CHAPTER FOUR — BEYOND THE DREAMS

CASSIAN

The first thing I noticed when I arrived at the Southern territory was the scent. It was faint, so faint I couldn’t tell if it was real or if I was imagining it again.

I sat behind the wheel of my truck for a moment and stared through the windshield at the unfamiliar grounds. I couldn’t explain what had changed but I knew I couldn’t ignore it. I needed to speak to Alaric. I’d gone to the Northern territory first thing that morning only to find out he’d already left with the Northern delegation for the negotiations in the South.

I was supposed to come here later since the leadership training was part of the reason I’d been expected in the territory, along with the negotiations that would follow, but I hadn’t been able to wait after that dream. For the first time in years I’d seen her face and I couldn’t shake the feeling that if I waited even a day longer I might lose the chance to understand what it meant. I needed answers and Alaric was the only person I trusted to give them to me.

So I’d driven south to speak to him. I grabbed my bag from the back seat and stepped out of the truck. The moment my feet touched the ground a voice came from behind me. “Packkeeper Cassian?”

I turned and found a guard standing a few feet away with surprise written plainly across his face. “We weren’t expecting you until tomorrow evening,”he said.

“I know,” I said, and his eyes shifted briefly towards the truck before returning to me.

“Is everything alright?” he asked, his tone carrying a hint of concern.

“I’m here to see Elder Alaric.”

He didn’t question it. He simply nodded and reached for one of my bags. “Come with me, please.”

I followed him as we walked through the territory, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. It had changed, though not completely. The main building still stood where I remembered it, surrounded by the same stretch of trees and open grounds, but newer structures had appeared around it, including more training facilities and houses, while more people moved through the grounds than I remembered.

The last time I’d been here the current Alpha was still young and reckless. He’d been convinced he already knew everything there was to know about leading a pack. Decades had passed since then and now I was back to train the next generation of leaders.

I barely noticed when the guard turned onto one of the paths because my attention had been caught by something else. A young woman stood near the gardens a short distance away. She was crouched beside a group of children and helping one of them with something I couldn’t make out from where I stood. She laughed at something the little girl said then brushed a strand of dark hair away from her face before standing.

There was nothing remarkable about the moment and nothing that should have made me stop, yet something inside me did. I didn’t know her and I was certain of that, but there was something about the way she moved and the sound of her laughter that felt strangely familiar, though I couldn’t explain why.

She turned slightly and I found myself watching her without knowing why, then she lifted her head and our eyes met. Our eyes met and for a split second everything seemed to stop. My breath caught in my throat as recognition hit me with a force I couldn’t explain. Those eyes. I knew those eyes. I’d seen them in darkness, in dreams and in memories that belonged to lives I had no business remembering. My heart gave one hard painful beat.

“Sir?”

I blinked and realized the guard was already a few steps ahead of me. “This way, sir,” he called, gesturing for me to follow.

“Who is she?” I asked, ignoring him as I turned back towards the spot where I’d seen her. The guard stopped and glanced at me.

“Who, sir?”

I looked towards the garden. “She—” I pointed towards where she’d been standing but the words died in my throat. The spot was empty. A few children were still playing nearby but she was gone. I scanned the garden and then the path beyond it but found nothing.

“Who were you talking about?” the guard asked.

I lowered my hand. “No one.” He looked at me for a moment as though he wasn’t sure what to make of my answer before turning and continuing down the path. I followed him but my mind remained behind, still fixed on the empty garden and the woman who had disappeared from it.

Had I actually seen her? The thought unsettled me more than it should have. Maybe the dream had finally followed me into reality or perhaps I was so desperate to find her that my mind had started creating her. I tightened my grip around the handle of my bag.I needed to see Alaric now more than ever.

Alaric was exactly where I’d been told he’d be, sitting beside the fire in the small room assigned to him with a book open in his hands. He looked up the moment I entered and said, “You came early.”

“I needed to speak to you.”

