Chapter 8: Blurred

CASS

Since my mom was in a good mood after our agreement last night, she allowed me to drive my car instead of our family chauffeur take me to school. Pakiramdam ko tuloy ay nabigyan ako ng labis na kalayaan habang hawak ang manibela ng sasakyan.

I screamed while enjoying my way through the car park. My mother never allowed me to drive on my own because she thought that I will be getting used to cutting my classes to hang out withTrixy which is what I was really planning to do before. But not today. I will not let Trixy hop in here yet.

As I opened the door and stepped out, some of the students noticed me and was surprised to see that I came out of the driver’s seat. Madalas kasing nag-aabang ang mga estudyante rito sa park sa hindi malamang dahilan kaya’t alam nilang may naghahatid-sundo sa akin.

“Mga rich kid nga naman!” ani ng isang estudyante sa kasama habang nakatingin sa sasakyan ko.

I just gave my genuine smile at them before flipping my hair to brag even more. This is why I love the attention of everyone. It boosts my confidence and it makes me feel superior above all others.

“Cassidy.”

Halos mahulog ang puso ko sa sobrang pagkabigla nang may marinig akong malamig na baritonong boses na tumawag sa akin mula sa likuran. Nagtaasan pa lang ang mga balahibo ko ay alam ko na kung sino iyon.

Agad kong hinarap ito at pilit na ngumiti bago napilitang bumati, “hey Chad.”

Bigla ko tuloy naalala ang nangyari kahapon. Ang mga nanlilisik niyang mata, ang igting niyang panga’t marahas na mga halik. Hindi ko na tuloy siya matingnan nang diretso sa mata at agad na nabura ang kaninang malakas kong confidence.

“Are you okay?” he asked worriedly as he stepped closer to check on me. Nahalata niya sigurong nag-iba ang pakiramdam ko nang dumating siya.

“Y-yes of course! I’m really fine.” I couldn’t help myself as I stuttered and even tried to raise my arms to shield myself, afraid that he might hurt me again.

Nakatingin lang s’ya sa akin ng mga ilang segundo bago napaatras at agad na napayuko, “I’m really sorry about what happened yesterday. I let my emotions get ahead of me and I lost my temper. I shouldn’t have done that to you, it’s not your fault.”

Hindi pa rin ako makapagsalita at nahiya ako bigla sa mga taong nakatingin sa amin. Hindi na ‘yong kotse ko ngayon ang agaw pansin. Pati drama namin ni Chad ay pinagchichismisan na ngayon ng mga estudyante.

“Okay na yon. Kalimutan na lang natin ang nangyari.” I faked a smile at him and slightly pat his shoulder to show that it was not a big deal. Thankfully, his face filled with guilt was replaced with relief as he gave a half-smile.

“Thank you for giving me a chance. I’ll be a very good fiance.”

I was already in a calm mood but then he brought up that word so the awkwardness came back and my goosebumps worsened.

“Fiancé…what a word, don’t you think?” I faked a laugh to change the mood but when it did, Chad was obviously disappointed with how I reacted. Bumagsak bigla ang mga balikat n’ya habang nakatitig nang marahan sa akin. Naawa naman ako at pinilit ang sarili na magpaliwanag pero sa paraang hindi na siya maiinis.

“You see Chad, its not that I’m trying to dump you, I just want to know more about you. Hindi pa kasi kita lubos na kilala kaya’t sa tingin ko ay hindi pa magandang isipin na ikakasal na tayo ka agad. Gusto ko munang magka-mabutihan tayo.”

Bakas pa rin ang lungkot sa mga mata niya, pero marahan pa rin siyang tumango bilang tugon na para bang pilit na iniintindi ang gusto kong ipahiwatig.

“I’m still thankful for it. At least I’ll have the chance to prove myself to you.” He said before he offered to walk with me to my classroom and his whole time.

“Hoy Cassidy! Ano itong nabalitaan ko, ha?”

Trixy suddenly came out of nowhere while I tried to busy myself writing a bigla naman ako kay Trixy dahil long ass notes I might need for my reasearch. Naisip kong ngayon na maayos na kami ni Chad, he would surely help me again pero ayaw ko pa ring magmukhang tanga.

