Sex Is Not Love

DIANA'S POV

As I tried to talk, I felt a huge lump in my throat making me remain speechless. My heart has never ached like it was right now probably because I've never imagined being rejected in such an embarrassing manner.

Maybe it was too late but it finally dawned on me that sex is not love. I have always gotten whatever I wanted in life which made me delusional about making him mine but like Samantha always says, 

"You will never have everything you want!" 

Even though we are not always on good terms, I think she told me the truth but it took me too long to realize it. 

In the end, Louis was not to blame at all, after all, he already made himself clear to me all along, it just took her this long and painful route to find out just how much he hates me. 

My legs felt so heavy that it took me almost 10 minutes to walk a 7-meter distance from Louis's room to the door.

The journey to my Chambers was definitely long but I still wish I don't ever get to reach there. 

I walked very slowly but eventually, I got to the front of my chambers and my heart sank deep into my stomach. I wish I could just keep walking, then maybe I can get him and the past two days off my mind. 

Eventually, I found something that could take my mind off Louis - MYSELF. 

Something was definitely strange about me. I always come to a huge misunderstanding with Dad anytime I talk about it and Stella never believes me. 

"Those fantasy stories are taking a toll on you!" She'd always say but today, I'm definitely going to prove her wrong. I finally got indisputable evidence - MY SHADOW. 

Everyone else's shadow was visible on the ground but no matter how much I looked, I couldn't find mine. 

I ran into my chambers and met Stella re-organizing my already organized room.

"Stella! I told you I was strange but you'd never believe me." I exclaimed.

"What do you mean by that?" Stella asked worriedly.

"My shadow. It's invi…" My voice trailed off as I looked down to find my shadow staring back at me. 

"What shadow are you talking about?" Stella asked curiously. 

"Uhmmm...never mind, I…think I made a mistake." I stammered as I slumped into my bed.

"Or...was that just a ploy to prevent me from questioning on your way about last night?" Stella asked.

Nothing ever escapes her. I didn't even think of what lies to tell and now I'm stranded. 

"Ummm…I was…at…ummm D-dad's place last night." I lied. 

"Oh…really?" Stella inquired cunningly.

"Yeah…where else could I have been?" I retorted, avoiding eye contact with Stella. 

Stella walked out of the room and returned after almost a minute. 

"Check the call log. The King couldn't get a hold of you on your phone so he called this line." Stella ordained, presenting my spare phone to me. 

My jaw dropped as I was caught off guard. Dad and I haven't spoken since my birthday when I talked to him about how weird I find myself to be sometimes and I never expected him to call me today.  

"You're going too far with that guard my princess." She frowned, sitting beside me on the bed. 

"He's a knight, not just a guard…dad's most trusted allies..." I blurted out before I realized I hadn't told Stella and was never planning to. "I-I...don't know what you're talking about.." I stuttered even though it was already too late. 

Stella is just too observant and smart which is what I like about her but most times, I seriously loathe her for that too just like now. 

"Quit all this pretense My Princess and let's get serious here, you look sickly and depressed, and with how red and puffy your eyes are, it's obvious you just stopped crying. Do you deserve this pain you're going through right now?" 

"Maybe I do," I mumbled, interrupting her.

"I'm sure you haven't come in contact with the King ever since you started this unethical relationship with that guy…I wonder if he even reciprocates your love." Stella scolded, tears pricking at the corner of my eyes. 

Dull aches filled my heart and I could barely hold back my tears not because I was being scolded but because she was right. 

Louis was never going to reciprocate my love and that I know for sure. 

"I had to lie to the King about the reason for not answering your phone last night and it seems like he didn't notice your not coming back into the Chambers, my lies could also go unnoticed. What's wrong with you, Diana?" She lashed out, voicing out her frustration and unintentionally startling me.   

"I'm sorry okay…I didn't ask to be born a stupid and a helpless romantic. You're right anyways….he's not reciprocating my love. For the first time in my boring life, I met the man of my dreams but it seems I'm more of a nightmare to him…a horrible one at that." I voiced out, as tears that I've been trying to hold back finally rolled freely from my eyes.

"I thought being a princess would get me a perfect shot at love but I guess I was wrong. He doesn't resist my attempt at forcing myself on his bed but when it comes to that stupid thing I feel for him, he rejects it abruptly without a second thought." I cried out before Stella pulled me into a comforting hug. 

Precisely what I needed to calm down but not enough to mend my broken heart. 

I pulled myself from her hug when a terrible headache instructed me. 

I didn't want to scare Stella or worry her so I decided to take a cool bath hoping it might help relieve my headache. 

Stella offered to select my nightwear while I had my bath and I didn't refuse. 

I sat in my bathtub and the cool water drizzled on my hair down to my overly white skin, I spaced out, thinking about the harsh words Louis rained on me. 

"Maybe I am just not enough," I mumbled. 

It took me several minutes to conclude my shower and as soon as I was done, I stood up from the bathtub and dried myself with a towel while wearing another.

I subconsciously walked past the huge standing mirror in the washroom, expecting to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror but I was forced to come back as I noticed another strange thing about myself. 

I stood in front of the mirror for a while and rubbed my eyes vigorously to be sure I haven't gone blind from crying but no matter how much I rubbed my eyes, I still don't see my reflection in the mirror. 

"What?" I exclaimed as I fled out of the bathroom, scaring Stella who was just about to leave the room. 

"What is wrong my Princess?" Stella asked curiously.

"Uhmmm…I-I think…I think I'm going nuts." I blurted out in fear, there was no way Stella won't notice the anxiety in my voice

I didn't know how to explain the situation so I decided to practicalize it by dragging her to the dressing mirror in my room.

I stood with my back covering the dressing mirror while facing Stella and thereby obstructing her view. 

"I might sound weird when I say this but my image doesn't appear in the mirror."

"Yeah. You sound really weird." Stella replied. 

Ok...Don't freak out when you see this..." I warned before I finally stepped out of Stella's front and faced the mirror this time.

"Are you talking about this image?" Stella asked, pointing at my reflection in the mirror. 

I was shocked beyond words to see my reflection in the mirror once again. 

"Oh…they must have been a mistake somewhere," I mumbled out, scratching my messy bun and making it messier. 

"Yeah, I know where the mistake is." She replied confidently. 

"Really? Let's hear it." I ordered, starting at Stella in utmost curiosity. 

"I had a sneak peek at those books you're reading and I can boldly say...it's taking a BIG toll on you," Stella announced, and without waiting for another word from me, she bowed respectfully to me and stepped out of the room leaving me all by myself. 

"Yeah, she's right. Those books are driving me crazy." I muttered to myself as I lay sluggishly on my bed.