The Full Moon Choice

The following day was so slow it felt like a weight crushing me. I was up before dawn, the cabin was silent except for Serena's gentle breathing from the next room. 

I got ready in the dark. It was chilly enough to need the black, straight pants and the green shirt shaped just right to match the shape of the woodland, and I got them on along with my boots, lacing them tight, then crept out so I wouldn't wake anyone.

The village was quiet, waiting for something to happen. The full moon ceremony was looming all around us like a fog.

I went back to the training yard again, thinking some movement would settle the tumble in my brain. Jax was already waiting, sharpening a blade on a whetstone.

"Bit early," Jax said, glancing up briefly.

"Couldn't sleep," I shrugged. "You?"

"Same. Ronan's pacing like a caged wolf. Council kept him up all night."

I spun the staff. "About the scouts?"

"Partly." Jax looked between me and his blade. "Partly about tonight, because everyone's betting on Isolde."

I gripped the staff tighter. “Well, duh. Her family hails from clans of sky wolves, after all.”

Jax looked at me. "You happy with it?"

I shrugged. "It's his life, his decision. Pack needs it."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "If you say so."

We practiced our gentle sparring, not with full force. Just enough to keep our muscles loose; every time I swung I had the words from Ronan last night echoing in my head. I feel it too. Our bond had hummed between us like a live wire, and he'd held my hand as if he never wanted to let go. Then the call of the wolf had sent duty dragging him away again; always duty.

After an hour of sweating, Jax gripped my shoulder. "You're not yourself today."

"Am not," I told him nothing.

Jax snorted. "Okay. Get ready. Ceremony is by sunset."

I wandered back to the cabin without hurrying. The village was alive now, women taking down strings of lanterns from the trees, guys putting together planks of wood in the hall, kids grabbing moonflowers. The full moon ceremony was more than just saying yes or no to the luna, it was a night of eating, changing, pack unity. Everyone would be out, everyone would be watching.

Inside, Mom was fiddling with Serena's dress, a deep blue gown clinging to her curves, a shiny pin on her hair, no doubt wondering how she was ever going to be able to fit it all into the pants she was used to. Serena spun around, happy.

"Looking good," Mom said, fussing. "Everyone's going to stare at you tonight." Mom said beaming.

Mom turned. "Liora, you should wear a nicer outfit. It's the biggest night of your life."

"I don't have anything," I murmured.

Serena glowered. "Well you could borrow something of mine. Just don't bend your elbows or the shoulders might split."

I tuned out and went to my room to change into the white shirt I'd kept aside for special occasions. Hardly anything, but it was clean so I could wear it.

By the time dusk fell the entire pack was gathered around the stone hall. Once again torches were all along the pathway, the campfire were lined up the hill, the moon beamed back down from the sky, fat, shining and calling to the wolf in everyone. I was fighting the pull to shift, to run free like I was supposed to, but I kept my cool. Today's only about watching Ronan say no.

I found a seat near the back of the crowd. They were talking softly, ignoring the elders gathering along the platform, all eyes drifting to the moon-gazing platform set above the crowd. Ronan sat solemn with Jax, both in matching dark ceremonial robes. He didn't look at all happy, his eyebrows were tight across his brow, eyes hovering over everyone, including me, until they finally stopped on me and held still. I felt the bond again, more full of fire than usual, like it was going to burst out of me, almost physical. Then he looked away.

Serena pushed through the crowd to stand beside me. "There he is. Looking good, right?” I didn't answer.

The elders started the ceremony officially. Elder Mara, an ancient with swirling white hair and crooked, vicious looking eyes demonstrated with her hands. “The moon rises full. The time has come for our alpha to choose his luna, to bind our pack in strength and future.”

The crowd went quiet. Ronan moved to the steps that led to the platform, every eye was fixed on him. He studied us all in silence.

"Ronan Voss," Elder Mara said. "Will you step forward, before the Moon Goddess and your confident pack, to declare your luna?"

He nodded once. "I will."

My pulse raced loud enough to kill me.

He inhaled. "The shadows are closing in. Our enemy, the Shadow Pack, threatens to encroach. Our borders must be protected. The pack needs unity, stability, allies a power we cannot put a price on."

The crowd roared. Serena eyed me excitedly. "Here it comes."

