Chapter 4

When I wake up, I find myself back in my room and the sky outside is already dark. Thank the goddess for enhanced wolf vision because, despite not having a functioning wolf, at least I can still see clearly in the dark.

The first thing I do is place a trembling hand over my stomach. The moment I feel the baby move beneath my palm, some of the panic inside me eases slightly, but it does not erase the painful memory of what happened earlier.

As much as he hated me and treated me coldly, I never truly believed he would one day put his hands on me like that. I never imagined my mate would choke me without hesitation, but then again, I also never imagined I would attack my own sister.

The rage and betrayal I felt after seeing Bianca in his arms had come out of nowhere and consumed me completely. In that moment, I did not see Bianca as my sister or even think about the fact that I was carrying a child… All I saw was red.

What shocks me the most, however, is not my reaction; it is the fact that my claws and fangs actually came out.

I have never shifted before. Most werewolves experience their first shift at sixteen, but not me. It is just another reason why everyone in this pack sees me as a freak.

I can feel the wolf spirit inside me, but that is all there is. I feel her emotions sometimes, but we do not communicate the way normal wolves and their humans do.

It is almost as though something between us is broken. Disconnected in a way, so for my claws and fangs to suddenly appear earlier is both confusing and terrifying.

Given I’ve never shifted, the accusations surrounding my parents’ deaths are just ridiculous. My parents were brutally torn apart that night, so how could a ten-year-old girl without a wolf possibly do something like that? How could I overpower two fully grown werewolves capable of shifting?

It never made sense, but I suppose the pack needed someone to blame and since there was no evidence pointing toward anyone else, they decided I would carry that burden instead.

What hurts the most is not even the accusation itself, but the fact that they were willing to put a child through so much hatred and cruelty because of it.

I am not just saying that because it happened to me, but because it’s fucked up and wrong. No child deserves to go through what I went through.

I slowly pull myself out of bed and head toward the bathroom. I have no idea how long I was unconscious and, considering I do not even own a phone, there is no way for me to check the time.

I know most people would find it strange not to have a phone in this day and age, but honestly, I have never had any use for one. I do not have friends or have anyone waiting for my calls or messages, so what would be the point?

Ever since becoming an outcast, I have grown used to my own company and the silence that comes with it. Solitude became safer because at least when I was alone, I did not have to constantly feel suffocated by everyone’s hatred and coldness toward me.

The moment I reach the bathroom, I stop in front of the mirror before getting into the shower.

I look exhausted. My eyes are swollen while my skin looks dull. A bandage is wrapped around my neck and, seeing it, memories of Xavier choking me immediately come rushing back.

I reach up and touch the area, only to realize there is no pain. Frowning, I peel the bandage away and stare at my neck in confusion.

There is nothing there. No bruises, cuts or any sign that Xavier’s claws had pierced my skin earlier.

My eyes continue roaming over my reflection before eventually stopping on the mating mark resting against my skin. What was once supposed to symbolize love and belonging now feels more like a cruel reminder that my mate will never truly love me back.

Once Xavier finally rejects me and reverses the mating, the mark will disappear completely and somehow, that thought of losing it hurts.

I quickly push those thoughts aside before stepping into the shower. The warm water cascades over my body while silent tears slip down my cheeks. By the time I finish showering, I feel slightly calmer.

Wrapping a towel around myself, I leave the bathroom while drying my hair absentmindedly, only to freeze the moment I step into the bedroom and see Xavier standing there.

His hands rest on his hips while his face remains cold and unreadable, though the irritation in his eyes makes it obvious he would rather be anywhere else.

The moment his gaze lands on me, his eyes slowly travel down my body and the action instantly makes me clutch the towel tighter around myself.

Without saying a word, I quickly rush toward the bed, grab a fresh set of clothes, and hurry back into the bathroom to change. The last thing I need is for Xavier to accuse me of trying to seduce him again.

Once I finish dressing, I walk back into the bedroom cautiously and stop a few feet away from him, watching him warily while waiting for him to say whatever he came here to say.

“If you ever try to hurt my mate again, I will forget you’re carrying my child and rip your throat out myself” Xavier says coldly, his voice sharp enough to cut through skin, “Do I make myself clear?”

He doesn’t give me a chance to answer, just continuous as if his word is law.

“I don’t want to see you anywhere near her… If you see Bianca coming, walk in the opposite direction. I don’t even want the two of you in the same room together.”

