Chapter 19

KADE

I couldn't sleep.

Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Sera, felt her lips against mine, heard the vulnerability in her voice when she admitted she was scared.

I'd kissed her and I had no idea what I was doing.

Lydia had been dead for five years, five years of telling myself I'd never let anyone in again, never risk that kind of pain and then Sera had walked into my life or rather, I'd dragged her into it and everything I'd promised myself was falling apart.

I gave up on sleep around dawn and headed to the training grounds early, the compound was quiet, peaceful.

It wouldn't last, It never did.

Sera appeared twenty minutes later, right on time. She wore training clothes, her injured arm moving more freely now. When she saw me, she hesitated.

"Morning," she said.

"Morning." My voice came out rougher than intended.

We stood there awkwardly, the memory of yesterday's kiss hanging between us like something physical. I didn't know how to do this, how to train her, work with her, when all I could think about was how she'd felt in my arms.

"Should we.." she started.

"Yes, let's start with warm ups."

We fell into the routine, but everything felt different, I was too aware of her. The way she moved, the concentration on her face, the small sounds she made when an exercise pulled at her healing shoulder.

"Your stance is off," I said, moving closer to correct her position.

My hands touched her hips, adjusting her angle, she went rigid.

"Like this," I said, trying to ignore the way my wolf stirred at the contact. "Your weight needs to be more centered."

"Okay," she whispered.

I stepped back quickly, putting distance between us, this was torture.

"Again," I said.

We moved through the warm ups, both of us careful not to get too close, not to make eye contact for too long. It was the opposite of the easy rhythm we'd developed before Cassandra poisoned everything.

"Let's work on control," I finally said. "You lost it with Cassandra because you were emotional, we need to make sure that doesn't happen again."

Sera nodded, her face serious.

"I'm going to push you," I warned. "Make you angry, scared, whatever it takes to trigger your power, then you're going to pull it back. Understand?"

"Yes."

I circled her slowly, "You're weak," I said, my voice cold. "Undisciplined, one touch from Cassandra and you exploded like a child throwing a tantrum."

Her eyes flashed, but no silver light appeared.

"You'll never control your power because you're too emotional, too soft, an Omega playing at being strong."

Her hands clenched into fists, I saw the faint shimmer start around her fingers.

"Good," I said. "Now pull it back, don't let it control you."

She closed her eyes, breathing slowly, the shimmer faded.

"Again."

We did it over and over, I said cruel things, pushed her buttons, made her angry. Each time the power would flare, and each time she'd pull it back with more control.

"Better," I finally said. "Much better."

"You're a terrible person when you're teaching control," she muttered.

"I'm effective."

"You're mean."

The hint of humor in her voice made something in my chest loosen. This was more like the old Sera, the one who challenged me.

"Let's move to combat," I said.

We sparred, trading strikes and blocks. She was getting better, faster, more confident. When I went for a takedown, she countered perfectly, using my momentum against me.

But she overbalanced, I caught her before she fell, my arms wrapping around her waist. She grabbed my shoulders to steady herself.

We froze.

She was pressed against my chest, her face inches from mine, I could feel her breath, see the silver starting to thread through her brown eyes, not from anger this time, but from something else.

Want.

My wolf surged forward, demanding I close the distance, claim her mouth again, my hands tightened on her waist.

"Kade," she whispered.

The sound of my name from her lips nearly broke my control but I forced myself to step back, to let her go.

"Water break," I said, my voice rough.

She nodded, not meeting my eyes, and moved to the water station.

I stood there trying to get myself under control, this was getting harder, not easier. Being near her, touching her during training, seeing her get stronger, it was all breaking down the walls I'd built.

My mind drifted to yesterday, watching her with Maya in the meeting room, before I'd interrupted. I'd seen them through the doorway, Sera laughing at something her friend said, her whole face lit up, no walls, no fear, just pure joy.

When was the last time she'd looked at me like that?

Never, that was the answer. She'd been wary of me from the start, then Cassandra had made it worse, convinced her she was just a weapon to me.

And now, even after the kiss, even after I'd tried to tell her she mattered, there was still distance, still walls.

Maya had hugged her so easily, Sera had melted into that embrace, had cried on her friend's shoulder. That easy trust, that openness, I wanted that, wanted Sera to look at me without guarding herself, wanted her to smile at me the way she'd smiled at Maya.

The jealousy surprised me, not romantic jealousy. I wasn't worried about Maya as a rival but I envied the connection they had, the friendship, the trust that didn't need to be explained or earned because it had been built over years.

Sera and I didn't have years, we had weeks and most of those weeks had been spent with her thinking I was using her.

"Ready to continue?" Sera asked, walking back.

I looked at her, really looked at her. She met my eyes briefly, then glanced away, still guarded, still careful.

"Yeah," I said. "Ready."

We trained for another hour, she was good, getting better every day. Strong, fierce and exactly what I'd hoped for when I'd brought her here.

But that wasn't enough anymore. I didn't just want her strong, I wanted her happy, wanted her to trust me, to be the person she turned to, not the person she protected herself from.

When did that happen? When did keeping her alive stop being enough?

"That's enough for today," I said finally.

"Already?" She looked surprised. "We usually go longer."

"You're still healing, don't push it."

She studied my face like she was trying to figure out what I wasn't saying, then she nodded. "Okay, same time tomorrow?"

"Same time."

She left, and I stood alone in the training ground, watching her walk away.

My wolf was restless, pacing, wanting to go after her, to fix whatever was still broken between us.

But I didn't know how.

I'd fought for her, protected her, trained her, kissed her and she still looked at me like I might hurt her.

Maybe I would, maybe getting close to me was dangerous in ways that had nothing to do with the Council or Aldric or any external threat.

Maybe Cassandra had been right about one thing, I was using Sera not for her power, but for something else. To feel something other than rage and grief, to have a reason to fight, that wasn't just revenge.

I didn't know what I was doing, didn't know what this was between us or where it could go but I knew I was in deeper than I'd planned.

I had no idea how to get out or if I even wanted to.