Ngunit ngayon ay mukhang sinusubok ang tatag ko sa pag-aaral at napilitang tingalain si Trixy na ngayon ay nakapameywang habang titig na titig sa akin, “ano na naman ba ang tsismis na nakalap mo?” tanong ko rito habang nakataas ang kaliwang kilay at isinara ang notebook.

Agad naman siyang naupo sa katabing upuan ko at ipinakita sa akin ang screen ng kanyang cellphone at doon, nakalagay ang isang pamilyar na litrato.

“Bakit kayo magkayakap ni Chadler Trevoir ha? Sa post ko pa talaga nalaman? Dapat ako na kaibigan mo ang unang nakakita nito!”

Hindi na ako nagtaka kung saan kami nakuhanan dahil alam ko kung kailan at saan ako niyakap ni Chad. He hugged me at the parking lot and I bet a few of the students there took a photo of us and posted it. But what caught my attention was the man standing at the back of my car.

Masyadong malabo ang mukha n’ya but he was wearing the Mendel High uniform for men. Naningkit ang mga mata ko dahil pilit kong kinikilatis ang pamilyar na bulto ng lalaki. It was like he moved away fast from the back of the car. Nakablurred tuloy ang bulto nito at dahil may kalayuan ang kumuha ng litrato, hindi malinaw kung sino iyon.

Napagpasiyahan kong pumunta sa library para kumuha ng resources para sa research ko dahil gusto kong sundin ang advice ni Chad na wag masyadong umasa sa internet. Hirap na hirap akong maghanap ng tamang libro para sa research ko dahil hindi ibinabalik ng mga gumagamit ng libro sa tamang puwesto ang mga ito.

Nag-aaral pero hindi educated! Hindi marunong magbalik sa pinagkuhanan! Kaya nahihirapan akong maghanap eh! Hinaluan pa ng mga fiction books ang educational kaya’t ang sarap talagang itumba nitong bookshelf sa pagmumukha ng mga iresponsableng estudyante!

“Since when did it interest you to read books?”

Napalingon ako bigla at nakita si Zeke na kumukuha rin ng libro sa kabilang dulo ng shelf. Naghuramentado bigla ang puso ko at hindi napigilang panggigilan ang hawak na libro.

Half of my heart was really happy seeing him pero pinipilit kong kontrolin ang sarili ko na hindi ma-tuksong kausapin sya. I want to keep my promise that I will stick to Chad no matter what.

I mindlessly took different books to divert my attention although my hands were trembling out of nervousness.

“Do you think all of that fifteen books will help? I thought your family is rich enough to have internet connection? Pinahihirapan mo ang sarili mo diyan eh pwede namang makakuha ng resources sa isang pindot lang.”

When I realized what he said added by how heavy the books were as I carried them with my petite hands, I suddenly realized that I was taking books without even checking. May mga nahalo pa ngang fiction books na hindi ko naman kailangan.

“You even took some nonsense stuff?”

Minadali kong ibalik ang mga librong hindi ko naman kailangan liban sa mga nakuha ko na kanina at isang Statistics book. Kailangan ko ng guide para sa bwisit na calculations. I tried lifting them all at inayos ang pagkakapatong para hindi dumulas at mahulog ang mga nasa ibabaw.

“Your books are still too many.” Zeke said with his usual monotonous voice but I did not bother to turn and look at him.

Nahihiwagaan ako ngayon sa kan’ya dahil kahit kailan sa buhay ko ay hindi nya pa ako kinausap nang ganito. Parang sa paraan niya ng pagsasalita ay gusto niyang magkaroon kami ng interaction. Noon ay hinding-hindi siya nagsasalita hangga’t hindi ako nauuna. Gusto ko man sumagot kaya lang ay hindi na puwede. Mas mabuti na itong hindi na kami magkibuan para hindi na ako mahirapan.

Aalis na sana ako nang bigla akong nakaramdam na may nakaharang sa paa ko kaya’t natalisod ako’t nahulog ang mga libro.

