Chapter 45

Rosemary

The night of the full moon arrived, and I brewed the tea Amber had given me in a thermos, the bitter herbs swirling together like an ink-stained solution to all the chaos swirling inside me. As I stepped out into the cool night, I felt the familiar pull of my wolf, that instinctive desire to shift under the full moon, to let go and run wild through the forest. The urge was powerful, stronger than ever before, but I couldn’t give in tonight. Not until this was done.

The moon hung high in the sky, bathing the woods in silver light, casting shadows that danced as I made my way to the creek I had found on my first shift. It was fitting, I thought, to return to the place where I had first felt the raw power of my wolf - where I had first realized what I truly was. But tonight wasn’t about connecting with my wolf. It was about taking back control.

I arrived at the creek, the air cool and crisp against my skin. I sat beneath the familiar tree, the same tree that had given me comfort before, and pulled the thermos from my bag. The moonlight reflected off the surface of the water, its glow almost taunting me, urging me to shift, to give in to what I was born to be. But I couldn’t - not yet.

I placed a hand on my belly, feeling the slight hard line beneath my fingers, the evidence of the life growing inside me. My mind flashed back to my conversation with Bella, who had gently explained how my body’s natural healing abilities and the strength of the baby might make a typical abortion ineffective. This, Amber’s solution, was my only option. I couldn’t afford to second-guess myself. Not now.

Taking a deep breath, I lifted the thermos to my lips and took a large, bitter swig. The liquid was thick, like sludge, and the taste was worse than I imagined - sharp, sour, and unnatural. I drank it as quickly as I could, forcing it down despite my wolf scratching at the surface of my consciousness, desperate to stop me. But I didn’t let her. I couldn’t let her.

I finished the last drop and collapsed back against the tree, my eyes locked on the sky. The moon was brilliant above me, indifferent to the turmoil raging inside me. Time seemed to stretch, minutes blending into hours as I lay there waiting, the world around me silent and still. For a while, nothing happened.

Then the pain hit. It started as a deep, gut-wrenching cramp, like my insides were being twisted and squeezed. Sweat beaded on my forehead, my skin was clammy and cold. I began to shake, trembling uncontrollably as the pain intensified, radiating from my core. Furious and frightened, my wolf howled within me, but I kept her locked away. I had to endure this. I had no other choice.

Before long, I was on my hands and knees, vomiting violently into the dirt. Each heave felt like it was ripping me apart, and I could feel my body rebelling against what I had done. My head spun, the world around me blurring as I gasped for air between bouts of nausea. I was drowning in my agony, small and pathetic against the enormity of the night.

Hours passed - or maybe it was minutes, I couldn’t tell anymore. The only thing I knew was pain. It was endless, like a fire burning inside me, consuming everything in its path.

But eventually, the pain began to ebb. It didn’t vanish but became bearable, like a distant echo rather than an overwhelming roar. I blinked up at the sky, the first rays of sunlight creeping over the horizon. It was morning. I had survived the night.

When I finally dared to move, I felt weak, like a shell of myself. I glanced down at the ground beneath me and saw the pool of blood surrounding where I had been lying. The sight made my stomach churn, but I was too numb to react. Slowly, I stripped off my soiled clothes and waded into the creek, letting the icy water wash away the blood and filth that clung to my skin. The coldness jolted me back to reality, grounding me in the present moment.

I emerged from the water, feeling cleaner but still hollow. By the time I returned to the pack house, the sun was fully up, and the morning sounds were beginning to stir. People were starting their day, unaware of the battle I had just fought and won.

I entered my room quietly, leaving the weight of my fears behind me.

***

Unknown

The last part of the plan was in motion. I could feel it in my veins.