Chapter 07 - Forgetting The Darkness

Sitting down on my unmade bed I started rethinking about the hug that made me feel a lot of things and I could immediately smell her again. God I was losing it. I was losing control.

I smiled a bit. When last did I feel like this? Never! Not even once in my life. Not even with the person my family picked for me.

Growing up ended up not being really rosey for me, considering that I was not so perfect. Everything about me was just a disappointment. I mean my family tried to be understanding and supportive with my sexuality but when I was 14 they were conflicted about a lot of things when it came to me.

They found out about my sexuality when I was 12 and they were surprisingly very supportive. I had a crush on this girl and I told my dad I was going to marry her when I get older. That's how I simply 'came out' and he told me I could marry whoever I wanted. I guess I could say I was lucky to have understanding people like them.

But that all changed soon as I was 14 and turned into something they didn't expect. I was then told they will pick a person I had to marry without any negotiation. Thank God it wasn't a man, but still.. I couldn't marry into that family even on my dead bed. So 14 year old me thought there was no way I was going to let them send me off to strangers because my family claimed they couldn't take care of what I was.

Of course, my parents have always been understanding, so I thought they would hear me out and not go ahead with it.. But they refused to even look at me and then sent me away without my own will. It took me two weeks of hell to get out of that place, two weeks that felt like two years... hell I never want to go through or even think about ever again.

After finding out what the Kamp family had to do to me so that I'd be able to control myself I knew from then that my relationship with my parents was over.

How could they do that to me? Send me to a place where they knew I'd have to lose myself in order to 'gain strength..? ' I was so mad at them when I finally managed to escape and decided on not ever looking back.

I lost a big part of me there and my parents were a part of it. I don't think I could ever face them after they abondened me there.. They might as well have because they never cared to get me after I escaped.

The window made a cracking sound snapping me away from my thoughts and I looked at it. Thank God it kicked me back to the present because the past was too dark to remember. I didn't Want to think about it at all because I'd be driven back to the darn place I was in during my teens.

To keep being in the presence I thought about one specific person who made me feel all sorts of things that I have never felt. I didn't know whether to take this as luck or what.

First of all I was sure that maybe love wasn't for me, especially after everything that happened when I was at the Kamp family with my supposed 'wife'. I never thought I'd be able to feel anything that has to do with love ever again. But here I was feeling butterflies in my stomach like I was some teenager.

I got up and tried to clean up a little bit, I couldn't put her off next time because I wanted her closer to me. There was just something about the way she laughed or looked at me that made me want to keep her in my life.

I knew it was probably risky because all my life I had planned on not falling. Of course I've had my share of hookups, some turned to relationships but they were not like this, they only lasted a few months until I moved to a different city or even country. But this.. Thus was different.

After cleaning up, I smiled feeling so proud of myself. At least I got very productive. I ran a quick shower and took my laptop to watch N*****x. This was going to stop me from doing two things I was trying to avoid. Thinking about a certain beauty and my dark past.

..

Saturday. God! I hated not having friends here yet because it meant I'd either be bored in my apartment or bored out of this apartment.

But with whatever energy in me, I mentally planned on talking to someone today and actually making something out of it.. Someone who wasn't Anzania because I was so going to wanna fuck her. Just needed someone I wouldn't want to fuck.

I cleaned up pretty well and out on some warm clothes since it was getting colder and colder.

I slowly got out with my wallet, phone and house key.

Maybe I could go to the pub down there where I met Anzania. There were always people, I just needed to be brave enough to start conversations with them and 'put myself out there'

I went in the pub and sat at my favorite place. The bartender fleshed me a smile before lifting one finger telling me she'll be with me in a minute.

I waved her off telling her not to worry. I took this time to look around so I could see anyone I could bother. But people in here fit perfectly with whatever group they were sitting with. If I were to go in and start talking I would disturb them.

"hey... If it isn't my regular customer..." a familiar voice said and I smiled at the bartender, "yet she doesn't even know your name.. Hi... I'd like to have some.."

"...hot chocolate with maybe a little bit of cake..?" she said and I just looked at her. She laughed, "the cake is on us.. The chocolate is what you always order."

I laughed too, "right.. God am I here too much?"

She shrugged, "don't feel bad... It's not a bad thing."

"yeah thing is I'm new here and still don't have friends.. So this place is like my only friend."

She winked, "I might have noticed that you are new, if you don't mind I think I can be able to show you around. If that's okay with you though."

"really?" I asked surprised that she even volunteered. God! It was that easy? Maybe I only needed to talk to her.

"I'd appreciate that so much.. For real. I'm game."

"that's music to my ears.. Oh.. My other regulars are about to walk in right now. Let me make you that hot chocolate okay.."

"yes... Umh... Yeah thank you."

"it's Sophie by the way..."

My phone vibrated and I took it out as I said to her,

"Allison..."

She flashed me another smile before disappearing to make me what I needed. My attention went to the phone and I saw unknown numbers with a message reading :

"I had no idea an older person could be this adorable... You're the first."

I smiled thinking it was her. Then the door bell started ringing and I heard noises.

Oh God!

So Sophie meant them when she was saying her other regulars were coming. Why them? I mean I wasn't complaining because by the looks of things they were with the girl I had a crazy crush on.. But then again, why were they here...

I turned around and found her in her uniform looking hot as hell. She had no cap today but she put her hair up perfectly see her face. Saying she looked beautiful felt like it would be an understatement. She looked like she didn't even belong in this world.

She lifted her hand up and I couldn't help but smile and wave back while mouthing her full name.

She came to me slowly and I stood up and pulled her into a hug making sure that it's appropriate for the crowd that was in front of us and not too sexual.

She pulled away, "how are you?"

"very adorable.. And how are you?"

She smiled and removed the hair that was on my face to put it behind my ear, "I'm good now that I'm seeing you... I hate having to leave you. But I have to go sit with those loosers."

I laughed, "yeah they really are loosers.. Enjoy... And I'll save your numbers."

"please do.. We will text later.. yeah...? "

"most definitely." I said and she looked around, "did she take your order?" she didn't even wait for me to respond she just called for Sophie, "hey Sophie.. Take care of her.. Now before those guys.."

Sophie looked at me and then at Anzania, "I'm on it."

Anzania winked at me before leaving and going to join them. I smiled, she was honestly going to be the death of me if she was going to be taking care of me like this.

'oh my God what the hell was what?' one guy asked as soon as she reached them and she laughed, 'what was what?'

'that show you were playing for us.. You and her? Does she smell good.'

'oh my God Alex stop talking.. You sound so stupid whenever you open your mouth.'

'have you fucked her already? Why do you attract these girls like you're a magnet? What is it that you have that we don't have?'

Pussy... I mean it was so obvious... And brains maybe to talk something with sense and respecting people. I thought to myself.

'maybe if you stopped talking the way you do to people then you would turn into a magnet too. Respect others dude. But here we are..'

I almost laughed out loud for what she said. I felt bad that I was prying on them but I loved this conversation.

'no... Please answer him.. What is it that you have that we don't..? I mean remember that other hot ex of yours again? Who's she?' another guy said.'

'Ava... Even though I fucked her too.' Alex responded and my heart felt like shit. I wished I hadn't heard that part of the conversation because what the fuck. So Ava wasn't just a smart 'hot' doctor, she was her ex too... Fuck!