Chapter 1: Compensation

Chapter 1

Compensation

"I knew it. Dito lang talaga kita makikita," irap ni Roxanne sabay tabi sa akin dito sa bleachers.

I smiled coyly. Binalik ko ang tingin sa mga players na ngayo'y nagkakatuwaan abala sa kanilang practice game. As far as I know, they're about to compete with their rival team that they recently knocked down last championship. Siguro, naghamon ang kabilang eskuwelahan na iyon para sa isa pang laro kaya pinaghahandaan ulit nila.

"Ivan plays so gracefully, right?" I commented dreamily.

Sinalo ko ang aking baba gamit ang aking palad. Nakatukod ang aking siko sa aking kandungan. I probably look like some teenager lost in her daydreams but I cannot deny what I feel. Sa kaniya lang ako nakatingin habang siya, nakangiti kapag nakaka-shoot ng bola sa ring.

"Hay, Ivan De Leon. Nakuha mo 'tong lukaret na 'to sa mga pagpapa-pogi mo." Si Roxanne.

Ngumuso ako at bumaling sa kaniya. "He's genuine kaya. The last time, he volunteered to cook for the university's charity event. Sobrang bait!"

"He's genuine kaya," she mimicked sarcastically. "Eng-eng! Malamang, magpapalakas 'yan. Extracurricular naman 'yon. Gusto lang n'yan maging dean's lister ulit!"

"Roxy, ginawa n'ya 'yon out of kindness and empathy. Ikaw lang naman ang 'di nakaka-appreciate."

"Pa'no ko maa-appreciate, e kung sasama pa 'ko sa pederasyon n'yong mga head-over-heels sa kurimaw na 'yan, madadagdagan lang ng eng-eng ang mundo."

Halos mapa-face palm na lang ako. Ever since, mainit na ang dugo ng best friend kong si Roxanne kay Ivan. She reasoned out that he's a playboy, which is true. 'Yun nga lang, hindi ko gusto ang parte na kahit sa mga kabutihan ni Ivan, bulag pa rin siya.

I chose to focus my vision on Ivan again. Nag-apir sila ng kaniyang teammate at nagtawanan. One of them called for a break and they did.

Nang nasa bench na nila ay may nagturo sa akin. He whispered on his other teammate and because Ivan is just near them, wiping his sweat with his towel, he probably heard him. He looked up to see the bleachers. I waved at him when he saw me.

"Oh my God." Umiling si Roxy sa gilid.

Tinulak si Ivan ng kaniyang teammate. Tinaasan muna niya ako ng kilay bago gumanti ng tulak sa kaniyang kasamahan.

"'Yun oh! May pagsilay kay Papi Ivan!"

I'm not sure but I think it was Creed Agoncillo who shouted that. Napunta sa akin ang atensiyon ng buong team. Naghiyawan sila at tinulak-tulak si Ivan.

"What the hell!" reklamo ni Ivan.

Lumapit si Creed sa bleachers. Pinamulahan ako ng pisngi. I'm not really close with any of them, even with Ivan, but I watch their games without missing a single one only to watch him. Support him all the way and somehow show that I like him.

"Halika na! Lapit!" yaya ni Creed na hinawakan pa 'ko sa braso.

My cheeks heated more. God! Nakakahiya pero at the same time, natutuwa ang puso ko. I felt giddy!

"P-Pero-"

Roxanne unexpectedly pushed me. Napatayo ako at halos mapayakap kay Creed.

"Oh, oh!" tawa ni Creed.

Lumayo rin naman ako agad.

"Nahiya pa, e!" simangot ni Roxanne na medyo nangingiti rin naman.

Suddenly, Creed pulled me to go down the bench. Lumakas ang hiyawan ng mga players habang ako ay mas nahihiya habang papalapit na nang papalapit. Once I was close, I saw Ivan furrowing his brows. May tumatakas na ngiti pero nagpipigil.

"Suwerte, a****a! Rigella na 'yan, e!"

Sa sinabing iyon ni Creed, mas naging agresibo ang kanilang tawanan at hiyaw. They even pushed me towards Ivan! Napapalibutan nila kami at halos wala nang hangin.

I know some people are aware about me crushing on Ivan. Alam ko ring puwedeng nakaabot na iyon sa kaniya, sa kanila. Pero hindi ko inasahan na darating sa ganitong punto!

"Stop it!"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang pumalibot ang kaniyang braso sa aking likod at balikat. He forcefully made a way out of the wild crowd, with me tagging along. He looked dark and pissed.

"Are you okay?" he asked seriously.

The hard etch on his forehead made me swallow. Unti-unti akong tumango. Mabilis niya akong binitiwan at humarap sa kapwa players.

"Don't do it again, dimwits," banta niya na tinawanan lang nina Creed.

"'Sus! 'Wag daw kayong gan'yan, mga dimwit! Baka bastedin ni Lara!"

