Chapter 1

~9 Months Ago~

    

I stay low to the ground, pressing my belly against the cool, damp earth. My hackles are raised. I struggle to contain my excitement and keep from licking my chops as I stare down the large bunny. I just hope my loud, rumbling, hungry stomach doesn't give me away. 

I swear this little shit is my Nemesis. He's been taunting me for months! His little nose twitches, and his cute little whiskers move about. Those beady little eyes pretend they don't see me, but I know they do. He's fast, and I hate it. It infuriates my wolf that a stupid, cute little bunny is faster than us. 

I can't stop my butt from wiggling with excitement as I prepare to pounce. Unfortunately, I think that's what gives me away. The little shit bolts the second I kick off with my hind legs, and with that, we're off. We are off in a little game of chase that my wolf and I desperately want to win. 

I am so sure today is the day we win. So sure I can taste victory. But when that cute, fuzzy little critter ducks into his hole in the ground, my hopes for victory are crushed. My snout jams painfully into the hole when I naively try to follow him in, ignoring the fact that the opening is way too small for a wolf. I yelp, but the sound muffles hollowly from the ground pressed tightly around my muzzle. 

Panic sets in when I try to pull back and realize I am stuck.

Oh, Goddess, no! 

I tug, wiggle, squirm, and yank with everything I have, but my snout doesn't budge

No! 

This can't be!

Is this how I die? 

Trying to catch a damn bunny, but I end up getting my face stuck in his burrow instead! How embarrassing would that be?!

With one final, desperate heave, my face breaks free, and I tumble backwards onto my butt with a yelp. I vigorously shake my fur out, then narrow my eyes at the stupid burrow and growl. 

‘Next time, bunny! Next time!’ I think as I turn, tuck my tail between my legs shamefully, and walk back with a painfully empty stomach.

I’m not very far from that stupid bunny's burrow when a sudden wave rushes through me. It's a phantom pull. One I've always been able to feel. I don't know how I can feel him. I shouldn't be able to. He hasn't been a member of this pack in fourteen years. Yet the recognition is there. Somehow I know it is him. Somehow, I've always been able to sense him. I was in tune with him like that. When he lived here, there was nowhere he could hide from me. I can sense his presence miles away. This feels just like it did fourteen years ago. I swear it is him.

I freeze in my tracks. The possibility that he returned has my heart pounding violently against my ribs and makes it impossible to think straight. Only one thought consumes my mind: I need to see him. I need proof. I need to see with my own two eyes that he is really here. So with that, I’m off. I follow that familiar feeling, that pull, and it leads me to a house a few doors down from where he used to live.

I see an unfamiliar car pull into Jerry's driveway. The driver's door opens, and when he steps out, the air leaves my lungs, my heart stops, and time stands still. 

He is here.

It's really him

The person I fell in love with all those years ago. The person who felt like home before he was forced out of my life fourteen years ago is back now. 

My heart begins to beat in a way that it hasn't since the last day we were together. Fourteen years is a long time; it feels like another lifetime, but at the same time, it doesn't. Because everything I felt for him comes crashing down on me, rushing back, and suddenly I feel like that little boy again, utterly in love and full of hope.

I'm filled with curiosity and hope, as I wonder why he is here. Is he returning? Did he finally come back for me after all these years?

I ignore the ache in my chest and the overwhelming urge to run to him. I force myself to stay put, keeping my distance in the shadows of the tree line. I ignore the little voice whispering that he's not here for me, that he's not returning as I always hoped he would. I push that little voice aside and try to remain hopeful. 

He has to be here for me!

Right?

I find myself wondering if he has thought about me throughout the years. Has he thought of me the way that I have thought of him? Has my face crossed his mind as often as he has crossed mine? Is it possible that he has missed me, even a fraction of what I've missed him? Has his heart yearned for me even just a little? Because mine has yearned for him more than it has yearned for anything in this miserable, lonely, cold, and pathetic life.

“Stay! Don't you dare follow me!” His command from so many years ago echoes in my head. 

Did it tear his heart apart to leave me the way it tore mine apart? Did it destroy him even just a fraction of the way it destroyed me?

‘Is it possible there is even the smallest chance he's here for me?’ I wonder, lowering my belly to the ground and resting my muzzle on my paws. 

I keep my eyes fixed on Jerry's house, my ears twitching as I listen as closely as I can. But I'm just as bad as an Omega; my hearing sucks. It's nothing like an Alpha, Beta, or Commander, who can hear a pin drop from this distance. 

