LOGINOn my 20th birthday, I called out toward the living room out of habit, "Chester, Milford, Collin... I'm 20 today. You promised you'd celebrate my every birthday." All that responded to me was silence. On the sofa sat the plush dolls of my brothers and my childhood sweetheart. They sat there with their round eyes open, quietly keeping me company just like they had on so many nights before. Only then did I remember that they had abandoned me long ago. When I was ten, I was diagnosed with kidney disease. My eldest brother brought home a girl from the orphanage, saying that her kidney matched mine and that she was the sister who came to save my life. But before she ever made it to the operating table, she became everyone's new favorite. After chemo, I couldn't eat spicy food, yet my eldest brother cooked spicy Thai and Mexican dishes for every meal. "Lena is going to lose a kidney. What's wrong with letting her eat what she likes now?" When she took a liking to my coming-of-age necklace, my second brother took it off me on the spot and gave it to her. "She's giving you a kidney. Giving her a necklace isn't too much, right?" My childhood sweetheart promised to accompany me to my follow-up appointment, but he broke his word to take her to a concert instead. "She might not have opportunities like this in the future. You can handle one night." Even my life-saving surgery was delayed again and again because she wanted to see the ocean, go skydiving, and chase the Northern Lights. And just because I mentioned that living in a massive house by myself made me scared and that I wanted to go out and play with them, they used it as an excuse to send me away to a rental apartment. The night I moved in, I made three dolls modeled after their appearances. They accompanied me to eat, sleep, and listened to me talk through every bout of pain. Today, I used the last of my savings to buy a second-hand car. I wanted to go see Lake Tahoe, the place we once promised to visit together. And after that, I'd never look back.
View MoreFrom that day forward, the howling wind off Lake Tahoe became a nightmare that the three men could never outrun for the rest of their lives.Chester collapsed by the shoreline, cradling those few letters against his chest for what felt like an eternity.The thin stationery trembled violently in the gale, and his frame shook right along with it. Those few sheets of paper carried almost zero weight, yet they seemed to have crushed him inside.Milford sprinted along the water's edge like a lunatic, screaming my name into the empty sky. "Vicky! Come back! I was wrong! Hit me, curse me, anything... Just don't leave me!"He screamed until his vocal cords tore, his legs giving out as he crashed hard onto the rough gravel. Yet, he seemed numb to the pain; he simply knelt in the dirt, burying his face in his hands as a broken, agonizing sob tore out from his chest.He used to despise my tears more than anything. He had mocked me for being dramatic, accused me of weaponizing my suffering, a
I finally reached Lake Tahoe.When I arrived, the dawn had not yet broken. I parked my car on the gravel shoulder, steadying myself against the frame of the door for a long time before I could manage to take a few faltering steps toward the water.The distance to the shoreline wasn't long, but my progress was agonizingly slow. With every step forward, the pain inside my chest flared brighter, and the copper tang of blood kept welling up in the back of my throat.Yet, despite it all, a profound sense of quiet joy washed over me. Because against all odds, I had made it at the age of 20.There was no cake, no candles, and no one to wish me a happy birthday. But I had Lake Tahoe—the place we had promised years ago we would visit together.I sank onto the cool shore, pulling the sheets of stationery from my bag. The wind off the water was fierce, making the paper whip and chatter against my fingers.I used my medicine bottle to weigh down one corner, lowered my head, and began to writ
By the fourth day, the road ahead began to smear into an indistinct blur.Waves of suffocating darkness washed over my vision, and the pain in my stomach was brutal. I had to pull over to the shoulder, slumping against the steering wheel just to catch my breath.In the rearview mirror, low-hanging clouds pressed down against the horizon. I was almost there.I fished the medicine bottle from the console and shook it, but only two tablets rattled out. I was about to swallow them when the screech of tires braking violently echoed from behind.Before I could react, the driver's side door was wrenched open. A blast of cold air rushed into the cabin, and I looked up, dazed."Vicky!" Chester's voice cracked, shattering into a pitch of panic I had never heard before.Milford came rushing up right behind him, his eyes rimmed with a raw, ugly red. "Vicky, are you insane? Do you have any idea what you're doing? You know your body can't handle a drive like this!"Collin stood a few paces ba
I was still traveling west, chasing the horizon.After three days on the road, I finally noticed how empty the passenger seat looked. I'd left those plush dolls behind in that apartment.When I first made the choice to leave, I fully intended to bring them along. But during the chaotic blur of my departure, I forgot.Or perhaps, in the deepest corners of my subconscious, I never wanted to carry them with me. Chester, Milford, and Collin had changed a long time ago.The ones I truly yearned to take with me were the ghosts of who they used to be. I wanted the big brother who would anchor himself to my bed just to wipe the cold sweat from my skin.I wanted the second brother who would secretly cry until his eyes were raw, yet still force a ridiculous face just to make me laugh.And I wanted the childhood sweetheart who would squeeze my hand, swearing that he would celebrate every single one of my birthdays right by my side.I continued to drive westward. The skyscrapers outside the






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