Chapter 17: Breaking Point

Kaima

I told myself it didn’t mean anything. All throughout the day, I’d tried to convince myself that the kiss didn’t happen, but I knew better. It did happen, and denial wasn’t going to fix anything. I needed to talk to him. To understand why he kissed me. Did he feel the same way I feel?

When I got to the door of his room, I knocked, but there was no response. The door was slightly ajar, so I gently pushed it open and walked in.

“Nathan…” I called quickly.

My eyes moved through the room and landed on the bed—then I froze.

Elizabeth was in his arms, their lips locked together, kissing passionately. His hands were underneath her nightwear, her hands tugging at his shirt. For a moment, I felt my heart stop; my brain couldn’t process what I was seeing. I wanted to speak, but all the words were stuck in my throat, my chest crashing violently against my ribs.

When Nathan’s eyes flicked to mine, I saw realization flash in them like he just snapped out of something. 

He quickly detached himself from Elizabeth and made to come towards me.

“Nathan, come back to bed,” Elizabeth said in a seductive voice.

And just like that he stopped.

“I’m…I'm sorry for the disturbance,” I managed to say, my voice breaking as I stumbled backwards slowly, my gaze on him.

Before he could say a word, I turned and bolted. My feet moved faster than my mind could keep up, carrying me down the hall and out of the pack house. I heard him call behind me, his voice rough and desperate, but I didn’t turn. I just couldn’t.

The moment the cold night air hit me, I let go—shifting mid-run. Bones snapped, fur burst through my skin as Nyx took over, howling out a sound of anguish and fury that shook the forest.

“Kaima, stop,” Nyx urged, but I couldn’t.

Tears streamed down my fur, hot, bitter tears—as I ran through the forest. The trees blurred as I ran with the wind. Every step hurt, and every heartbeat burned.

When I finally stopped, I collapsed into the damp grass, gasping as tears kept pouring down my cheeks.

“I don’t want to feel this way,” my voice was broken as I spoke, using my fist to hit my chest. “He already has a mate. He has Elizabeth. He’s not mine. He didn't do anything wrong by wanting to sleep with his mate. But yet seeing him with her hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt.”

“That’s because you love him,” Nyx whispered softly, “and it’s killing you to fight the feeling you have for him.”

I let out a broken sob. “I can’t love him, Nyx. He belongs to another woman. I don’t want to love him,” I shook my head, “I don't want to, but my feelings grow stronger and it keeps tearing me apart little by little.”

The silence that followed was deafening. I could hear my heart breaking over and over again.

“I just want it to stop,” I said, curling into myself under the cloudy sky. “Please… Mother, please make it stop. It hurts so much. I can’t take it anymore.”

Nyx whimpered softly inside me, but there was nothing either of us could do.

Lying on the ground, helpless, I wished Mother had never sent me on this assignment. All I’d ever wanted was my own mate. That was all I wanted. But now I've found myself entangled with someone else's mate. 

“Mother, is this your plan? Is this what you want for me? Now, I'm the one who needs saving.” I sobbed quietly.

I didn’t know how long I’d been there, curled up on the cold ground. My tears had dried up, but the ache in my chest was still there like a heaviness I couldn’t get rid of. And it only reminded me of him.

“I want to forget, Nyx. Just for tonight, I need to forget.”

“Kaima,” Nyx said, her voice breaking. I wasn’t the only one feeling this pain she was too. “Let’s go back. You don’t need to do this,” she added softly, already knowing what I had in mind.

“I can’t go back there,” I said, my back splayed flat on the ground as I watched the cloudy sky. “I can’t face him. Not tonight. I can’t face her. I can’t.”

“Then where will you go?”

“Somewhere I can forget.”

Nyx sighed. She went quiet for a moment. “You’re not thinking clearly. This isn’t you. I know how you feel. I feel it too.”

“Exactly,” I said, laughing bitterly. “I’m doing this for the both of us, not just me.”

____________

By the time I’d walked into town, it was already midnight. I wasn’t really familiar with New York, but I quickly learned that this city is alive. Everywhere was dark, but lots of people were still outside partying. I just let my legs carry me into a small bar.

When I stepped in, the air was thick with smoke, alcohol, and cheap perfume. The music was loud and horrible, but I couldn’t care less. I took my seat in front of the bar, and the bartender gave me a curious look.

I ignored him. All I wanted was to get wasted.

“Whiskey,” I said, my voice rough. “I need it really strong.”

The bartender eyed me, his eyes lingering on my body. I saw him bite his lips before pouring me a drink. I stared at the glass before lifting it to my lips. The first burn was sensational. I instantly downed the entire glass. The burn hit harder than I expected, but it was exactly what I needed.

“This isn’t going to fix anything, just give you a terrible hangover,” Nyx cautioned.

“I don’t need to fix anything,” I muttered under my breath, smirking at the amber liquid. “I just need to forget—even if it’s only for tonight.”

I wasn’t the type to drink, but right now, I didn’t care. I ordered more drinks. As I downed the fourth glass, I felt the pain becoming more bearable. I felt lighter. I could almost pretend I wasn’t a fool who fell for someone she could never have.

“You’re going to regret this, Kaima.”

“Oh, come off it, Nyx. What exactly do I have to lose?” I laughed, whispering as I stared into the glass. “He already belongs to someone else.”

Nyx didn’t answer this time. She couldn’t bear the sense of loss too.

“Sorry.” I whispered to her as I ordered more drinks. 

If this was what it took to forget Nathan, then I was ready to drink until the bar ran out.