My head pops up when he walks out the back door. I stand immediately, my muscles twitching, wanting to run to him, especially when he starts punching a tree. Jerry is at his side in an instant, so I wait. I wait even though everything in me wants to run to him. 

When he gets in his car and backs out of the driveway, I watch to see whether he drives to his house or to the orphanage. If he does, I'll take that as my answer, and I'll know he's here for me. And if he is, I'll run straight into his arms and pray he never lets me go.

I stay in the woods near the tree line, following his car, and it doesn't take long to realize he's not going to his house or the orphanage. I feel that familiar crushing sensation wash over me, the same as it did fourteen years ago. 

Like a fool, I find myself chasing his car from behind the trees. Then I do the one thing I told myself I wouldn't: I step out of the tree line and show myself just as he drives by.

That crushing sensation washes over me tenfold. It feels like a thousand jagged knives stab my heart when he looks at me, and all I get is a sad expression as he passes. 

He never once touches his brakes. His car continues driving away, leaving me behind again. Somehow, it hurts worse to watch him drive away and leave me again. Maybe it's because no one is forcing him to leave me this time. He left me on his own.

For the second time in my life, I consider going back to that cliff and throwing myself off the edge, praying to the goddess that this time I won't see those bright flames at the bottom. 

My wolf throws his head to the sky and lets out a devastating howl, letting the world know how broken we are. Letting the Goddess know how sad and lonely we are. Letting her know we wish for nothing more than to come home to her and put this miserable life behind us. 

~§~ 

14 years ago-

The rogue attack has left our pack nearly destroyed. The suffocating grief over the death of our Luna hangs heavy over every member. I don't feel the sadness quite as deeply as the others who have spent their entire lives here. I have only been part of this pack for a year, but even so, the loss still stings. She seemed nice, much nicer than the Alpha. She and her children didn't deserve to die in such a brutal way. 

My fingers anxiously tap my knee as I watch the clock tick, waiting for it to read 10:00 p.m. I watch each second tick by, then, finally, the clock reads 10:00 p.m., and the lights in the hall flick off. 

I rise to my feet in an instant and go to the window. I push it open, climb out, and run. I run into the woods, and the orphanage disappears behind me. 

The trees rush past, and my wolf urges me to shift, but I don't want to. I want to look a little presentable, and if he shifts, I'll be a mess. 

My heart beats faster the moment I exit the tree line, and his house comes into view. I don't stop; I move faster, eager to see him. Eager to make sure he's okay. 

I still can't wrap my head around everything that has happened in the last few days. And I still find it hard to believe that his father is responsible for the massacre of our pack.  

I reach the back door in no time and lightly knock before opening it and letting myself in. I enter his house slowly and quietly, listening to make sure no one is there besides Keith and his brother. Once I'm sure I hear no other voices, I call out to him as I move through the house. “Keith?” My voice cracks, even after using it somewhat regularly for nearly a year now.

“In here,” Keith calls out, and I follow his voice to his bedroom. 

I see his muscular back as he grabs a shirt from his bed. My heart beats faster as my eyes move over each muscle. I reach for his muscles, but frown when the shirt suddenly covers them, and he turns to face me. 

“Hey,” Keith says, his hands coming to rest on my hips, and my heart flutters. 

I move forward, grip his shirt, and cuddle in against his chest. His large, strong arms wrap around me, and everything feels right. I close my eyes and nuzzle him as I take a deep breath, breathing in his scent. 

“I missed you,” I mumble against his chest.

“I missed you, too,” he says, burying his face in my hair, which has grown a bit longer over the past year. 

I pull back to look up at him, tilting my head as I take in his handsome face. His face is so strong and handsome. I have spent many hours tracing it with my fingertips, and I still can't get enough. 

I come up onto my toes and tug on his shirt, reaching for his lips with mine. His lips curl up on one side, and his right hand rises to rest against my face. His thumb moves along my jaw as his head dips, and his soft, warm lips press against mine, making my knees weaken. He grips my face as his tongue slips past my lips, and I moan when his tongue touches mine. 

Every kiss is as magical as the first. Every kiss leaves me breathless and weak in the knees. Every kiss has me wanting more; one kiss is never enough, and neither are two or three. I could spend an eternity kissing him, and even that wouldn't be enough. His lips are addictive, and his tongue… goddess, his tongue is magic! The things he can do with that tongue make me squirm just thinking about it.

My chest heaves when the kiss ends, and he rests his forehead against mine. 

