"I can't wait!"
I stood in the dim light of our dining room, arranging the silverware nervously with my fingers for the fourth time. With soft music playing, flickering candles and the aroma of roasted chicken filling the air the table was perfectly set.
This dinner took hours to prepare. In an effort to remind Liam of our past together, I tried to make everything right. After all, it was our anniversary . Despite being together for four years, it seemed like we were very far apart.
I took a look at the wall clock. 7. 42 p. m. By now Liam ought to be at home. He had said he would arrive early tonight. No more excuses. I couldn't deny the nagging feeling that he wasn't returning in the manner that I wanted.
My heart skipped a beat as I straightened up and the door finally opened. I called softly my voice full of hope "Liam?"
He entered without looking up, dropping his briefcase on the floor. His suit was a little rumpled and he barely acknowledged me as he passed by without taking off his shoes.
Despite my heart pounding I tried to speak calmly as I said "Hey. I have prepared supper. It was thoughtful that we could celebrate."
Liam continued. With his eyes fixed on his phone he ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry for being late... work-related matters."
For a moment, I stood motionless, the excitement I had been clinging to all day dissolving in my fingers like sand.
"It's our anniversary, Liam."
He muttered without raising his gaze "I know. I apologize...It's been a nightmare of a meeting. Right now, I don't have time for dinner."
As he shuffled toward the kitchen a thick silence fell between us. The warm glow of the candles and the clink of the silverware made everything seem so. No longer important.
My efforts this evening seemed inconsequential. I blinked away the tears in my eyes."Is our job truly more important than our marriage?"
Liam took a while to respond. His jaw was tense as I could see. He finally let out a sigh and put his phone down.
"Can't we do this tonight, Ava? I have a ton of other things to do."
I saw him sit at the kitchen counter and furiously rub his forehead. The burden of all the years we had spent together weighed heavily on me as I swallowed.
The falsehoods we had told ourselves and the commitments we made. I had to get his attention. I wanted him to understand.
"I'm pregnant, Liam." There. I had said it.
He looked up from the counter and for a second I thought I saw something maybe a surprise but then it vanished into that all too familiar distance.
"Pregnant?" His voice sounded flat as if he were reading a report rather than hearing a life-altering announcement. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure." I suppressed the anger that surged through me. "I hoped that this would help us get closer. I thought—"
Liam cut in his voice now abrasive "You thought this would fix things?" When he eventually got up he turned away from me and picked up his phone once more browsing through emails. "I am not prepared to have a baby, Ava. It's not even like we have our act together."
His words cut like a blade through me. It was as if I had been struck in the face. Instead of the joy, embrace or even a kiss that I had anticipated I received that instead... like this?
This emotional gap had been a part of my life for months.No,Years
"Not ready?" I asked in a tremulous disbelieving whisper. "You've been saying that to me for years, concerning the house, the finances and everything else. For several months now you have been too busy. I've had enough of it. I'm over battling for your love and attention. Liam you don't even give a damn anymore."
With his back to me he tensed at what I said and I could tell he wouldn't turn around. "Not just yet. Ava I care. But this...This is not the appropriate moment. We need to work things out.For me, the meeting I just left was very important."
My chest grew heavier and my heart tightened. I had not anticipated this. I assumed that we would work as a team. I had the hope that this pregnancy would make him realize how much we could develop together. However it became increasingly evident that I was fighting this battle by myself as he continued to speak.
Liam went on his voice a little higher "I don't know why you're surprised. Ava, this is nothing new is it? It's the same old thing. You and your goals. At this moment I don't have time for this."
Exasperated, I took a step toward him. " Really? Liam I've been waiting a long time for you to see me in person. You're too busy to give me a glance though. I'm too busy to bother you. For us... for our baby."
For a moment I thought he might finally say something to make things better but then his shoulders tensed. However he did not.
He did not look at me, he simply shook his head." I am unable to do this at this time."
I grabbed his arm and pulled him to look at me. "You cannot continue to push me away. I'm not something you can put off. Liam, I am your wife. I want your concern!"
