Toxic Paradise

The internet defines a toxic relationship as "any relationship [between people who] don't support each other, where there's conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there's competition, where there's disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness." The problem is... sometimes there's excitement in competition. Sometimes the disrespect and lack of support just makes you want someone more. Sometimes, the passion and intense feelings outweigh the negatives. It's easy to say you'd never find yourself in one of these relationships. I never thought I would find myself wanting someone's attention so badly; wanting to be liked by them despite toxic fights. Most of all, being the one to see the potential in that other person, and wanting so badly to be the one to save them. ********* Tonight is the night... I thought to myself. I set down my curling wand on my tiny bathroom countertop in my one-bedroom apar

As I walked through the streets of Chicago with a small box of crap from my desk, I felt almost like a zombie; like my physical body was there, but my brain was a million miles away. I wasn't even crying anymore... I just felt empty; like I didn't have anything going for me anymore. I had lost David. He was the man that I planned to spend the rest of my life with, and now he was gone. The shock of losing him led me to having an emotional outburst at work; not that anything I said wasn't true, but it was definitely unprofessional. However, if I was being honest, I wasn't too upset about losing that specific job, more just upset about being fired in general. Oh, and the timeline; it really sucked to lose my boyfriend and job within 24 hours. I wasn't sure where I was going as I let my thoughts wander. I supposed I should have headed home to sleep or to think about everything; perhaps have a good cry and talk to Maddie. However, there was a part of me that just didn't want to come to t

“Jay, don't take this the wrong way, but you look like shit. What the hell happened to you? David isn't talking to us either; it's like you both just fell off the face of the earth," Maddie said as she took a dainty sip of her iced tea.I took a giant gulp of my mimosa, polishing it off before setting my glass on the table. I took the sleeve of my sweater and swiped it across my mouth in a completely unladylike fashion before replying. "Yeah... about that; David dumped me."Maddie's eyes immediately widened to the point I thought they would pop out of her head. "He what!? That bastard. Why?! You two seemed perfect together."I let out a sound somewhere between a snort and a laugh. "Yeah well, apparently we weren't. Don't feel bad for not knowing though; I didn't either.""Excuse me," Maddie called over to our server, "I'm going to need a mimosa as well; heck, can we just get a bottle of champagne over here please? Thanks.""Would you like to just do bottomless?" Our server asked as he

“So, my new bff," Ryan finally broke the silence, "Tell me a little more about yourself aside from the drunken shit you told me the other night. Other than all that, I still don't know much about you."I thought hard about the other night before responding. "In all fairness... I don't remember a lot of what I told you," I admitted.Ryan let out a laugh, "You're somethin' else. Okay, so I know about your shitty job, the fact that you lost your shitty job, and your ass-hat ex boyfriend, but I don't know much else.""Ah yes, that helped fill in the blanks, thanks," I chuckled, "but honestly, there's really not a lot to know about me. I lived a pretty boring life so far, and was committed to David way longer than he deserved; what else... I love journalism. I worked my ass off in grad school to be the kind of writer that allows people to see the world without ever needing to step out of their comfort zone, and I spent 3 years at a job that I thought would get me there.""I bet you're an a

"Alright, have a seat," Ryan offered once we were both inside the bathroom. I looked around the spacious bathroom, briefly wondering where he wanted me. I glanced initially at the toilet, then at the edge of the large tiled tub, connected stand up shower with a rainfall shower-head, and lastly, at the white marble counter top. "Where?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow at Ryan.His hardened expression he had been wearing immediately softened as he regarded me. "Counter top is fine," he answered while opening up a medicine cabinet.I was about to put my hands down onto the counter to pull myself up, but stopped when I noticed they were both bloodied. The last thing I needed to do was smear more blood all over this beautiful home.Ryan turned to look at me once he found what he needed from the cabinet. "Need some help?" He asked."I um... I don't want to get my bloody handprints on your counter," I admitted. I wasn't sure why I was feeling so shy around Ryan now. We were having so much fun b