Ronan looked straight ahead, not at Isolde who was standing at the front, shining in a silver dress, not at me, not even at Jax. "I choose Isolde Crowe as my luna. Her clans bring the men, land, and support to help us stand together.”

The words hit me like a fist to the stomach. The bond snapped-sharp, agony ripping through me. I gasped, I placed my hand against my sternum, as if I could hold the pieces together. The crowd roared, but they sounded far away, echoing off of hollow halls. Serena whooped beside me. Isolde stepped forward, smiling like she'd won a crown, and Ronan took her hand, raising it high.

Isolde had stepped forward, beaming like she and the luna gowned her, and Ronan had them raise her hand high and proud.

I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. The pain was physical, like something inside me had been ripped out. I stumbled back a step, my vision blurring.

Serena noticed. "You okay? You look like you're about to faint.”

"I'm fine," I managed. "Just... Hot."

She rolled her eyes and faced the crowd again.

I pushed past the crowd, making for the far side of the hall, away from the flickering lights, and away from the ringing applause. I ignored the flickering agonizing pinch in my chest, letting it dull to a dull ache. 

Outside, I leaned against the stone wall, trying to slow my breathing. Ronan had made the choice. Three years of duty and now the bond itself meant nothing to him. Not me, not what happened last night. How he held my hands last night had proved to him that he wanted far more than duty. Far more than that girl standing next to him.

Two steps behind me. I felt someone at my back, it was Ronan. He had slipped away from the celebration. His face was dead white, shadowed and gray. "Liora," he managed.

I turned my back on him. "Congratulations."

"Liora…"

"Don't. You had your choice last night. You don't need to gloat. You said you could feel the bond, and now you've chosen her all over again."

His jaw clenched, tight as a hammered nail. "The pack…"

" The pack," I said hollowly. "Naturally. Just as I would have…” I shut my mouth. He thought he was doing the right thing. As I had not long ago. Only I was wrong, again. I harshly wiped something tears were pricking forth and looked away.

He seized my arm. "Let me explain."

I turned and ripped my arm from his grip. 

"Explain what? That duty is more important than the bond? Or me? Than this? I pressed my hand against my chest, where pain was boiling up from inside.

He looked like I stepped on him. "I really thought… That it was the right thing."

"It wasn't," I choked. And another drop of tears came. The only explanation was guilt. That's right. It all fits. I didn't want to cry. Tears gathered in the corners of my eyes, but I wasn't going to have him see me do this, not with the way Serena already bet on me meaning nothing to him from start, that I was just a pity case. 

I turned around and walked away. The cheers still ringing in my ears. I slipped from the hall into the night, walking away...

I refused to look back. I didn't go home. I couldn't face Mom's polite concern or Serena's smug grin. Instead I headed to the river, to the old oak in the dark, quiet night. I sat under it, knees to my chest, and let the tears come out freely but quietly. The bond pulsed, weaker now, like a dying heartbeat.

Inside me, something shifted not just the pain, but nausea. I clutched my stomach, vomiting uncontrollably. When it was over, I wiped my mouth and sat up. 

When I touched my stomach, a small feeling of certainty settled in, I was pregnant, with his child. The moon passed judgment from above, cold and unconcerned.

I stayed there until the first light of dawn touched the trees. Then I stood, wiped my face, and made my decision.

I wasn't staying, I wasn't staying for this pack that wanted me dead. I wasn't staying for a man who chose duty over love. I wasn't staying for a future that would raise his child in the shadows of his new luna. 

So I did the only thing I had thought about long about, I was going to run. I'll quietly slip away from it all. 

I went back to the cabin quietly. Everyone was still asleep, drunk on celebration. I packed a small bag where I put in some clothes, knife, the few coins I'd saved from odd jobs. I also took the old blanket Ronan had given me when we were kids, the one he'd draped over me after a cold run. It smelled faintly of pine and him.

I stopped at Serena's door before I left. She slept on, face soft in slumber, unaware that I was leaving forever. For a moment I thought about waking her, saying goodbye, apologizing, wishing I could stay, but I didn't. Instead I just closed her door gently and left.

I got out the back, through the trees, towards the border, where the wild things roamed. I ignored the pull of the bond, whispering sore, here I am. I walked away, leaving everything behind.

Then I kept walking with no where in mind, but one thing was sure I wasn't staying here.