For a brief moment his eyes clouded over and he sighed once more, his expression softening. "I'm sorry, Ava. I truly am. But I need to go. This is exhausting—"
I stepped back, letting go of his arm as the tears threatened. " Go. Attend your meeting. In any case it's undoubtedly more important than me."
After a brief pause Liam picked up his coat from the chairs back and made his way to the door." We'll discuss this later."
"Yeah" I muttered to myself as my heart broke again. We'll discuss it further."
However I was aware that we wouldn't. We never did. And my mind went haywire as I stood there without eating my anniversary meal. I was hit hard by reality.
I was at a loss as to how to stop my husband from drifting further and further away. I tried fixing it several times but it wasn't enough because we were breaking.
Liam had decided.
His career, his work and his meetings came first. And me? I was merely another element in his universe that he could disregard. And for the first time I genuinely questioned whether our marriage could withstand this separation.
Touching my stomach I felt the tiny life there. "Hold on tight" I said. "Mummy will pull through."
Whether to face whatever—or whoever—was on the other side of the door or remain concealed under the warmth of the blankets I sat there for a moment.The silence had been broken by the knock leaving me feeling quietly but uneasily uneasy. Unconscious I moved my legs to the side of the bed got slowly to my feet and rubbed my eyes. I was unable to put the pieces of that disjointed memory back together and it was making my head feel hazy.Although I was clueless about who would be knocking at this hour I felt compelled to know. Today was not the day I was prepared for another shock. I was startled out of my reverie by the sharper knock that came again. I took a deep breath straightened my shirt and whispered to myself “Okay. Stop hiding anymore.” I made my way to the door my heart pounding a bit more with each step. My fingers were shaking a little as my hand hovered over the doorknob. Although I wasnt sure what to anticipate Alexander was the last person I expected to see when I turned
Slowly I opened my eyes and blinked at the gentle light coming in through the drapes. I felt cozy and protected by the blankets and for a while I didnt want to move. It was one of those mornings when you wake up unsure of how you got there but the comforting surroundings reassure you that youre safe.The bed was tucked neatly around me and the gentle smell of clean sheets filled my nostrils as I moved a little. Something fluttering in my chest was the sensation of being tucked in like this cared for.The bedside table caught my attention just as I was ready to return to the comfort of the bed. Scrambled eggs toast and a hot cup of coffee made up the breakfast that was arranged on a little tray and smelled inviting and fresh.I was reminded by my growling stomach that I hadnt eaten since the previous evening. A little note that was lying next to the tray however drew my attention more than the food.“Good morning, Ava. I hope you had a good nights sleep. If you need anything I'll be he
As I spoke Alexander's eyes grew softer and his expression changed from one of worry to one of interest. He remained still for a while allowing me the space I required while he waited for me to come up with the appropriate response.The room seemed strangely still and the air was heavy with the murmur of unknowables and uncertainty.“What is it Ava?” he asked softly in a patient low voice as though he already knew I needed to say something but wasnt sure what it was. I paused not sure if I should express what was on my mind. However the urge to be open and honest with him outweighed the anxiety of doing so. I inhaled deeply beforeI finally said something.I muttered my voice exposed in the rooms quiet “I need your company.At this moment I dont want to be by myself.”His face softened and he sat down next to me again without saying anything. I couldnt help but feel a little lighter as he took my hand in his and his presence was like a balm to my aching soul. For the first time in what
With my legs tucked under me I sat on the floor trying to control my breathing as the room seemed to enclose me. I was dazed by the intense surge of emotions from the past and my mind was racing. Everything had vanished including the kitchen the subtle hum of the refrigerator and the slight smell of cooking.The womans terrified face the shadowy figure pursuing her and the deafening silence that had followed my abrupt burst of memories were all I could hear. Before I could even comprehend the amount of time that had passed I sensed Alexanders presence at my side.As his shadow hung over me I blinked up at him my chest constricted by the worry in his eyes. His eyes never left mine as he knelt before me.“Ava” he uttered quietly his voice warm but tinged with a distinct concern. “Why are you in here at this hour?” In an attempt to get rid of the lingering memory that had taken hold of me I swallowed hard. “I. I was hungry” I muttered my voice faltering as I forced a grudging smile. “I
