Into the Wild Borders

I kept walking through the night until my legs felt like they were on fire. I walked half expecting to hear waking birds. The First rays of dawn became visible. 

The burn of the bond in my chest still burned, burning like a needle pushing at my skin, sharp and painful, the one reminder of what I had left behind, yet I refused to listen. Every time Ronan's face flashed before my eyes, those green eyes that watched me that last time before he raised Isolde's hand. I gritted my teeth and kept walking. I knew if I had stopped I would think too hard then I would feel the pain in my chest, that broken bond point thirty-seven miles away and I would remember Ronan's name. I kept walking, sinking the nerves to my knees into whichever earth I was passing over. The edge of the wild ones would be no place to be weak, the stories from the pack said the rogues here would be starved or attacked by other wolves trying to get into the pack. But I would rather do that than go back.

By midday, the hunger was a constant gnaw in my stomach. I had grabbed bread before I left, but it was now lost somewhere in the folds of my pack. My stomach churned further forward in reaction to the life growing there, pregnant. The word was heavy, and felt solid and real in my chest. How was I supposed to handle this on my own?

Out of nowhere a thread of water appeared, a narrow sliver snaking its way through the rocks. I dropped onto my knees, formed hands and drank. It was cold and tasted of dirt and moss. It helped just a little. Until I heard the growl.

I lifted my knife into the hand gripping it and prepared to run, heavily estranged. "Who's there?” I pushed up to my feet, dagger glued to my hand. A lone gray wolf was emerging from the bushes, scarred and one ear ripped, eyes shining a sickly yellow. It half shifted in the middle of its stride, bones crunching until a man appeared. Tall, muscular, and their hair wild, and pulled shaggy, packed clothing. He was observing me from head to toe.

"You're in my territory" he said in a rough tone.

I kept my knife in the flat of my hand, "I'm just passing through. I'll bring no trouble to you.” I said, still gripping the dagger tighter.

"Voss scent," he said, and his voice was rough, as if unused. "You're a long way from home."

"I'm not going back," I cut in immediately. 

He cocked an eyebrow. "I guess you are on the run huh?”

I ignored him and stared. My blood pumped at the impact. My heart had been against my ribs. I stepped back. "Get away from me."

He snorted. "Fresh rogue. You won't even last a week here by yourself” Name's Renn. I was cast from the River pack for killing my alpha's son's self defense, of course. When he tried to assault my sister."

I hesitated, then dropped the knife a little. "Liora," I announced. "I left Voss's pack last night.”

"You're not still going to be able to last long out here on your own.” He said walking away slowly. “Come on, I got a camping spot. Food's not plentiful, but it's better than starving."

"Why would you help me?" I asked, suspicious.

He shrugged. "Rogues need to hunt together. Or die alone. You pick.”

I blinked at him. The dagger still held tight. Blood pumping through my brain. But my legs trembled and I knew the baby deserved more than my stubbornness.

"Show me the way," I said.

Without saying a word he immediately turned around and I kept ten paces behind.

The camp consisted of a dying campfire, a lean to made of branches and hides, and a few traps in the underbrush. A woman was perched up on a log, polishing a dagger. She had a brunette pony tail, a hard face, and bruises marooned on her cheek. She looked at us quickly.

"Who's this?" she asked Renn.

"Liora," he answered. "Voss' runaway.

The woman got up slowly. "We don't bring in strays."

"She isn't asking for a handout," he insisted. "She just wants to eat."

She stared at me for almost a whole minute before she spoke. "You know how to fight?"

"Enough," I answered.

"Prove it."

She flicked a staff from the ground to me. I grabbed it. She pulled another out. We squared off.

"Go all out," she ordered and I obeyed.

She attacked me first, her pole came flying toward me. I blocked it, turned my torso away, and delivered a low kick. She leap over my foot, and slipped a jab in at my ribs. I duck and aim a punch at her side. She screamed and fell back a step.

"Not bad," she said, putting the stick down. "At least you have potentials.” She paused, after staring at me again, she continued. “I'm Kira. Ran from my old pack after my mate beat me one too many times. Killed him on my way out, and I don't regret it one bit nor am I going back.”