I tug on his shirt, pulling myself closer to him. “I'm s-scared,” I whisper, and he pulls me closer. 

“Don't be. Nothing will happen to Jason or me. They wouldn't dare hurt us, not with the elders watching this pack so closely now.

His words give me some relief, but I'm still worried and concerned about him. I pull back and look at his face as I reach for it. 

“Are you okay?” I ask, searching his face as I cup his cheek. 

He closes his eyes, kisses my palm, then nuzzles my hand as he exhales a heavy breath full of sadness and stress. 

“I miss him… I miss him and my mom,” he confesses, and my heart shatters when tears fall onto my hand. 

I gently push him back until the back of his legs touch the bed, and he sits down. I climb into his lap, pull his face to my neck, and wrap myself tightly around him. 

His arms wrap around me as he presses his face deep into my neck, then he lets it all out. His sorrow bleeds from him as he cries against my neck, and I damned the world to hell for hurting him.

I've never seen Keith cry. He has never shown that side of himself. Knowing he's hurting. Seeing him break is gut-wrenching. I want to make it better. I want to take his pain away, and it kills me that I can't. 

I can't take his pain away, no matter how much I wish I could. He lost his mother and father. They were the nicest people I've ever met. They shaped Keith and Jason into the wonderful people they are, and I'll be forever grateful to them. They raised two of the kindest people I've ever known. 

If it wasn't for Keith, I'd still be out there in the woods somewhere alone, or maybe even dead by now. If it wasn't for Keith, I would still be mute. But he pulled me from the dark place I was in. Somehow, he reached into the darkness and pulled me into the light where he was. He showed me kindness no one ever had, and he showed me love I never knew existed. 

He saved me in so many ways… I wish I could save him. I wish I could save him from his pain, but all I can do is sit here and be his shoulder to cry on. I can hold him and love him. So I do. I hold him until he stops crying. Then I wipe his tears, and he smiles softly at me before giving me a tender kiss. 

“Thank you for letting me get that out,” He whispers, resting his forehead against mine. 

“I love you, Keith! I w-wish I could take your pain away,” I say, kissing his lips again. Goddess, I love his lips! 

“I know you do, my heart. And I love you too. So much!” Keith says softly, then captures my lips again.

A startled yelp escapes me when he suddenly pulls me down onto the bed and hikes us up until his head is on the pillow. He chuckles warmly at my yelp, and a beautiful smile spreads across his face as he sees my pink cheeks.

“Goddess, I love it when you blush!” He murmurs, pulling me onto my side and tucking me as close to his body as he can. He nuzzles his nose against my cheek, as if trying to feel the heat of my blush painted there. 

Keith pulls the blankets over us, and I close my eyes as I nuzzle in against him. I yawn, my fingers slipping under his shirt, which has risen when he laid us down. I feel goosebumps explode across his back at the light, feathery touch of my fingers. I smile against his chest, loving the reaction my touch pulls from him. I drift off to sleep wrapped up in his arms, and surrounded by his warmth... 

~§~

I startle awake, nearly jumping out of his arms at the sudden, violent sound of someone banging loudly on the front door. A small whimper slips past my lips; the aggressive sound terrifies me. I hear the deep, harsh voices of multiple men outside, and the sound only scares me more.

“Shhh. It's okay, sweetheart.” Keith tries to calm me down.

I whimper again and cling to his shirt, terrified by the booming sounds from the front door. 

“Stay here, and I'll go see what's going on,” Keith says, carefully untangling himself from my grip. He climbs out of bed and tucks the blankets securely back around me. 

I whimper softly and reach for him. I don't want him to go; I'm afraid for his safety if he goes out there. He smiles softly at me, but I can see the concern in his eyes that he is trying so hard to hide. 

The moment Keith steps into the dark hallway, he collides with his brother. Jason bounces off his chest, but Keith quickly reaches out and catches him.

“Go in my room and climb into bed with Phoenix. Don't get out of that bed until I come back.” Keith orders Jason, his voice low and commanding. He places a hand against his brother's back and gently pushes him into the room. 

I lift the edge of the blankets, and Jason quickly dives under the covers. He crawls into my arms and curls up against my chest.

“If you hear me yell for you guys to run, I want you both to jump out the window. Run as fast as you can, and never look back. I'll find you,” Keith tells us firmly, and my tears fall.

Those are not the words that say everything is okay. Those are not the words of a man who thinks nothing is wrong.

Those words terrify me because it only confirms what I already feel in my gut.