The scene before me changed and I blinked my heart thumping in my chest. I felt like I had been jerked into a different world and everything seemed to vanish including the kitchen and the cozy warm smell of food. I had lived in this world before but it now seemed like a dim faraway memory.I was standing in another mansion which was grand in its own right but didnt resemble the one I was in at the moment. Late at night the house was quiet but not in the serene sense that I associate with my present residence.This particular silence served as a reminder of the things that were unspoken and unaddressed making everything seem chilly and hollow. I was sitting on the edge of a big king-sized bed in a bedroom. The only light in the room was the faint moonlight coming in through the open window.Like an unresolved storm I could still feel the weight of the argument hanging in the air. As the memory flooded back I could feel my pulse pounding and my breath becoming labored. Liam. I once beli
It was almost too heavy of a silence as if the mansion were holding its breath waiting for something to happen. My mind was still racing with images of Fiona and that file and I had been tossing and turning in bed for a while as the days burden weighed heavily on me.But despite my best efforts I was unable to block out everything. I could feel the tension in the house and the silence didnt make it any better. So I made up my mind to get up. In order to temporarily distract myself from my thoughts I needed to move do something anything.As I walked down the stairs I noticed that the hallway was dark with the gentle glow of the nightlight creating lengthy shadows on the walls. By day the house was imposing and magnificent but at night it felt different. The void made everything appear bigger and farther away as though the walls were closing in.Since I didnt think anyone else would be awake at this hour I walked carefully so as not to wake anyone. Alexander was most likely still in his
The steam continued to cling to the air as I exited the shower seemingly attempting to smother the weight of my thoughts. I had hurriedly dressed as I made my way to the closet my pants still wet from the water clung to my legs. When I wanted to feel I reached for a sleeve of a shirt I always wore. Typical.The cool cloth brushed against my skin but it didnt make the pain inside me go away. It couldnt. I went to the shelf where I kept the items I wanted to remember. However I didnt find the pricey mementos cufflinks or luxury watches particularly appealing tonight. It was Fionas framed photo. The one I concealed behind all the unimportant things in my life tucked away at the back. I reached for it feeling as though it were a delicate object that I might break if I wasnt careful my fingers grazing the cool frame. The photo was old and had some yellowing around the edges.The love in her eyes caught in that moment remained burning brightly even though the colors had faded over time. I
Nothing helped even though the steam swirled around me and the hot shower water hit my skin like a thousand needles. Then it didnt. As I stood there I let it pour over me in an attempt to get rid of the thoughts that were sticking to me like a second skin.However nothing was effective. The fear could not be erased. I feared drowning under the weight of the image of Fionas lifeless body which I couldnt get out of my head. I clung to the hope that she would awaken every day. that I wouldnt have to spend the rest of my life in the shadow of this emptiness and that she would return to me.But every day seemed to be a sentence. An excruciatingly slow waiting game. What if she doesnt awaken? The question kept coming back to me like a ghost gnawing at me while remaining just out of reach. I squeezed the soap bar until the plastic creaked but it didnt help.The fact that the person I had centered my life around and loved for years lay in that hospital bed unable to move or speak was still th
I stared at the file in my lap while sitting there with trembling hands. I was unable to take my eyes off the pages even though the words seemed to blend together. The weight of everything I had discovered was pressing down on me like a suffocating fog and my mind was racing.Everything I believed to be true about the relationship between Alexander and Fiona was completely upended by this revelation. He was never loved by Fiona. Never. The thought alone was enough to chill me to the bone. I had always thought that there was a strong unbreakable bond between them—something genuine—that underpinned their marriage.Alexanders gaze on Fiona in the hospital was something I had witnessed. When he said her name his eyes softened. He had been waiting for her to return to him and for her to wake up. I sensed the devotion in every word he spoke and the hope in every action.Fiona though had never felt the same. After her fathers passing she had seen her marriage to him as a business deal a way