The Unwanted Luna

I have always believed in mates.

Growing up surrounded by love, especially the kind my parents shared, made me believe that mates were everything. I believed no one could ever love you the way your mate would because they were the other half of your soul.

Having a mate was supposed to be a beautiful thing. They were meant to understand you better than anyone else ever could, to connect with you on a level no other person would ever reach, not even your parents. The bond between mates was sacred, specially created by the Moon Goddess herself.

The bond tied two souls together for life in a bubble of love, companionship, comfort, and security; at least, that was what I naively believed.

I could not wait to meet my person, my mate, the one who was meant only for me. I used to daydream about him constantly, imagining where we would meet and what it would feel like to stare into his eyes for the very first time. I imagined the sparks, the pull, the moment the bond would click into place and seal us together forever. I imagined my mate falling hopelessly in love with me at first sight and the two of us living a life filled with happiness and love, building a family together and bringing beautiful children into the world.

When I grew older and started understanding intimacy, I imagined what our mating ceremony would be like and what it would feel like to finally belong to one another. I knew the first time would hurt, but even then, I filled my head with rosy fantasies. I believed it would be okay because he would be there with me, gentle and loving as we made love through the night.

I imagined what it would feel like when he marked me while buried deep inside me, claiming me as his mate, but those dreams were nothing more than fairytales created by a naïve little girl.

What I never imagined was my mate not wanting me. I never imagined him being in love with someone who was not me. I never imagined him hating me so deeply that he wanted nothing to do with me.

When we met, I did not expect was his wolf to take control when he tried to reject me, marking me against his human’s wishes and mating me that very same night. I was not prepared for the bitterness and anger that followed afterward. He accused me of seducing his wolf into marking me even though I had done no such thing. I had no control over his wolf, no control over the bond, and yet somehow everything became my fault.

More than anything, I was not prepared for the pain that came after. He told me he hated me. He told me he wished I had never been born so that he would not have been cursed with me as his mate.

His words tore me to pieces. Shredded me till I was nothing more that useless piece of flesh. Destroyed me in ways I’m still trying to recover.

Do you know what it feels like to hear your soulmate curse your existence? To know the person destined to love you wishes you had never existed at all? It broke me and still, despite everything, I held onto hope. I convinced myself that one day he would come to love me.

He swore he would reverse the mating and reject me on the next full moon since it was the only time it could be undone, but life had other plans for us. Plans I foolishly mistook for hope.

Before he could reject me, I found out I was pregnant, and for one brief moment, I thought maybe this was fate giving us another chance. I thought perhaps our child would bring us together and help him finally see my worth. Instead, he accused me of trapping him.

I was a virgin when he mated me. To be precise, it was his wolf who mated me, not him, so how could I have possibly planned any of it?

I had spent my entire life waiting for my mate. I was not sleeping around, nor was I taking any of our species’ special pills meant to prevent pregnancy because I had never imagined my own mate would not want me. I had gone into that night believing he was mine just as much as I was his, so how could I have planned to get pregnant beforehand?

But none of my explanations ever mattered to him. No matter what I said or how hard I tried to make him understand, he never believed me. If anything, it only seemed to make his hatred for me grow stronger, and as it did, so did the hurt festering inside me.

All I had ever wanted was someone to call my own. A mate who loved me, cherished me, and looked forward to spending forever with me. Instead, I got a mate whose hatred for me burned hotter than the sun itself.

Because I was pregnant, he could not reject me. The pain from a rejection could cause me to miscarry, and despite everything, even he could not bring himself to harm his own flesh and blood. Werewolves protected their cubs above everything else. Our wolves were even more protective of their young, and because of that, I knew I was safe for the time being… At least physically; emotionally, though, I was falling apart.

I loved him from the very moment I discovered he was my mate, but sometimes I think the deities must hate me, especially Selene, because what kind of cruel goddess gives someone a mate who does not want them?

Every day, every hour, every minute, and every second, I yearn for him. I crave him in ways I cannot even explain, but he does not want me. His heart belongs to someone else.

The only thing keeping me going is my little angel growing inside me. My baby keeps me grounded, keeps me from ending it all and giving in to the dark thoughts constantly whispering in my head. Sometimes the pain becomes so unbearable that all I can think about is finding a permanent escape from it, some kind of peace from the endless ache living inside my chest, because how am I supposed to survive like this?

How am I supposed to survive watching my mate give the love meant for me to another woman? How am I supposed to stand there while he builds a family with someone else while I remain on the sidelines, unwanted and forgotten?

My name is Amelia Solace and this is my story.