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Memories

Famke entered her apartment to find her brother sitting at the kitchen table doing his homework. “Still up?”

“Yes.” He rubbed his head frustratedly. “I can’t figure this out and it’s frustrating me. My brain sees the numbers, but it doesn’t compute them.”

“I’m sorry. What can I do to help?”

“Brain transplant?” he asked dryly. “I’ll trade you.”

She chuckled at his words, “you don’t want my brain. It’s too volatile. I quit my job today.”

He looked to her in surprise, dropping his pencil to the table. “No way. Jack finally pushed you too far?”

“He gave half my hours to the kid.”

“No.”

“Said he felt I should have more free time to date.”

“You know he wants to date you. He wanted to free up your time so he could put his yellowed fingers all over your skin,” he wriggled his fingers at her.

She gagged at his words. “That’s gross.” She gave a shiver, “you could tell today when he stopped by to drop off the schedules he hadn’t showered in days. He had those big sweat rings around his armpits.”

It was Bram’s turn to gag as he thought of the rotund man. “I think my brain is truly broken because I think I can smell him.”

She laughed and ruffled his hair.

“What are you going to do for work?”

“Strangely, a man was waiting at the counter to pay when I was walking out. Jack didn’t know how to take his payment and he heard our entire argument. He knows the owner of Black Magic.”

“The fancy coffee shop down the road?”

“Yes. He said if I took his payment so he could leave, he’d get me a job at the shop. He drove me right there and I interviewed on the spot.”

“You got into a car with a stranger?”

“A filthy rich stranger. He had a sports car with an all-leather interior. His car was worth more than I will ever make in my entire life, I’m sure of it. I was so desperate to get away from Jack and to thumb my nose at him, I hopped into this guy’s car like it was nobody’s business.”

“That was stupid, Famke.” He scowled at her. “He could have been a serial killer.”

“Yeah, but I got the job and if I pass probation, I’ll get benefits.”

He grunted and shook his head. “You do crazy shit.”

“Well, we need to eat so I need the job. It worked out perfect for me.”

“I guess.” He picked his pencil back up from the table, “care to help?”

“Sure,” she poured herself a glass of water and sat with him at the table. They worked through his math problems, and she explained the work in a way he was able to comprehend.

“I can tell something is on your mind,” he said as he closed his books thirty minutes later.

“Not really, no.” At his raised eyebrow, she shrugged. “The guy who got me the new job, reminded me of someone and it’s making me think of the past.”

“Who?”

“He said he had a five-year-old at home.”

Realization hit his features and he gripped her hands on the table, “I’m sorry, Famke.”

“Don’t be. I had the opportunity to help two families and I have zero regrets. I know she is loved and adored and given so much more than I ever could have given her. Carrying their child for them allowed me to take care of you. They got her. I got you.”

“Not much of a bargain,” he made wide eyes and pointed to his head.

She laughed and gripped his chin, “I love you and it gave me such pleasure to know I was helping you both. I have no regrets. Occasionally though, I wonder about her and them and hope they are all healthy and happy. They were good people. I am grateful for them every day of my life.”

“Do you think you would ever do it for yourself?”

“What? Have a kid? Hell no. Can you see me with a baby?”

“Yes.” He didn’t back down. “Famke, you have a heart of gold, and you deserve to have a family of your own, not just taking care of your kid brother. I’m going to community college in the fall, and I’ll get my refrigeration tech certification. Maybe then it will be my turn to take care of us. You can stop working two jobs and maybe date.” He grinned wickedly, “maybe Jack will still be a single rich old dude when I graduate.”

“You’re disgusting.” She pushed away from the table. “I would rather live a life of celibacy.”

“You already do.”

“I date.”

He snorted, “going to the movies with the guy down in the 3B doesn’t qualify as a date. He’s eighty.”

“He pays my way.”

“Do you put out?”

“No! Ew.” She slapped at him.

“If it’s not in the realm of possibility then it’s not a date.”

“Go to bed.” She made a face and washed her glass and put it away. “I have a shift in the morning at six. I’ll be gone when you get up. Don’t oversleep in the morning.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” He stood from the table yawning and stretching. He kissed her cheek, “I love you, big sis. Don’t ever change your heart. I’m grateful for the sacrifices you’ve made for me but perhaps it’s time you start making some for you. Maybe this new job will be good for you.”