“I'm not going back either.” I said, feeling a wave of determination as I said that.

Kira studied me. "All right. But work or leave. I sat by the fire as Renn threw me a strip of dried meat. "Thanks. I can camp, forage. I'll be able to support myself."

We spoke as the sun reached the high point.

Renn hit me with a piece of dried meat. “ You look like you'd pass out if you go much longer without eating, sit and eat up.” The meat was chewy, salty, the best thing I ever tasted. I ate slowly, looking at them.

Getting up Kira then said “stay the night. Tomorrow you earn your keep, don't make us regret this.” 

I stayed, not like I had any other choice. By night time I took the third shift. Kira slept closest to the fire, Renn on the other side. I sat with my back to a tree and my sharp little knife on my lap, listening to nature's sound. When an over-twig snapped, my heart leaped.

Ronan's face kept appearing in my mind; his eyes when he chose Isolde his face after I said goodbye like he wanted to say something too but couldn't. I pressed my hand to my chest in attempt to stop them. Stop it, I said to the darkness. I made my choice. And I had almost forgotten I was carrying another life in me. I then started to fall into a shallow darkness. It was hard to sleep without even realizing it.

On the following night we sat together at the campfire as Kira poked the embers. "So, what made you Voss? Why are you on a run?"

I stared at the glowing cinders. "Ronan the alpha, he was a friend, we were so close, growing up. More than that; I thought. I felt the matebond and he even confessed to it. But he married someone for the good of the pack. A political alliance."

I looked into the fire, and saw the flame consume the remaining dry twig. "I thought he felt it the same way I did. The other night, by the river, he had held my hand and told me he felt the bond, and then that day…he raised her hand as if I had never been there."

Renn kicked back against a log and crossed his arms behind his head. "Pack politics. They'll sell even their own heart if it means a stronger border. Seen it all before."

Kira snorted, "And that would be us.”

Renn whistled. "One of those rejected mates. Huh, why am I not surprised.” “Didn't snap, did it?" He asked looking concerned now 

I nodded. "Feels like someone cut me in two."

Kira's eyes softened in response. "Men and their duty. He used that excuse too. Good riddance.”

Renn told me about pack life, raiding merchant paths for goods, and avoiding pack patrols. Kira revealed scars she bore, how she used to fight physically rougher to get by. I didn't get a warm feeling from them, but they had a feeling of honesty, compared to what I had known before. Today I felt I didn't stand alone anymore.

We sat watching the embers, sharing turns at watches. 

After that we settled down, and we shared watches. Sleep was restless, I saw Ronan reaching for me in my dream, then stretching away. I woke up panting and sweat covered all over my body. I found it hard to go back to sleep that night.

The day after was mostly walking. I learned from Renn how to set snares. “If you make a tight loop here”, he said, puling at the wire with nimble fingers, “rabbits will follow the path.” No surprises.

I did the same. “Like this?”

“Close enough. Pull tighter and there we go.” Kira said will watching from a log. You learn quick.

“I had to,” I said.

We sat in silence for a little while. The fire crackled. In the distance, an owl hooted, faint but it was evident. My stomach lurched again, though no longer in hunger but in the slow wave of nausea that had persisted all day. I kept my hand over my abdomen underneath the blanket to conceal the shaking.

The following weeks were full of survivals. We'd travel from camp to camp, eluding Shadow Pack scouts patrolling the borders. We were hungry all the time, and my pregnancy worsened. I vomited behind trees every morning. 

Renn taught me better rabbit traps, Kira showed me which roots were eatable. We raided a small human farm once, stealing poultry and grain.

"You're a sharp one," Kira told me one night, after I caught a patrol before they saw us. "You saved our necks."

"Adopted life," I answered. "Always on the outskirts."

More rogues joined us as word had spread of this band of rogues uniting to share food. A pair of young siblings, orphaned when their pack died of sickness. An elderly fighter called Gage, expelled from his own alpha-male after challenging him. 

We expanded to seven, then ten. I assigned watch times and coordinated hunt routes. Finally, they started to listen to me, not because I was obviously the strongest among us, but because I avoided dangers by thinking ahead.