His eyes narrowed slightly as he studied me. “You’ve had another dream,” he stated matter-of-factly. It wasn’t a question.

“Yes,” I confirmed. He studied my face with his brows drawn together as he slowly closed the book in his hands. “Different?”

I nodded. “She turned.” Something flickered across his expression but disappeared before I could identify it.

“What did you see?”

“Her face.” I stepped closer to the fire and suddenly felt cold despite its warmth. “I’d never seen it that clearly before.”

“And?” he asked.

I looked at him. “I know it was her.”

“You saw the face of the woman from the records?” the elder asked, his gaze fixed on mine.

“No.” I shook my head. “Not from the records.” I paused, trying to put what I had seen into words. “From my memories.”

Silence settled between us as the fire crackled softly. The elder studied me for a long moment and I noticed the change in his expression before he finally looked away.

“What?” I asked.

He turned his gaze towards the fire as though deciding whether to say what was on his mind. “Nothing.”

“That wasn’t nothing,” I said flatly.

He sighed before quietly admitting, “I saw someone yesterday.”My entire body stilled. “Where?” I asked, running a hand through my hair.

“Here, in the hallway.”I stared at him and he continued, “A young woman.”My pulse quickened. “What about her?”

“I don’t know.” He looked back at me. “But when I saw her, I felt something.” My jaw tightened. “What kind of something?” I asked impatiently

“Recognition.” The word hung between us and I forgot to breathe.He shook his head. “I couldn’t place it. I’ve never met her before.”

“Describe her,” I said.He did and with every word something inside me became more certain.

“Young, curious eyes, dark hair, eyes that—”I stopped him. “What was her name?”

“I don’t know,” he answered.

For the first time in years I felt something dangerously close to hope. It hit me so suddenly that I almost forgot to breathe.

Everything inside me seemed to wake at once. The woman I’d seen in the garden hadn’t been a fragment of my imagination. It was her and she was here. Somewhere outside this room.I stared at him. “That was her. I saw her on my way here. She disappeared so quickly that I thought she was a fragment of my imagination.”

Alaric’s eyes narrowed. “You saw her?”I nodded. “I didn’t know if she was real.” I added.

For a moment neither of us spoke. Then Alaric leaned back slowly and his expression became thoughtful.“So now that you may have found her, what exactly do you intend to do?”

“I want to meet her,” I replied quickly without hesitation.

The elder’s expression changed. It didn’t soften this time. It hardened. “Cassian, you need to let her go.”

I stared at him. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“No.” I shook my head. “I’ve spent too long waiting for her to walk away now.”

Alaric leaned forward with his gaze fixed on mine.“Three times, Cassian.”

I swallowed and he continued “Three times you found her. Three times you watched her die.”

My jaw tightened. “I remember.”

“Then why are you willing to do it again?”

“Because this time could be different.”

He shook his head. “It won’t.”

I looked away. “You don’t know that.”

“I know and I think deep down you know it too.”His voice softened but somehow that made it worse.“You’re kickstarting the cycle again. The moment you find her it begins. The dreams. The recognition. The bond.” He paused. “And eventually the ending.”

My chest tightened as though all the air had suddenly been pulled from my lungs.“She’ll keep dying, Cassian.” Alaric continued,his eyes not leaving mine. “Every time you find her she dies. She’ll keep dying until you finally let her go.”

For a moment I couldn’t speak because I’d spent centuries convincing myself that time was the cruel part and that if I could only find her early enough and understand what was happening maybe I could finally change the ending, but Alaric was asking me to accept something I’d never been willing to consider, that maybe I wasn’t breaking the cycle at all and perhaps I was the one keeping it alive.

I looked towards the window as the weight of his words settled over me. Somewhere beyond those walls she was here, alive, and for the first time in centuries I knew exactly where she was, yet Alaric was telling me that the only way to keep her alive was to leave her alone.

I closed my eyes and tried to imagine walking away from her again, but how was I supposed to let her go when I’d only just found her?