“Well, working with coffee and Cesar will be fun.”

“Cesar. Why does the name sound familiar?”

“I went to high school with him, and we worked together. He had me laughing a couple of times today so hard I could barely breathe. The new boss Keshaun is nice too. He said his wife was out of town, but she’d be back tomorrow, and I’d get to meet her.”

“Is this Cesar guy single?”

“Gay,” she dashed his hopes.

“Well maybe a guy who can actually afford the kind of coffee this place sells will come in and sweep you off your feet.”

“I’m not holding my breath,” she laughed. “Guys who can afford an eight-dollar small coffee don’t date baristas. They date models. This couple came in today and I know he was a football player, and his girlfriend or wife was the size of his leg. She was this tiny dainty thing.”

“What? You have the judgemental look on your face.”

“It’s November in Pittsburgh. She was wearing a micro mini skirt with bare legs. There isn’t a man alive for whom I would consider dressing like she did and risking frostbite on my nether regions. The skirt was so tight you know she couldn’t wear undies.”

“Chapped lips,” Bram said earning himself a gasp from his sister.

She whacked his arm and pointed to the room. “You know, occasionally, I see Dad in you. Not all of it is good. He was the most socially awkward person with no filter.”

Bram grinned, “remember when he started the conversation with the drag queen and asked them to come sit and explain their lifestyle to us? He wanted us to know there was nothing to fear. I think I was seven?”

“The poor queen was terrified getting dragged across a mall parking lot. Probably thought they were being kidnapped.”

“Yes, and then Dad brought them home to Mom for dinner.”

“They came to the funeral. Do you remember?”

“I don’t remember much of the funeral. I was eight and out of it.”

“Brought all their friends. There was an entire gay army at the funeral.” She smiled at the memory. “Mom and Dad were good people. Weird. But good. They made friends with everyone.”

“Like you.”

“Except Jack and the punk kid Robbie.”

“You’re very melancholy tonight.”

“Look at you with big words,” she pushed him towards his bedroom. “Good night.”

By the time she crawled into her own bed, she could hear Bram snoring in his. He was working hard to try to graduate. He had failed grade eight following his brain surgery and had to repeat it, but he’d worked hard. His grades were good, and he had a career plan. He had stopped by once when she had been working at the gas station and the man repairing a cooler had told him if he wanted a sure thing job which paid good money, become a refrigeration repair guy. They were hard to come by and so he’d always have work and the pay was decent.

They had been saving ever since to cover tuition for the program. They had kept in touch with the technician who said he’d allow Bram to do his apprenticeship with him and last summer Bram worked with him as an assistant, learning on the job.

She only needed to keep him on track. He was a good kid but didn’t have tons of friends in school. Most kids saw the thick one-inch scar circling his head and the way he had to concentrate and were intimidated by him. Kids could be cruel. Brain cancer had been hard but ignorant kids hadn’t made it easier.

Her thoughts flicked back to when he had been in the hospital and the couple she had met in the cafeteria. The distraught woman had accidentally sat at her table instead of where her husband had sat. She had lost a baby, her sixth miscarriage and had been warned not to try again. IVF had failed too many times to count. The woman was going to attempt one more round but was feeling defeated. Famke herself had already been crying because the bills for chemo post surgery for Bram had been astronomical.

Over the next two weeks, the three of them had sat together every day for coffee and to commiserate. When Mindy’s IVF failed again, she had held her new friend while she cried. Then the hospital administrator had come to the table to tell her the check she’d written had bounced. Prince had simply passed his credit card and said to pay it off. She had been stunned. He’d had an ulterior motive.

Three weeks later she was in stirrups having her eggs harvested, which had hurt like a bitch, and not long after she was their surrogate. All of Bram’s medical bills were covered and she was provided the best in prenatal care. They stayed close to her throughout the pregnancy. Then the day she delivered, they walked out, and she never saw or heard from them again.

The hurt reared its head again and she pushed it back down angrily. Bram was in remission, cured really and it was all which mattered. She didn’t bother to wipe the tears staining her pillow. She knew there would be more to come by dawn. These memories never fully went away when they reared up and she settled in to work through the pain which resided deep down inside.

 

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