“Woah!” Buti na lang at naibalanse ko ang sarili ko kaya’t hindi ako natumba at nadapa sa sahig kasama ng mga libro.

Nahiya ako bigla dahil sa harap pa talaga ni Zeke ako natalisod kaya’t dali-dali kong pinulot ang mga libro dahil ayoko nang magtagal pa. Masyadong awkward para sa akin na magtagal pa kasama si Zeke.

“You forgot this one.” Halos magsitayuan ang lahat ng balahibo ko nang marinig ko ang baritono niyang boses malapit sa akin.

Napatingin na lamang ako sa libro na inaabot niya mula sa likuran. Parang hindi ko natatandaan na meron akong kinuhang libro na Guidelines for a Good Research. Gustuhin ko man na sabihin iyon ay wala na akong nagawa kundi kunin ang libro dahil ayaw ko nang kausapin pa siya.

I hurriedly walked away to leave him there without even throwing a glance. Lalo akong mahihirapan magtiis kapag magtama ang mga mata namin.

I tried to find a table where I could read quietly and when I finally found the place where I could sit comfortably, napatingin ko doon sa librong pinulot ni Zeke.

I felt so happy when he handed it because he never handed things gently to me. Madalas ay ibinabagsak niya na lang sa sahig ang ipapaabot niya. Nasasabik kong binuksan ang libro ngunit agad na bumungad sa akin ang isang pink na sticky note na may dalawang katagang nakasulat.

I’m sorry.

The handwriting was beautiful. Maybe it was written by a woman since the color was pink so I snorted and rolled my eyes. Pati libro nadadamay sa kalandian ng mga estudyante rito.

“Tama na Zeke! Pagod na ako!”

After reading tons of books and trying to study about how to make my research better, Chad invited me to play with him in the Basketball court before his training starts. I don’t even know why I agreed to come even though I have really no idea how to play it. Puro lang naman ako panonood kay—well, nevermind.

I suddenly noticed that he was stunned and was staring at me with an indescribable expression on his face.

“Bakit? May problema ba?”

“You called me Zeke.”

It took me a second to remember what I said earlier and it shocked me. I could see in Chad’s eyes how awkward and offended he was. Agad akong na-guilty at nilapitan ito.

“I’m so sorry, Chad. I’m just tired so I got confused.” Paliwanag ko rito bago napaupo sa upuan dahil umabot na kami sa viewer’s front seat kakablock ko sa kanya. Puro na lang ako harang kaso madali niyang naaagaw ang bola sa akin kapag magshu-shoot na ako.

Agad naman siyang sumunod sa akin at naupo sa tabi ko pagkatapos ay kumuha ng isang bottled mineral water at iniabot ito sa akin.

“Thanks.” I said and smile at him before opening the cap to drink.

As I let the water gush down to my throat, nakaramdam ako nang kaunting ginhawa pagkatapos ng nakakapagod na laro. It was not even a serious game but it was really pretty tiring.

Nasa kalagitnaan ako nang pagnamnam ng tubig nang maramdaman kong may malambot na telang humaplos sa balikat ko. Nang lumingon ako ay nakita ko ang kamay ni Chad na nakahawak sa putting towel habang marahan iyon na pinapadausdos sa balat ko.

“You’re covered in sweat.”

I felt a little awkward knowing that Chad was the one doing it, pero hinayaan ko na lang na punasan niya ang katawan ko. Dapat ay masanay na ako sa ganito since the goal was to get close to him.

“Hey Chadler! Mukhang kasama mo ang girlfriend mo ah!” Napatingala ako bigla nang may narinig akong tumawag kay Chad.

Agad na bumungad ang mga members ng Mendel tigers including Zeke who was looking intently at us. Agad kong inalis ang mga mata ko sa kanya at tiningnan muli si Chad na ngayon ay ngiting-ngiti naman sa mga parating na kaibigan.

“Not yet Chen! Not yet!” He said but I could see in his smile that he liked it. He even gave me a wink while still wiping my sweat dry.

“You came too early.”

