This Time, I Will Not Love You

They said that when you die, all your memories will flash before you. Eight minutes— that's all it takes to show all the things that happened to you, just like showing a film of your life.

Is it true? You will never know unless you die. But for me, that isn't the case.

A cold floor, blurry vision, and blood dripping from the hole the bullet created as it pierced my heart. With my anger within, I know that this is my end.

What else can I even declare other than all of those things?

As a mere human with a condition like this, only a miracle can save me. Why did I even come to this point, you say?

Because of love.

Yes, you heard it right. It is all because of that useless love!

30 minutes ago…

"You're saying that he proposed to you?"

I said with my trembling voice. I gulp. My hands are cold, and my thoughts are blank as if time itself stopped at that very moment.

"Why?"

 That's the only thing I can utter at this moment.

 "I said why!!!" I shout in anger.

 Right now, I am talking with the person whom I treated as a friend. I have a friend who would never betray me, but I'm wrong.

That was just an illusion.

'"Because we love each other, Kianna. He loves me, and I love him. Isn't that enough?'' she replied in a manner that it was never her fault to begin with. It's as if it was I who had a loose screw between us.

"Mazie, you know I love him! You realized that a long, long time ago! So why... Why did you do this to me?"

Tears fell from my eyes. With my broken heart, my rationale was lost. I never thought that I, with my own hands, would do dirty things that only criminals would ever do.

"You took what's mine! He is mine. I can give up everything for him! Why... of all people? Why him?! You… you will pay for this! You will die to ease the anger and despair I'm feeling right now! You hear me??!"

I was in total madness.

 The only thing I want now is to kill her. To remove her from my sight! In my world!

"He was never yours."

It was then that I knew that a bullet had pierced my heart. It was so quick that I didn't even feel the pain of the bullet inside me.

What I only know is that I lost my strength and fell to the ground. Before I even processed what happened, Francis was the last thing I saw.

That very familiar figure, stand, and outfit—even if I couldn't see his whole face, I knew it was him.

It was Francis, holding a gun in his hand.

A gun…

I smiled bitterly. Is this how I'm going to die? Not because of old age, not by accident, but because of a crime that led me into this? And of all the people who can kill me, why you?

What's the worth of loving you if what I'm going to receive is death, not your love?

Is it worth the pain I have gone through? Tell me, is it?

With the things I've done, I know I will go to hell. If that place even exists,

Feeling the cold floor and my blood dripping bit by bit, I knew that this was the very moment that I was going to die. I will either go to heaven or hell.

That's what I thought. As I finally close my eyes, I feel like I'm floating. It's so calm and peaceful. I wish I'd be here forever.

The silence was disturbed by a phone call tone. I unconsciously held my hand to reach my phone and answered it.

"Hey sleepyhead, I know you are still awake, so... WAKE THE FUCK UP YOU BISH." I immediately ended the call and rolled my eyes, even if it was closed shut.

"Ha, now I can't sleep again! Damn Ysekiel, hmph!" I open my eyes, really wide open.

"What the..." I was now in my room.

Not the room in my house, but the room I used to have when I was still living in my dad's mansion.

Why am I here?!

And... Why did Ysekiel call me? She has never called me like that ever since we graduated, hasn't she?

I hurriedly reached for my phone. My newly released, branded phone is nowhere to be found. But my old phone was here as if it were newly bought.

"**** what?!!?!"

I came back from the past. Did I?