to sit next to me on the couch."What about?""About Cecilia... Thank you for finding her, I didn't know you were searching for her at all...""I have, ever since you told me sh
"Did you see that?!" I nodded to Arthur's question, he was pointing at a spot where a hawk had swooped down to grab a prey which appeared to be a lizard."It was so fast!" He said, running to the spot and looking up as if he could still see the bird. I only smiled.Arthur seemed happier now, he could smile and play with his brothers again; he didn't cry in his sleep anymore. In fact, it's been two months since I've heard him mention his mother or cry for her.It's been seven months since Gwen's demise and I missed her so much, I was getting used to my everyday life with the children and Julien; our pretend family. I call it pretend because no matter how many functions I attended with them, being their stand-in mother, I was still Alexa and not Gwen. I could never fully be their mother, no matter how natural I was with them.Sometimes I would be lost in thought and wished Gwen could see her boys grow and it would bring tears to my eyes, but I would remind myself that no amount of cryin
It was morning and we had just said goodbye to Papa Benjamin and Papa Ramsey, now it was time to say goodbye to the dowager duchess, Frederick, Martha and their children.Arthur was upset, so he refused to say goodbye and stayed in bed. We couldn't force him, the child was hurt.Julien was carrying Eliott and the sleeping Eric was in my arms as we watched them get on the carriage, but then Martha suddenly came down and came to me."Can I speak to you briefly?""Of course." I followed her as she led me all the way to the library. "What is wrong?" I asked her when she finally stopped."I didn't want to say anything but I couldn't bring myself to leave without saying it.""Saying what?" She stared at me for a moment and I waited."Gwen loved you a lot, so much that I believe she loved you more than she loved the children.""That is not possible.""But it is. She always spoke so highly of you and when she got sick, she was always saying strange things that I couldn't understand.""Strange
"What will you do now?" I was sitting at the garden alone when Pa Benjamin joined me, sitting next to me. Gwen and the baby were buried two days ago, but it did nothing to soothe the ache in my heart; it still didn't feel real to me. I keep expecting her to jump out behind me and tell me it was all a joke.The funeral was a big ceremony and even Robert and his wife had to come with their children, as well as Gwen's acquaintances and the entire population of Arana... after all, their Duchess just died.Papa Benjamin and Papa Ramsey came immediately we sent a letter to them. Of course, Papa Benjamin was furious that we hid the truth from him and he missed Gwen's last moments, but he managed to calm down after a while.Julien didn't know how to go about explaining the situation to Arthur, so I went with him. As expected, he child was devastated and he reminded me so much of Cecilia. I wasn't going to let him feel alone, not ever. I assured him that he still had Julien and I would be wit