Chapter 3

MAYA

The morning sun was too bright. It felt like a cruel joke. It felt like the world was trying to be happy while I was drowning in a sea of gray. I could not stay in that house anymore. 

The smell of Liam’s coffee was still in the kitchen but he was already at his restaurant. He was busy feeding strangers while I was starving for a single kind word from him.

I called Lovely. She was the only friend who still picked up my calls. Most of our old group had drifted away after the news broke. They did not want to be near the mess. But Lovely stayed. She did not agree with what I did but she did not want me to die alone in my guilt.

"Are you sure about this, Maya?" Lovely asked as she helped me into the passenger seat of her car. She folded my walker and put it in the back. Her voice was full of worry.

"I have to see her," I said. "I have to talk to her. Liam is with her every night. He is slipping away from me. If I can just get her to understand. If I can just ask her to let him go."

"Maya, she lost her husband," Lovely said softly as she started the engine. "She is grieving. And you... you were the one with him."

"I know," I whispered. "I know how it sounds. I am a monster. But I love him, Lovely. He is all I have left."

We drove in silence. The town looked the same but everything felt different to me. Every street corner reminded me of a life I used to have. 

When we pulled up to Sarah’s house, my heart started to beat against my ribs like a trapped bird. It was a small, white house with blue shutters. There were flowers in the garden but they were starting to wilt.

"I will wait here," Lovely said. "If you need me, just text me."

I nodded. I grabbed my walker and slowly made my way to the front door. Every step was a struggle. My legs felt like they were made of lead. I reached the porch and stood there for a long time. My hand shook as I reached out to knock.

The door opened slowly.

I expected to see a woman full of rage. I expected her to scream at me or slam the door in my face. But when Sarah appeared, she looked like an angel that had been broken. She was wearing a soft cream sweater that looked too big for her. Her hair was pulled back in a loose bun and her face was pale. Her eyes were not angry. They were just sad. They were the saddest eyes I had ever seen.

"Maya," she said. Her voice was like silk. It was calm and steady.

"Sarah," I choked out. "Can I... can I talk to you for a moment?"

She looked at my walker and then back at my face. There was no judgment in her gaze. "Come in. You shouldn't be standing out here. It is hard for you to walk."

She stepped aside and let me in. The house smelled like lavender and old books. It was clean but it felt empty. There were no photos of Mark on the walls anymore. Just empty spaces where frames used to hang.

She led me to the living room and helped me sit down on a soft velvet chair. She even brought a small stool for my feet. She was being so kind to me. It felt like she was pouring hot coals on my head. I wanted her to hate me. It would have been easier if she hated me.

"Would you like some water?" she asked. "Or tea? Liam brought some herbal tea over yesterday. It is very good."

Hearing his name come out of her mouth made my stomach twist. "No, thank you," I said.

Sarah sat on the sofa across from me. She folded her hands in her lap. She looked so fragile, like she might blow away if the wind blew too hard. She didn't have kids to distract her. She didn't have a husband to hold her. She just had this big, quiet house and the memory of a betrayal.

"I am sorry for coming here," I started. My voice was trembling. "I know I am the last person you want to see."

"I don't hate you, Maya," Sarah said. She looked me directly in the eyes. "I am just tired. My heart is too tired to hold onto hate."

"I came here to ask you something," I said. I looked down at my hands. "Liam... he spends a lot of time here. He cares about you so much. And I know it is my fault. I know I drove him away. But he is my husband, Sarah. He is my whole world."

I looked up at her, tears streaming down my face. "Please. Please don't take him from me. I have lost my health. I have lost my reputation. I have lost my peace. If I lose him, I have nothing left. Please give him back to me."

Sarah did not get angry. She did not raise her voice. She just looked at me with a soft, pitying expression.

"Maya," she said gently. "I am not holding him captive. Liam comes here because he wants to. He comes here because we both share a hole in our lives that you and Mark created."