I should have known Xavier was not here to apologize he was here for Bianca instead.

The moment I look into his eyes again, I’m immediately dragged back to earlier when he had me pinned against the wall with his hand around my throat.

I do not know what happened after I lost consciousness, but I know one thing for certain when he had his hands around my neck, his intention had been to end my life.

“I am the one who is your mate, Xavier, not her,” I whisper, though my voice comes out much smaller and weaker than I intended. “Why can’t you just accept that?”

Instinctively, my arms wrap around my stomach in a protective gesture while also trying to comfort myself at the same time.

Xavier begins walking toward me slowly, his movements calm but threatening enough to make fear crawl beneath my skin. I immediately take steps backward until my back collides with the bathroom door, trapping me between the wood and his approaching figure.

His eyes continuously flicker between grey and glowing yellow, proof that his wolf is close to the surface.

Without thinking, my hand flies to my neck as memories of him choking me come rushing back. My body tenses automatically, afraid that I have angered him enough for him to hurt me again.

“Get this through your thick skull, Amelia,” he growls coldly. “You are not my mate and you never will be. I would rather have my heart ripped out of my chest than accept someone like you as my mate. You are pathetic, and completely unworthy and you will never even come close to being a quarter of the woman Bianca is.”

Each word feels like another blade sinking into my chest, and cutting my heart out piece by piece.

Tears begin filling my eyes, but Xavier either does not notice or simply does not care.

“And once this child is born,” he continues, his voice turning even colder, “I will take him or her away from you and raise the baby with Bianca because you do not deserve to be a mother. After that, you can rot in the pits of hell for all I care.”

Hearing him say he’s planning to take my baby shatters something inside me, almost killing me on the spot.

“H-how could you?” I whisper brokenly before looking up at him through tear-filled eyes. “Why are you doing this to me? What have I ever done to you?”

Xavier stares at me without an ounce of softness. “The fact that you even exist is fucking wrong!”

“Would you rather I didn’t exist?” I ask quietly, my voice trembling despite my efforts to stay composed. “Would you rather I just died?”

Even asking the question hurts, but somehow, hearing the answer hurts even more because his answer tear through me so deeply that for a moment I stop breathing altogether.

“Yes, I would much prefer that,” Xavier replies without hesitation. “Every single day I wake up wishing it.”

Silence fills the room afterward because what else am I supposed to say to that? What do you even say when your own mate wishes for your death?

“Okay,” I whisper quietly. “Maybe one day you’ll get your wish.”

I hear him sharply inhale, but I do not look up to see his reaction. Like I said before, I am tired and honestly, Xavier would not be the first person to wish for my death.

“For attacking my Luna, you’ll remain confined to this room till I decide you have been punished enough,” he says after a tense moment of silence, his voice once again cold and emotionless, “The balcony door and windows will be boarded shut… No sunlight will enter this room and you are not allowed to step outside that door unless I permit it. You will receive your meals and nothing else.”

His eyes harden even further as he stares at me.

“If you weren’t pregnant, I would have thrown you into the cells without food or water.”

Without another word, Xavier turns around and walks out of the room, leaving me standing there shattered and the moment the door closes behind him, my knees finally give out and I collapse onto the floor crying.

The fact that he called Bianca his Luna hurts more than I ever imagined it would because deep down, despite all the hatred and rejection, some foolish part of me had still held onto the title fate had given me.

I can’t understand how my life became this miserable or what I had done that was so unforgivable that the goddess herself seems determined to punish me endlessly.

The only person I truly had was my baby, and even he would eventually be taken away from me because Xavier had made it clear that he intended to do exactly that.

The council feared Xavier because of his strength and influence, and all he would need to do was remind them that I had once been accused of murdering my parents. The moment that happened, they would side with him without hesitation.

I remain on the floor for what feels like hours until eventually I hear loud hammering sounds coming from outside the balcony and I realize they were sealing me inside before sunrise.

Slowly, I force myself onto my feet before dragging my exhausted body toward the bed. The moment I lie down, my hand instinctively moves to my stomach and I begin gently caressing it, finding comfort in the small movements beneath my palm.

Without even realizing it, sleep slowly pulls me under and for once, my sleep is peaceful. In my dream, I am happy, loved and accepted. There is no hatred surrounding me, no pain clawing at my chest and no loneliness threatening to consume me whole. For the first time in a very long while, I feel at peace… But the peace does not last long because suddenly a pain like no other consumes me.