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CHAPTER 50: I Am Not Good Enough
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The Secret Island CHAPTER 51: My Heart Desires
To Celine, two paths emerged… The two paths were diverged by reasons and emotions. She was overwhelmed by anger and hurt, and all she wanted was to walk away, but that 23-year-old girl, the girl she once was, stopped her two legs from moving. That girl, that besotted young girl—the past her that was deeply in love with Martin—the girl that overlooked reason and dignity—that girl demanded that she stayed. And once Celine weighed her options, she chose to stay and listen to what Martin had to say. They still held each other in silence. Celine waited for Martin to continue saying something, anything. Just now…did he tell her he loved her? Eventually, the man spoke. He spoke out his heart. “Don’t say…that I’ve never loved you. Of course, I do. I’ve loved you since we were together. I love you, knowing I should not love you. Since then, my heart beat faster whenever I hear you talk about your feelings. And although we were not
The Secret Island CHAPTER 52: The Therapist Part 3
“Doc, what did she mean? What do you think she wants me to do?”Today, Martin had an appointment with his therapist. He still saw her weekly. The issues he discussed were usually his fear and worries during the week. The bad memories reemerged once in a while, some weeks more frequent than others, and each set of sessions focused on any issue he wanted to work on. And the topic of discussion today was the matter of the heart.His therapist, Gisele, kept her cool once she knew she had to advise on his love problems. Her expertise was in treating trauma victims, and he had never thought of bringing this personal issue to her, but he didn’t have that many options. In the past few years, he talked to her about all sorts of problems—his nightmares, his panic attacks, issues with his parents, his fears, and now his love life. The reason he could recover and walk around town and go about his day-to-day business was because of her. She had been his rock.The bottom line was that he trusted he
The Secret Island CHAPTER 53: On the Plane
Martin was sitting on the plane that was about to depart from JFK airport. The destination was Heathrow airport. He hadn’t been to London for a while, and this trip was exciting for him. In truth, much of the source of excitement was from his travel companion—sitting beside him was Celine. First, she insisted on flying first class, but he casually mentioned that we could sit closer together if it was business class. And here they were, sitting side by side on the same row. Celine didn’t seem so pleased having him around. Her grimace was evidence, and she kept avoiding his gaze. Her feelings were always obvious—when she was angry, he knew. What was important to him was to get back in her good graces. She announced her intention clear that he had to prove himself. He understood the concept of regaining trust but acting on it takes time. The discussion with his therapist gave him some reflections on the next steps. He would follow her to London. He ask
The Secret Island CHAPTER 54: It’s Complicated
Martin opened the curtain to admire the view of the London skyline. He booked a five stars hotel in the middle of the city. He planned to stay here until he had more idea of the direction of his life. It could be weeks or months. He sighed at his predicament.The sun slowly rose. It was almost autumn, and he couldn’t imagine the UK to be this sunny. A gentle ray of light shone on buildings in the city that were strangers to him. He stared into the distance and reminisced. Everything that happened pained his heart to even think about, but worse yet—he became a person that lived without purpose.This was the first time in his life he had lived without a plan. The complicated past had ended, but his thoughts circled back to his mistakes, always. He started to find it boring; he found his fear boring, his nightmares boring, and he wanted to do everything to get out of it.He did discuss this with his therapist in detail, and nothing came out of it. He came to an understanding that it was
The Secret Island CHAPTER 55: Celine’s Office
Kathy was finding an answer to the difficult situation she had to face. It should be business as usual after her boss was back in the office. She had to guess the mood Celine was in. Kathy had been working with her for the past three years as a personal assistant, and it was her role to be aware of office politics or gossip.The biggest gossip for this whole day was the talk of a certain handsome man at the reception. He sat at the reception for the morning and waited. He talked to her boss when she walked past, although she seemed to ignore him. When Kathy asked whether she should call security to escort the man out, Celine promptly rejected. She gave her no further instruction nor explanation.“If he wanted to wait, just let him. Tell Martin he can stay as long as he wants, but don’t expect me to be accommodating. I have work to do.”And that was what Kathy did. Nothing. Although she suspected that man was the same man she saw in the picture frame. The same picture on Celine’s work
The Secret Island CHAPTER 56: Lunch
“I’ve told you everything, Vera. Now, it’s your turn. What should I do?” Two palms covered her face. Celine nervously asked her best friend. The claim of an urgent meeting outside of the office was a lie. Celine intended to spend a few hours in the afternoon resolving the issues that weighed down her heart by discussing them with Vera. But to say that it was an urgent matter was not a lie. Martin was just sitting there, at the reception, being his usual calm and relaxed persona, reading. That was all he did, reading. But that was enough. He let her personal assistant, staff, and suppliers mistake him for her boyfriend. He was her ex! People should just understand that he was only her ex-boyfriend. She hadn’t forgiven him. We hadn’t gotten back together. He wasn’t her boyfriend. Please, stop calling him her boyfriend! “Well, it seems you can now leave your convent. After living like a nun for a long, finally, your hubby has returned
The Secret Island CHAPTER 57: Don’t Ignore Me
Martin didn’t want to eat…Celine was puzzled by how much the information upset her to the point of rushing back to see him right after Kathy texted her. He refused her offer to order food.He was stubborn and passive-aggressive. She didn’t know if this was his form of protest, but it worked; she was unable to sit still.The waiting staff at the restaurant she frequented greeted her as soon as she walked in. Celine almost reached her designated table when she turned around and realized that Martin didn’t follow her. He was still in front of a refrigerated display countertop, looking at cakes and other desserts. If she guessed correctly, he was looking at a vanilla cake.Sometimes he had this kiddish part of him that she thought was adorable, but it rarely came to the surface.Once the food she ordered arrived and we started eating, Martin asked her questioningly.“Is something wrong? You don’t seem to eat much.”“Nothing. I’m just on a diet.” She gave him a random reason. If he suspec
The Secret Island CHAPTER 58: Behind His Silence
This was another day that Martin just sat there outside her office. He didn’t talk to anyone. He simply read his book. Celine didn’t know if or how long she could endure this situation. The situation had no ending in sight. She didn’t understand Martin. He only had to explain what happened. The explanation was more than self-blame. But that man…she didn’t know how he truly felt. Celine was quite concerned. She observed that he wasn’t well. He looked quite frail this morning. Probably from not enough rest or jetlag. Why didn’t he take care of himself? She got mad just thinking about it. “Kathy…for two hours I have to be away for my meeting outside of the office, well, can you please tell Martin for me that…hmm, I will come back to have lunch with him in the afternoon.” Kathy probably got confused about why she didn’t speak directly to Martin. She just didn’t want to appear too soft. Yesterday, there were already a lot of emotional d
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