Pinilit kong hindi lingunin si Zeke na ngayon ay nakatayo na malapit sa akin. I want my eyes to focus on Chad since I might get stuck with Zeke’s handsome face again. Ayaw ko nang isipin pa ang kahihiyang ginawa ko sa library kanina.

“You’ll fall in love with me Cass. Be careful.” Chad did not even turned to his brother and just teased me.

Natawa ako bigla dahil halata sa ngiti nitong nakakaloko na inaasar n’ya ako kaya’t sinampal ko sya nang marahan.

“Stop teasing!” I said and giggled at him while he was still busy with my shoulders.

“Okay. I guess I’m the wind here.” You could hear the sarcasm in Zeke’s voice as he let out a soft sigh.

Mukhang nainis naman si Chad at inis na liningon ang kapatid, “why don’t you just go there huh? You should be training since you came late.” Tiim-bagang na sabi niya rito.

“I actually didn’t came late. I came in the right time. Unlike you who played the early bird to flirt with this woman. Good for you Cass.”

Hindi ko alam kung masyado lang akong assuming or what pero parang nasasaktan si Zeke sa tono ng pananalita niya. Parang galit itong maaga na dumating ang kapatid niya para makipaglaro sa akin sa hindi malamang dahilan.

“Hay~ Pagod~”

When I finally reached the parking lot, I mindlessly walked through my car and was about to get in nang bigla kong makita sa repleksyon ng salamin ng driver’s seat na may nakatayong tao sa gilid ko. Nang lumingon ako ay halos tumalon ang puso ko nang makita si Zeke na tahimik na nakatayo.

“Oh sh—what the hell, Zeke?” Muntik na akong mapamura sa gulat at agad na napahawak sa dibdib.

I was about to say something again nang bigla kong maalala na hindi ko nga pala sya dapat kausapin.

Hindi ko na siya pinansin pa at pumasok na lamang sa kotse bago isinara ang pinto kahit pa alam kong hindi pa siya umaalis. Hindi ko na siya tiningnan at ipinasak na lamang ang susi pero bago ko pa mapaandar ang makina ay may biglang kumatok s’ya sa bintana.

I want to ignore him pero hindi ito tumitigil sa pagkatok kaya’t nainis na ako. Wala akong nagawa kundi ang buksan ang bintana at tiningnan siya nang matalim kahit pa naghuhuramentado na ang puso ko habang tinititigan ang nakakaakit niyang mukha.

“What do you want?” pilit na iritado kong tanong habang mahigpit na nakakapit sa manibela.

“Do you really want to play basketball?”

I thought he was going to fire his usual offensive insults and heartbreaking words but then I frowned when things didn’t go as usual.

“What made you ask?”

Ako pa rin ba ang nagsasalita? Parang feeling ko nawala na ang dating ako na grabe ang pagkabaliw dito sa anghel na to!

“If you really want to, then come tomorrow at the court after your class.”

But the question that bothers me the most is, am I really talking to the real Zeke Trevoir? Hindi naman siya ganito dati ah.

Personally, I am very thrilled about it. This is my dream and today, it finally came true. But on the back of my mind, I still made my promise. I cannot break it knowing what would happen if I did.

“Thanks for the invitation but I’m not interested. Busy ako sa research ngayon. I need to fulfill my requirements since graduating students na tayo. You should too.”

Wherever I got this confidence and bravery, I should be thankful because without it, I would be walking out of the car to hug him. I should be proud of myself.

As I went to bed, I started reminiscing about Zeke and what happened at the car park. This is torture. If I would not be able to take this, then I could possibly ruin his life.

“Please stop making everything hard for me, angel. I’m doing this for you.” I whispered to myself as I stared up at the blank ceiling of my room, letting out a heavy sigh.

I was about to close my eyes and fall into a deep slumber but then my phone started ringing.

Napatingin ako sa study table ko bago naupo sa kama at inabot iyon. Nang makuha ay agad akong nagtaka nang makitang may na-receive akong text galing sa isang unknown number.

See you tommorow.

I frowned while looking at the message thinking who could be the sender. Maybe it’s Chadler. He was the only one who could possibly text me at this time of the evening.

***