Chapter 3

I drove straight to the children's hospital, where a doctor pulled up Yale's screening report from three years earlier.

"He was never diagnosed with school-pickup anxiety."

I frowned. "Then why did he throw up every time he saw me?"

The doctor looked back at the report. "What happened the first time he cried like that?"

"His father told me to go home."

"And after that?"

"Whenever he cried, I left."

That made him frown. "Then that's what Yale learned. Crying makes Mom disappear."

I tightened my grip on the report.

For three years, Yates had told me sending me away was part of the treatment.

Before I could dwell on that, my phone buzzed with an email from HR at the Santara headquarters.

[Ms. Lawson, the three-year overseas assignment you declined three months ago is still available. If you've changed your mind, please confirm by noon this Friday.]

I'd barely hesitated before turning it down three months ago. Yale was about to graduate, and after missing so much already, I hadn't wanted to lose another day of his childhood.

When I got home, I went through the top shelf of the bookcase in his room and found a growth journal.

The cover read:

[Yale's Growing Up]

Inside, someone had kept meticulous records.

[April 17: Winnie Lawson came to school. Yale cried for eight minutes and stopped after Yara took him away.]

[April 29: Told Yale ahead of time that "Mommy Yara might not come." Yale refused to let Winnie Lawson pick him up.]

Page after page documented every time my son had rejected me.

Tucked into page fifty-three was a drawing titled [My Family]. His teacher had written underneath:

[Why do you have two moms?]

Yale had answered in pencil.

[Winnie Lawson doesn't love me, so I don't love her either.]

[She doesn't want to pick me up or come to my school activities.]

[Mommy Yara is the one who really wants me.]

My fingers froze against the paper.

What had they been telling him for the past three years to make him believe his own mother didn't want him?

The final pages contained photos from the school's counseling room. On Yale's "Safe Family" board were Yates, Helen, and Yara.

Everyone except me.

I was still holding the journal when Yates came home. The second he saw it, his face darkened.

"Who told you to go through that?"

Instead of answering, I handed him the report from the hospital.

"Yale never had school-pickup anxiety. Why did you lie to me?"

Yates went still for a moment before saying, "Just because he was never formally diagnosed doesn't mean nothing was wrong."

He was quiet again, then finally explained.

"Yara was in a bad place after the miscarriage. If she'd been able to save the baby, it would be about Yale's age now. The first time Yale hugged her and called her Mom, she ate a full meal for the first time in three months."

I stared at him.

"How do you know that?"

A brief pause.

"I went with her to her follow-up appointments."

The answer landed harder than I expected.

"So you gave her my son?"

"I didn't give her anyone. I just let them be there for each other."

His voice softened, as though the outcome should have justified everything.

"Yale stopped fighting about school, and Yara slowly got better. Things were improving for both of them. Isn't that a good thing?"

Then he pulled me into his arms.

"Winnie, I was only trying to make your life easier. From now on, I'll go to every one of Yale's activities with you. Okay?"

He kissed my forehead.

"And I'll make things clear with Yara."

There had been a time when that would have been enough to make me give in.

Then Yara called.

Yates rejected the first call. When she tried again, he switched off his phone.

"Honey, tonight I'm staying with you."

A second later, my own phone rang.

Helen's panicked voice came through the moment I answered.

"Yale locked himself in a room at Yara's! He won't open the door for anyone. Tell Yates to get back here right now!"

The arms around me loosened immediately.

Yates grabbed his car keys.

"Winnie, I promise. One last time."

Then he was gone.

As the door closed behind him, a sheet of paper slipped from the journal and landed at my feet.

It was the program for Yale's graduation ceremony.

[Outstanding Parent Representative: Yara Xavier]

[Parent-Child Speech: Yale Foster and Mother]

The ceremony was tomorrow.