3– Unrequited love

June, 2016

Preetah

“I wrote this last night while I was studying for Biology.” I said, turning a few pages through my diary.

“Let me see!” Roshni grabbed the diary out of my hands before I even got the chance to give it to her.

“Roshni, you need to relax. I was giving you the book—”

“Shhh.” She said and then a naughty smile stole her face. “Look at the title!”

I blushed, glancing towards the school gate just in case Arjun was walking in.

“When others are studying for the exams, you're writing love letters.” Roshni shook her head playfully at me. “Naughty you.”

I rolled my eyes, smiling. “You know this just happens. One minute I'm studying Evolution and the next I'm thinking about him.”

“'My Sweet Love'.” Roshni read the title. Roshni always wore red lipstick to school even though it wasn't allowed. Since she was one of the top students the teachers decided to turn a blind eye to her very red lips. Roshni was lowkey a rebel. She was the wild one in our relationship. Her school skirt was way above her knees than was allowed, like the other girls that refused to obey the rules. And her shirt was never buttoned to her neck and her tie in place. She always left the top button open like most of the other girls and her tie always hanged low. Since she was smart, she didn't really care because she knew the school would never give her a harsh punishment. But because of how short her school skirt was and the red lipstick she wore, my father wasn't very fond of her. So, whenever we'd go to my house from school, she'd try to pull her skirt as low as possible so that it touched her knees, which was a total failure. And then she'd button up her shirt like it was supposed to be. She would also pull her hair into a normal ponytail like they wanted us to at school, but the problem is her hair was dyed red at the tips. And because her tips were red, she refused to remove the lipstick so it would match her hair.

“'My sweet love, it's half past twelve in the morning, I've been on and off different platforms, down the list, checking if you're online too. I stared at one of your pics for too long, even called you my boo'—” Roshni stopped reading and shrieked. I laughed at her reaction, covering my face in embarrassment.

“You need to put this letter on his desk.” She said grabbing my hands away from my face. “He needs to know that you're head over heels for him!”

“You know I can't do that.” I told her feeling butterflies in my stomach with the mere thought of letting Arjun read one of my many love letters to him.

“How long are we going to keep standing here every morning? How long are you going to keep writing these things?” She asked me. “Preetah this is your second diary of letters and it's almost full and it's only second term.”

“I can't, Roshni.” Just then I saw Arjun step out of his father's white sedan. “I mean look at him.”

Roshni looked over at him approaching in the distance. “What about him?”

“He's too serious.” I bit my bottom lip in anxiety. “I've never seen him smile. He is always so... so... serious.” I sighed hopelessly.

“Maybe you can be the first to make him smile.” Roshni gave me her most optimistic smile.

I shook my head. “He doesn't talk to anyone; how can he smile? You made me go ask him for a black pen that day and he literally didn't say a word to me. Just shrugged.”

“Listen, don't let that stop you. You like this guy. We'll talk to him after school together. We'll make sure he speaks this time.”

“Look, he's taking the back way. He does this every morning whenever he sees us. I don't think he likes me, Roshni.”

“'You'll never know until you try', ever heard of that quote?”

I nodded even though I knew that Roshni's after school plan wouldn't work.

“Yeah, so have some faith, friend.” She hooked her hand in mine and then we began walking inside the building. “Let me finish reading Arjun's secret love letter.”

She smiled at me and continued reading out loud. “'I know this is unlike me. I'm surprising myself too. I'm so scared because I'm the only one going crazy. I know that you are probably fast asleep, in some dream world that I know I am not a part of.'”

She closed my diary and passed it to me. “I wish Mr Jandra felt like that about me.”

“Do you even feel like that about him?”

“I just like the idea of someone obsessing over me.” She said, pulling out her phone after we heard it chime. “We're not talking about me. We're talking about you.”

“He'll never like me.” I told her as I put the diary in my backpack.

“You're the top student in the school—”

“Not according to last term.”

“Okay, fine. But still, last term your aggregate was literally ninety-five percent, and he was ninety-six. Nobody in the school even gets aggregates of ninety, so how could he not like someone as smart as him?”

I gave her a 'seriously?' face. “He doesn't care about my marks. He doesn't care about me at all. He doesn't even see me. Period.”

“Okay, wrong point. Let me start again.” Roshni took a deep breath and then spoke. “You beat maths, and physics, and chemistry, that stuff is not easy stuff, I mean it's a little easy for me but to like ninety-six percent of this school, it's not. So, don't be scared of a challenge. We'll change things up after school. You won't be the only crazy one anymore. Arjun will see you.”

I smiled just to make Roshni feel that I believed in her plan but deep down I knew that Arjun was a brick wall. Arjun was not rude, no. He was just reserved. He liked keeping to himself and enjoyed his own company. I couldn't blame him for that. He preferred being alone and that was him. He was calm and peaceful in his own company; he didn't like me. If she had finished reading, she'd know that I wasn't planning on entertaining my one-sided feelings for Arjun any longer.

I'm giving myself time

I know this phase will pass

And I'll send you off with a goodbye

But somehow, this feels like it won't be my last time

I feel myself falling too deep too quickly

Too deep too quickly for you, Arjun.