Mukhang mas nayamot si Ivan. Saglit lang niya akong sinulyapan bago umiling. He made his way back to the benches without saying a thing.

It was like I was glued right where I stood. He's courting Lara again. That news spread like wildfire in the campus. Nag-break sila three months ago dahil umano sa third party pero inaasahan ng lahat ang muli nilang pagbabalikan. Lalo pa at nage-effort nang totoo si Ivan para maging sila ulit.

Inwardly, I smiled sadly. Siguro nga, si Lara talaga ang mahal niya. Maybe he was mistaken when he cheated but it's just that. Babalik at babalik pa rin siya sa babaeng laman ng kaniyang puso.

"'Uy!" Kinuhit ako ni Creed.

Marahan ko siyang nginitian. There's a hint of playfulness on his smile but I think it's genuine.

"Imbitahan kita sa birthday party ko. 'Sama mo 'yang chicks mong repa. Darating din si Ivan."

Ivan will be... there? Paano kung kasama si Lara?

I licked my lips. Ano naman ngayon, Rigella? You're not his girlfriend to question it more so get angry for that fact.

Nahihiya akong ngumiti. "Baka nando'n ang girlfriend n'ya, nakakahiya naman. B-Baka alam niya rin na... na..."

Hindi ko na maituloy ang susunod kong sasabihin. Nakakahiya pa rin kahit na alam na niya ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaibigan niya.

Creed winced. "Yuck. 'Di na n'ya babae 'yon, ang arte. 'Di rin 'yon pupunta dahil strict ang parents. Si Ivan lang, peksman. Tapon susi."

"O-O sige..."

"Ayun! Salamat! Basta, ha. Tonight, eight P.M.." kindat niya.

Tumakbo siya pabalik kina Ivan. I heard they'll start another game so I moved aside and came back to the bleachers. Nakatayo si Roxanne roon at nakakrus ang mga braso. She lifted a brow.

"Oh, ano? Tuwang-tuwa? Kilig p*pe?"

I chuckled at her statement.

"Creed invited us to go join his party tonight," anunsiyo ko.

"Whatever." Umirap siya. "Kung pupunta ka ba, e."

"Oo naman. Bakit naman hindi?"

"In-expect ko na 'yan, e. Mga galawan mong malandi ka. Tsk. Pigilin mo muna ang kilig n'yang pempem mo dahil may next class na sa Math. Sulit na sulit ang break. Aral muna bago spread ng legs, oki?"

Humalakhak akong muli. "Grabe ka sa 'kin."

"Tara na!"

Slowly, a smile crept on my lips reminiscing that sweet memory. Sino nga ba ang mag-aakala na after that one close encounter, mapapangasawa ko pala ang lalaking pinakagusto ko?

Maingat kong pinunasan ang frame na naglalaman ng aming wedding picture. I was smiling widely even though Ivan only exerted a tiny effort for his. Pero ayos lang naman iyon.

Niyakap ko ang litrato. I breathed a small sigh and my smile widened. Pakiramdam ko, panaginip pa rin ang araw ng kasal namin. The same feeling of being under the spell of that intense and passionate sorcery was still here. Kahit sa mga nagdaang taon, walang napawi.

Kaya kapag nakikita ko ang litrato ng kasal namin, naniniwala na ako. It wasn't a dream. It's real and I have his name as my last name. It's a dream come true.

Hindi lang 'yon, we also have our child. Ivan and I combined. Our son, Ice. I picked up his picture frame and caressed his angelic face that's almost the same as his father's, under that glossy material of the glass frame.

"This is my life," I murmured looking at the frames I was holding.

Tinapos ko na ang paglilinis ng mga display sa aming bahay. Our house was composed mainly of picture frames and paintings like how I wished it to be. Gusto ko kasi na sa tuwing titingin ako sa mga litrato, babalik sa isip ko ang mga alaala na gusto kong matandaan. Minimalist lang din ang style nito dahil tatlo lang naman kaming nakatira at ayaw kong maraming abubot ang naka-display. Mas maganda pa rin ang simple.

A pile of unarranged clothes greeted me when I slid myself on the sofa. Sinimulan ko na ang mga tupiin dahil mamayang lunch, magkikita pa kami ni Roxanne. Our friendship lasted long but until today, she's still very against of the idea of Ivan and I. Pero wala rin naman siyang nagawa nang maikasal na kami.

"Hija, bakit ikaw ang gumagawa n'yan?"

Naibagsak ko ang T-shirt na tinutupi nang biglang lumantad si Manang Lisa. Her face was filled with concern. Ngumiti ako at tinuloy ang ginagawa.

"Ayos lang po, Manang. Exam week na ni Marilyn ngayon. Dapat magre-review na lang siya mamaya kesa nagtutupi pa nito," tukoy ko sa ginagawa.

