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The choices we make 17
“What do you mean it is your fault, my child?” asked Zerden’s mother. Mary looked at her and suddenly, the words poured out of her mouth. She told them about how first her father got sick and then her mother; she told them no one wanted to help them and how she took care of them. She told them about the day she opened the store and how she had gone to the market.“It was my fault,” she said in a low voice. “I should have stayed with them and taken care of them. Instead, I went to the market and when I got home, I milked the goats and looked for eggs. I should have taken care of them, but I was stupid and selfish and that’s why they died,” she told them. She continued to tell them about how she ran and looked for the Lady, how she had found her, but that it had been too late. “That’s why she brought me here,” Mary said. She was sitting with her head lowered now. There were no tears, and she was calm, uncomfortably calm. She didn’t dare look at any of the others sitting around the table
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The days Mary spent working in the kitchen always seemed to go by quickly. It was the daily routines which divided the days into breakfast, lunch and dinner that made them float together into a formless memory. Wednesday seemed to appear out of nowhere and before Mary knew it, she stood outside the kitchen waiting for Zerden. She was wearing her grey cloak and in the pocket of her dress she had put her purse with some of the money she had saved. She was hoping Zerden wanted to go with her to the seamstress. Mrs. Karrots had told her where to go. There was apparently a seamstress who used to sew clothes for the servants in the castle. If Mary told her she worked in the kitchen, the seamstress would choose the fabric and the model which was standard. Zerden came running, Mary saw he was happy. He came up to her and gave her a big smile and his eyes was full of anticipation.“Mary, you’ll never believe what Dad told me today,” he said before she had time to say hello. “I’m going to go hu
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Zerden and the hunting team did not return until the Tuesday after they had gone hunting. They had a good hunt. This meant that in addition to butchering the crudely butchered animals, the kitchen would be cooking and preserving them. Alongside cooking the regular meals. Mary was so busy she had not been able to meet Zerden to ask how he had been doing or about the hunt. But she took comfort in the fact the next day was Wednesday, and then she would be able to meet him. She wondered if Erik would come up to the castle. Maybe all three of them could take a trip in the city. The weather seemed to be holding up, and Mary was really looking forward to Wednesday.Wednesday morning dragged itself forward. Mary stood and cut thin strips of venison which would be dried over the fire. Her hands had a couple of wounds from the knife. She wasn’t used to cutting such thin slices and sometimes the knife slipped. But she continued stubbornly, trying to concentrate on her task. She knew it was soon
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As usual, the kitchen was in full swing. Mrs. Karrots shouted orders with a clear voice, the kitchen maids rushed around to perform their duties, and everyone else worked with strict concentration to please Mrs. Karrots. None of the people in the kitchen knew it was Mary’s birthday. Mary herself had almost forgotten about it until Mrs. Karrots casually mentioned the date. Last year, she hadn’t even realized she had turned eleven years old until the summer had passed into autumn, so much had happened. Today Mary turned twelve years old and if she were home with her mother and father, it would have been celebrated and her parents would have had a small gift prepared for her. But now she lived in the castle and her parents were no longer alive. Instead, she spent the day peeling and cutting vegetables of various kinds. It was Wednesday and Mary was able to get off work a little earlier. She went to her room and washed off and changed before heading to church. As she crossed the castle co
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Mary handed over the ladle to a kitchen maid, who had to keep stirring in the pot while Mary made her way towards the door.“Hello,” she said, a little surprised.“Hello,” Zerden said. “Mom is wondering if you can come and have dinner with us tonight.”“Wait a minute,” said Mary, walking over to Mrs. Karrots. Patiently, she waited for the big woman to finish reprimanding the farmer who had delivered vegetables that apparently did not meet Mrs. Karrots’ standards. When the cook was done, she turned to Mary.“Zerden’s mother wonders if I can have dinner with them tonight,” Mary said.“Of course you can, my friend. Now run and tell the boy, so you can continue with the porridge.” Mary did as she was told.“I’ll be there as soon as I finish for the day,” she said.“Okay, I’ll tell Mom.” They said goodbye and Mary returned to stirring the porridge. Mary was a little nervous about the dinner. It had gone well the last time she was there, but she was still a little afraid of the castellan. B
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As the weeks passed by into months, Mary’s life followed a steady pattern. She worked in the kitchen, learning new things and impressing Mrs. Karrots with how fast she developed her skills. Her days off she mostly spent alone. As Zerden grew older and started to officially train to become a soldier, he didn’t have as much time for Mary. On days that he was free, there were other things that would take up his time, such as hanging out with the other trainees. But he still made sure to spend time with her once in a while. They would explore the castle together, and soon Mary knew her way around the impressive building almost as well as Zerden. On nice days they would walk in the gardens. Zerden’s parents regularly invited Mary to dinner, and Mary and Zerden’s mother grew close. Sometimes in her free time Mary would go and drink tea with Anna. The evenings with the castellan household were some of Mary’s favourite times. As Mary grew older her feelings for Zerden changed. The feeling of
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The next day Mary’s face was still swollen but she couldn’t do anything about it, so she went off to the kitchen. She started with the porridge as she always did.“Mary, are you feeling okay?” Mrs. Karrots asked as she came up to her.“Yes ma’am,” Mary answered.“You don’t look good, my child.”“It’s just the aftermath of the headache, I think.” Mary felt terrible about lying but she didn’t want to admit she had spent hours crying.“Are you coming down with something?” Mrs. Carrots asked.“No, I don’t think so,” Marry said honestly. The sickness was not as common as it used to be. But people still shunned anyone that got ill. The fear was still real in most people.“Good, then continue with your work.” Mary did just that. She took all her emotions and shut them in a corner of her mind, and she poured all her energy and focus into her work. Mrs. Karrots noticed a difference in her but as she worked hard and seemed to feel better, she didn’t say anything about it. A couple more days pas
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When Mary the next day was learning how to make a new sauce from one of the chefs, Jossi taped her on the shoulder.“The soldier is here to see you,” she said to Mary, and Mary knew she meant Zerden.“Thanks, can you ask him to wait? I can’t get away at the moment,” Mary said with a pang of bad conscience for keeping him waiting. As soon as she could get away, Mary headed for the door and to her relief Zerden was still waiting at the well.“Hi, sorry to keep you waiting,” she said.“No problem, it won’t take long,” he said. “How long do you usually spend in church on Sundays?” he asked.“Well, the service is about an hour and then time to get there and home, so if I go straight there and home, two hours.”“Can I ask Lady Sarah to meet us at the second guard change after lunch? You should be back from church then, right?” he asked Mary. Mary didn’t want to go with him to meet Lady Sarah, but she had promised, kind of.“Yeah, that should be fine,” she said with a small sigh Zerden didn’
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