"But he loves you," I sobbed. "I can see it in the way he looks at his phone. I can see it in the way he treats me like a stranger. You are so good. You are an angel. No wonder he prefers you over a liar like me."

Sarah stood up and walked over to me. She sat on the edge of the stool near my feet and took my shaking hands in hers. Her skin was warm and soft. "I am not an angel, Maya. I am just a woman who lost her best friend. Mark was my life. We were going to grow old in this house. We were going to travel. We didn't have children yet because we thought we had all the time in the world."

She squeezed my hands. "When he died, I thought my life ended too. And then I found out about the two of you. It was like he died twice. The first time was the crash. The second time was the truth."

I couldn't look at her. I felt like I was suffocating under the weight of her kindness. "I am so sorry. I would give anything to change it."

"I know you would," Sarah said. "But Liam isn't a prize to be traded back and forth. He is a man with a broken heart. He comes here because I don't ask him to be anyone else. I don't remind him of the person he used to be before his life turned into a lie."

"He said he fell in love with a lie," I whispered.

"He is hurting, Maya," Sarah said. She reached up and wiped a tear from my cheek. Her touch was so gentle it hurt. "And you are hurting too. But you cannot beg someone to love you. Love isn't something you can demand back because you are lonely."

"I just want my family back," I said.

"Family is built on trust," Sarah said softly. "Once that is gone, the house falls down. You are trying to live in a house that has already collapsed."

I looked around the room. I saw a small book on the side table. It was a book of poems. I realized it was the same book Liam used to read to me when we were dating. He must have brought it for her. The realization hit me like a physical blow to the chest. He was sharing our memories with her. He was giving her the parts of him that used to belong only to me.

"He loves the way you are honest," I said, my voice cracking. "He told me that."

"I have no reason to lie," Sarah said. "The worst thing that could happen has already happened. I have nothing left to hide."

I looked at this woman. She was so beautiful in her sadness. She had every right to slap me, to curse my name, to tell me to crawl away and never come back. Instead, she was holding my hands and treating me like a human being. It made my sin feel ten times bigger. How could I have done this to her? How could I have looked at Mark and not thought about the beautiful, kind soul waiting for him at home?

"I am a terrible person," I said, my head hanging low.

"You made a terrible choice," Sarah corrected me. "But you are still a person. You are still suffering."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked. "I ruined your life."

Sarah smiled a small, sad smile. "Because hurting you won't bring Mark back. And it won't make Liam love me more or love you less. It would just add more darkness to a world that is already too dark."

She let go of my hands and stood up. "Liam will be at the restaurant until late tonight. You should go home and rest, Maya. You look very pale."

I felt so small as I grabbed the handles of my walker. I had come here to fight for my husband. I had come here to beg for my life back. But as I looked at Sarah standing there in the light of the window, I realized I had already lost. Not because Sarah stole him, but because I had thrown him away a long time ago.

"Thank you, Sarah," I whispered.

"Take care of yourself," she said.

I turned and walked toward the door. Each click of the walker sounded like a heartbeat. I felt the weight of her gaze on my back. It wasn't a gaze of hate. It was a gaze of deep, quiet understanding.

When I got back to the car, Lovely looked at me with wide eyes. "How did it go? Did she scream at you?"

I shook my head and leaned it against the window. "No. She was kind. She was so kind that I think I might die from the shame of it."

"What did she say about Liam?"

"She said he goes there because he wants to," I said. I closed my eyes and let the tears fall. "And I finally understand why. Who wouldn't want to be near an angel when their own life is a hell they created themselves?"

Lovely started the car and drove away. I looked back at the small white house one last time. I saw Sarah close the curtains. She was back in her quiet world, and I was going back to a house full of ghosts.

I realized then that I couldn't beg for Liam’s love. I couldn't force him to see the old Maya. That woman was gone, buried in the same ground as Mark. All that was left was this broken version of me, and the long, cold road of trying to find a way to live with what I had done.