Hinawakan niya ang T-shirt na nasa akin. "Ako na lang dito, 'nak. Magpahinga ka at pagod ka pa sa general cleaning natin kanina."

"Ayos lang po. Nagpapalipas lang din naman po 'ko ng oras dahil natapos ko na kahapon 'yung portfolio ko. Siya nga po pala, aalis po 'ko nang after lunch pero susunduin pa rin si Ice."

She nodded. "Sigurado ka ba? Baka nahapo ka?"

Ngumiti ako at umiling. "Ayos lang po talaga."

Bumukas ang pinto na pumutol sa akmang sasabihin ni Manang. Niluwa niyon si Ivan na naka-three-piece suit pa at mayroong dalang paper bag at attache case. We were shocked to see each other. Kumunot ang noo niya marahil dahil naabutan niya kami ni Manang sa sala.

"Uuwi ka na pala, 'nak. Hindi ka nagsabi," ngiti ni Manang at sinalubong ang asawa ko.

Ivan nodded and beamed. "Hmm. I was in the States to join my father-in-law in a conference and we were busy."

Lumapit siya sa matanda at nagmano. He even kissed her forehead. I was touched as I watched them because I know Manang is his second mother. Mahal na mahal niya kahit pa hindi niya kadugo. It's maybe and solely because she nurtured him since childhood.

"Gutom ka ba? Baka pagod ka sa biyahe. Maghahanda ako," pag-aalala ni Manang.

"Sure. I missed your cooking," tango ni Ivan.

Nagpaalam na si Manang na papanhik sa kusina para makapagluto. I want to help her because I know she was tired helping me clean the house. Nagdilig pa siya sa garden. Hindi ko nga lang maiwan ang mga tutupiin ko.

We were left alone in the living room. Bumuntonghininga ako at napasulyap sa paper bag. I think I already know what it is. Pero binalewala ko iyon at nagtupi nang muli.

I saw Ivan sat on the other couch. He relaxed himself and massaged his temples. Mukha ngang pagod siya. I just wonder if it really is because of his business trip.

"Don't act dumb. Get the paper bag and look for what's inside," he uttered lazily.

Unti-unti akong naantala. I pursed my lips and stood up. Binuklat ko ang paper bag na may lamang rectangular box. Like what I expected, it was a pair of shoes. White stilettos, to be exact. I guess it's a limited edition again like the past items.

"Salamat," namamalat kong saad.

"It's a compensation."

Tumango ako. I know. This isn't the first time, anyway.

His eyes fluttered open. Umayos siya ng upo sa paraang may pormalidad. He angled his head, looked up to me, and smirked evilly.

"Do you believe my excuse?"

I blinked. "W-What excuse?"

He shrugged. "That I went to the States."

Hindi ako nakaimik. Walang kibo akong bumalik sa inupuan kanina. Mabigat ang aking loob. But how else should I react?

"Tss. Look at me. I'm talking," he demanded.

Huminga ako nang malalim at bumaling sa kaniya. The same smirk was still there but his eyes were bitter and taunting. Kulang na lang doon ay ang baga ng galit na alam kong nararamdaman niya sa mga oras na 'to.

"I didn't go to the States. I ditched your father," panunuya niya.

Nagkaroon ng malaking tipak sa aking lalamunan. My gaze dropped on my lap. Alam ko naman na ganoon nga, pero masakit pa rin pala.

"He's authoritative like he owns the world. Like he can order me around. I'm not surprised that old hag seems to expire already. You should prepare."

Pakiramdam ko'y matatadtad ko nang lubos ang aking labi kung hindi pa 'to matatapos. My firm bite on my lips was my only salvation. Alam kong sinasadya niyang magsalita nang ganoon para magalit at masaktan ako. I at least want to evade the former so I kept my calm.

"And that expensive shoes costed thousands of dollars. That is my compensation."

Kumapit ako sa isang malapit na damit. I closed my eyes tight, not wanting to hear any mockery from him anymore.

"Because in a hotel in Paris, I made love with my Lara. Countless of times. I enjoyed it more than staying with you here. More so coming to your father's aid. You're both sickening."

Hot tears streamed down my cheeks. Nagmulat ako ngunit wala ring nagawa iyon dahil nanlalabo rin naman ang paningin ko.

So within those three weeks...

"Tsk. Only when you're a great f*ck but you're not."

His shadow moved. He stood up. Nakapamulsa siyang umalis pero tumigil saglit. With a tear-stained face, I turned to him.

"I'm going on a date. What do you want as a next gift?"

I didn't answer him. The pinch on my heart was too painful to handle.

"Don't answer, then."

He glared at me first before leaving. Nang pumanaw na siya sa paningin ko ay saka pa lamang tumakas ang mga hikbi na halos ikadena ko na sa loob ng kanilang selda. I literally cried hard that I don't know anymore if there's still a way to stop.

All these years, all I've got from him was his cold, stern, and rude treatment. And I deserve all of it.