CALUM
I shaved, not because Mum asked. But because Yani touched my beards. No matter how much I brush my mouth, I still feel the imprint of her lips on mine. What was I thinking when I said yes to Mum?I don’t need a girlfriend. I don't care what the media says about my sexuality.
They want music, and I’m giving them music. That is that. Or so I want to think but I can’t ignore the buzz generated since those pictures were uploaded. I didn’t even have to do it myself. The handler posted them after selecting the best five. I browse through the comment sections on my Instaagram page from my other account.
Some of the comments are mean, some are neutral, and some wish me well. But one thing is common with all the comments, they believe the pictures. I close my eyes and my head falls back. Around me, footsteps echo in the corridor, with the faint smell of antiseptic acting as a constant reminder of my location and unresolved issues.
CALUMCathy.Her name is Catherine Jenkins.She’s the same person. The pink hair and the black hair. They are both her. Cathy. My Cathy. My first and only girlfriend.I slump down on the bed of the hotel I’m sleeping in tonight. My head still reels from the conversation with Tessa. It was a lot. It was too much. I toss my jacket on the bed, get off it, then start pacing the room. My thoughts swirl, creating a confusing mix.A phone rings. The familiar ringtone makes my hands clench into fists. Mum. I let the phone ring. Once. Twice. Thrice. The fifth time she calls, I wrench it from the bed and storm to the window. I pull the curtains open. It’s late but my eyes catch movement below. This is the city where people never sleep.“Cal,” Mum says. “Where are you?”“I’m not coming home tonight,” I tell her and end the call. She knew about Cathy.A
I jolt awake. Mace. I spring out of the bed and race to the connecting door to his room, only to rush back to my room to check his crib. One look at him and a rush of air escapes my lips. We moved his crib here because I have become obsessed with listening to his heartbeat. I have lost count of how often. But I do it as often as I breathe.Cradling him in my arms, I perch on the edge of the bed and watch my little one. His lips pucker, and he makes a cute sound only babies can make as he stretches his tiny arms. My baby. I sway from left to right to assure him he’s okay when his eyes open.Blues the same colour as his father’s stare up at me. He blinks and my heart does a flip. It doesn’t hurt to look into his blues but it hurts to have a physical reminder of my heartbreak. It’s kind of fucked up. He left with my heart but Mace is piecing me back.“Mama. Mama is here,” I mutter when Mace continues staring.A
I wake up feeling different, almost brand new. My hand shoots out to the side to reach Mace but someone brings it back down. I peel one eye open, then the other. Amelia sticks out her tongue, her fingers stretching the corners of her lips to form a toothy smile. She is a clown and I love her.“He’s awake. He’s fine,” she says. My body relaxes at those words. I’m not sure when she got into bed with me but I push closer to her for a brief hug. I like to think of her as the sister I never had but she’s more than that. “I even listened to his heartbeat.”My fingertip traces circles on the tip of her nose. Amelia giggles and swats my hand. “Okay, I believe you.”“Thank you, Mama Mace.”“Mama Mace?” I reply. I stretch out my arms and a yawn escapes me. My head falls to the pillow. I squint at the window behind my bed. The curtains are drawn, making it harder to
Mace will not stop crying. I hold up his maraca, shake it to calm the little man but he flails his arms and lets out another ear-splitting scream. I try to rock him but it doesn’t work. Frustrated, I exit the room with the crying boy in my arms. Soft music booms from Amelia’s speakers. I stomp all the way to the living room where she’s seated on the floor while working on her laptop. I clear my throat, she takes one look at me and her godson, then the music goes off. “What happened?” she asks. Trying to pry Mace off me is futile. He won’t stop crying and he won’t let anyone carry him. I sit on the couch and she follows suit. “Cathy? What happened?” she asks. “I don’t know.” Mace stops crying long enough to catch his breath. Tears coat his lower lashes, he blinks and my heart breaks. “Mama doesn’t like it when you cry, Macey. Please, don’t cry. Stop crying, okay?” Amelia squats in front of the
It’s Mace’s fault. If he didn’t distract me, I would have had time to check my wallet. I wouldn’t be stuck here with no idea what to do. How could I forget to check my wallet?My feet rap against the concrete surface, cars zoom past me with not as much as a glance at the girl standing on the sidewalk.A blue car slows from the distance. I step back, seeking refuge from the walls of the bus stop.The car slows beside me. The driver rolls down his window and I pray for the ground to open up and swallow me. Why him?Jason leans forward, his smug smile as vivid as his blue eyes. “Need a ride, Cathy?”“Maybe,” I reply. Jason laughs. My insides burn. I’m mortified but grateful to see him. He helps me with the bags, dumps them in the backseat and we climb into the front seats. “What if you are some sort of killer?”He drums his index fingers on the
Life is a bitch. Tell me why this new guy we have welcomed into our lives adores Calum Dissick. The one man I want to forget. He also plays the guitar, another punishment.Amelia smiles at Jason strumming his guitar in preparation to serenade Mace. I clear my throat and she looks away but I don’t miss the pink coating her cheeks. She’s a goner. It’s amusing and annoying. Amusing because it’s a first for her, for us. Amelia has never dated. It’s annoying because now her attention is divided to create time for him.Mace rocks on his knees and hands, he might begin crawling soon. I pry the toy in his hand and drop him on my lap but he expresses his desire to be on the floor by making gurgling sounds. Jason laughs. He’s so annoying. Not really. But whatever. He drops his guitar on the floor to carry Mace.“They look so cute together,” Amelia says.She’s annoying too. She invited Jason ove
I like Mending Hearts last album. I like it a lot, more than I’ll ever admit to any living soul. Maybe that’s why I’m seated on the floor with Jason, trying to duet with him.One, it will make Amelia happy because it means I’m getting along with her man. Two, it’s an excuse to sing one of their songs without anyone growing suspicious. Three, I’m out of practice. Four, I miss singing.“Fine,” I mutter. Keeping up the façade of disgust is easy. Amelia almost choked on her cake when Jason suggested we joined the #mendingheart challenge on TicToc. They released only the chorus to their new song and the internet has gone mad. “I’ll do it if Amelia sings. Otherwise, it’s a big no.”I’m barely done talking when Amelia grabs the remote from the table. The candles on Mace’s birthday cake flickers. They turned his birthday to a mini concert and I love it.Am
“Have you checked your video?” Jason asks.“What video?”Jason pats his guitar one last time, then hands it over for me to repeat the strokes he played earlier. My mind is foggy as my fingers touch a string. He slides down to the floor in front of the couch I’m seated, legs pushing up and arms folded on his knees.“The TicToc video,” he replies. They were able to convince me to upload it. Now my face is out there on the internet for anyone to see. “Are you sure you don’t need to create an Instaagram account? You can repost your TicToc videos to the app.”“No, thanks. I’m fine.” I send a look of help to Amelia. She curls in the single sofa, her smile spreading as she nods for me to start.I don’t want to fill my head with negatives, but Amelia doesn’t seem okay. Not to me. My fingertips brushes the chord and a soft sound travels through the air. She