One night I got sick, vomitting behind a tree. Kira appeared, cross armed. “You've been doing that all week.” I tried to brush her off. “It's nothing.”

“Bullshit.” She moved closer. “You're pregnant.”

I stared at her. “What…”

“I'm not stupid, Liora. I'm not blind. I can tell you've been hiding, but your smell's been different for weeks. The way you sit, how you eat, everything.” She said, her voice lowered but pointed. "I've worked with pregnant women. And you're different. You have a sweeter smell. And you're really cautious with your movements, like you don't want to shock anything."

Renn immediatley sat up. "Wait. Pregnant?

Kira didn't look at him, her eyes remained focused on me. "How far?"

I opened my mouth, then shut it. Firelight flicked over her face, casting the old bruise on her cheek in deeper shadows. I could lie, tell her it was cramps, tell her it was nerves, anything. It got stuck behind my tongue.

"I found out when the bond broke, that's when I found out." I whispered. "It was the night I left. Right after the ceremony. Right after the bond broke. I was in my cabin and and I knew."

Renn sighed heavily. "Moon Goddess? That's it. You're just a little edgy."

Kira didn't blink. "And you were just going to keep it from us?"

I wasn't supposed to say…". I swallowed. "I didn't want you to think I was weak. Or to think I was going to hinder you. I was thinking that if I stayed silent long enough I'd be able to do it myself".

Kira looked at me for several beats. Then she laughed, it sounded almost alive, not a lot, kind of tired, and a bit mean. "Figure it out on your own. In rouge territory. With no healer, no pack. Figure it out, Liora. It's either smart, or stupid. Or both."

I'm not stupid, I said, my voice trembling. I just… I can't go back. I won't raise this child in the shadows of his new luna. I won't let it grow up hearing hushed tones whispering that its mother wasn't worth it.

Renn ruffled his hair. "God. I can't believe you're taking all that on your own."

Kira and crossed her arms. 'You're not alone anymore. But you should have said something earlier. We could have been keeping our eyes open for the symptoms, morning sickness, fatigue. You didn't think we see women pregnant out here before?'

I wasn't sure if you'd care," I said. "I thought… maybe you'd think it would be better off if I was gone.

She stared at me as though I had just called her a bad name. "Dead weight? You literally got into a fight with me after trekking all night, you are not dead weight you are carrying a pup its different."

Renn nodded slowly. "She's right. That's what rouges do. Protect others. Even unworthy ones."

There was a lump in my throat. I blinked hard. "I don't want to be treated any differently. Just... The opportunity to show I can do this."

Kira shoveled another piece of wood into the fire, and a shower of sparks erupted into the air. "You already are. But no more hiding things from us. We can smell them. And we don't have time for that."

I nodded. "No more hiding."

She looked me over for a second longer. "So, how far along, exactly?"

"Six weeks. Maybe seven."

Renn whistled softly. "Early, huh? Morning sickness sending that little one into orbit?"

Every day I said. "And it's my bond snap too. Like my body just doesn't know how to be anything but I."

Kira stood up. "Come here."

I hesitated then stood up. She led me on a few paces from the fire to a place nearer the trees, where the light of the moon shone on the ground.

"Lie down," she instructed." On your back."

I did, the cold pressed into my shirt. She knelt down beside me, her hands light but steady, her palms pressing softly against my lower stomach.

Relax, she mumbled. I'm not going to do you any harm.

Her palms were hot. She rotated them in gentle clockwise circles, listening, sensing. After a minute she sank back on her haunches.

"Healthy heartbeat," she said. "Faster, that's good. But you're already too skinny. We need to put more food into you tomorrow."

I looked up at the stars. "You can say all that just from touch?"

I've seen through enough pregnancies, she joked. 'My sister had three of them before the rest of the pack decided I was dangerous… I delivered them, each one'

Renn had wandered away from the fire, giving us room, but I knew he was eavesdropping.

Kira got up and held her hand out to me. I grabbed it. She pulled me up.

"It's no more secrets," she said. "No more starving yourself into a coma for someone else's bet. We've got a puppy that needs you alive and a brother that needs you alive."

I nodded, throat tight. "Okay.”