Unrequited Love

~15 Years Ago~

My lungs feel like they're on fire, with each breath searing hot pain spreads through my chest. I can barely feel my legs; they've gone numb from exhaustion, threatening to buckle beneath me with each desperate stride, but I push myself harder. I force myself to run as fast as my battered body will allow. However, it isn't fast enough. I can hear them gaining on me, heavy footsteps, and paws crashing through the underbrush, closing the distance that I created in a futile attempt to escape. But I have to escape. I have to try. My body, heart, and mind can't take another day living like that.

I wish I had my wolf, but he hasn't come to me yet. I'd be so much faster; they wouldn't be closing the distance so quickly.

The branches tear at my skin as I race through the woods, leaving a trail of my blood and scent everywhere I turn. Sharp thorns snag at my flesh, creating new wounds to accompany my old ones, but it doesn't hurt anywhere near as badly as they hurt me. The physical pain is nothing compared to the memory of their touch, the sound of their laughter as they hurt me again and again.

One look at my naked body and you can see the hell I've been through. The scars on my body tell a story; they're a road map to the pain and torture I've endured. But no one cares. They never do. They only add to the roadmap. They leave their mark behind on my body, just as someone would carve their initials into a tree to let the world know they were once there.

My body only knows the touch of pain and the lick of a whip. I have no memory of a time when someone touched me with kindness. I don't know if they ever have. My first memory is pain, and now I'm trying to run from it.

There has to be something more in life than pain. There must be! I refuse to believe this is it. I refuse to believe this is all I'll ever know. Somewhere, there must be a place where people don't hurt each other, where bodies aren't used as objects for someone else's pleasure.

I knew no one would save me. I've always known it was up to me to save myself, so that's what I'm doing. I'm doing it now before it's too late. I'm doing it now in hopes of finding something better, something softer, something gentler than their harsh, rough touches. I'm doing it now before it's too late, and there's nothing left but death. Because that's what it felt like last night. That's what it felt like when the pack woke in the morning to find my severely beaten, mutilated, and raped body, naked and sprawled out in the yard for everyone to see. That's what it felt like when they used me for their entertainment and pleasure until I couldn't stay awake.

I felt something inside me break after the hell I endured last night. Something inside me shattered when I woke for those few brief moments, lying naked and bleeding in the front yard. I was cold, so cold I couldn't stop shivering. I was alone, and completely exposed, bleeding, broken, and the worst part was I could still feel their essence leaking from me, soaking the grass beneath my body. The shame was almost worse than the pain.

Last night I made a promise to myself. I promised I'd never give them another chance to do that to me. I promised myself that as soon as I could stand, I'd run and never look back. I promised myself that if it took giving my life trying to get away, I would, and I am. I'm running for my life, my bare, bloodied feet slapping against the forest floor as I race through it.

As soon as the sun began to set, I was finally strong enough to lift myself from the ground. I summoned what strength I had and ran into the woods when the coast was clear. I pushed myself harder than I ever have. I ran even though my body ached. I ran even though I didn't have the strength to do it. I ran even though I was starved and malnourished.

Somehow, I found the strength to run from this place. I ignored how naked I was, and I ignored the condition of my body, and I ran as fast as I could.

I run and drown out their voices, picturing a vast body of water I can dive into and cleanse myself. I can almost feel the cold water against my skin, against my burning, aching muscles that are begging me to stop and give them a break, but I can't. I must keep going. I have to keep going. I can't let them catch me; I can't go back.

I'd rather die.

I stumble when I suddenly break through the tree line, and I gasp when I nearly fall to my death. My toes plant firmly into the dirt, and my arms flail as I try to pull my upper body back.

I let out a breath of relief when I finally catch myself and stand up straight. My chest heaves as I stand at the edge of the cliff, looking down at the rocks and dry land several hundred feet below me. It's just my luck that this cliff doesn't have water at the bottom. I would have dived into it even though I don't have the slightest idea how to swim.

For a moment, I was mesmerized by its dangerous beauty, and for a moment, I couldn't pull my eyes away. Not until one of the men shouted, “He's over here!” and they changed direction to close in on me.

I turn, and my stomach drops when I see the men just inside the tree line, spread out in a line as far as I can see. All hope I had at finding the gentle touch I'd always dreamed of disappears right there, slipping through my fingers like sand.

I realize then that my fate is nothing more than a harsh, rough, painful touch, and I will never know the touch of a gentle hand. I will never know what it feels like to be loved or cared for, even just a little.

I realize this is it.

This is the end.

I'll never know my wolf.

I'll never grow into a man, and I'll never know freedom. I'll die at 15, just minutes before my 16th birthday, but at least they won't touch me again. At least they won't hurt me and violate my body ever again.

Alpha Jack raises his arms, and everyone behind him slows to a stop. His angry eyes settle on me. But then his eyes widen when he realizes what is right behind me, and he sees the decision I've already made in my eyes. Or at least I thought that was the reason they widened. I thought he saw my decision in my eyes, but it must be something else, because that couldn't be what made a strangled sound fall from his lips.

His eyes flicker as his wolf pushes forward, and I swear I see regret and pain in his eyes, but I know it's just my imagination. Jack is the main source of my pain, and no one has hurt me more than he has.

He has to be able to see the choice I've made. It would explain the shocked look on his face.

Right?

Well, Good! I want him to know I choose death over him and his men. I want him to know that I choose death so I don't have to feel his touch ever again.

“Get over here, boy! Walk away from that edge, and kneel!” Alpha Jack says firmly. I take a step back toward the edge, and his eyes widen further.

“NOW! Do as I say, boy! Don't even think about it! Get your ass over here and kneel!” He demands. But even though his voice sounds firm, I hear panic and fear behind it, and it confuses me.

I take another step back. I hear the gravel beneath my foot slide over the edge, letting me know just how close I am.

Panic rises in his eyes, and I almost find it comical. He looks concerned, but I'm not going to fall for it. I know he isn't. He simply doesn't want to lose his plaything. He took everything from me: my life, my freedom, and my innocence. I won't allow him to take anything else. He can't have me anymore.

He slowly holds his hands up to show he's no threat. Yeah, right.

“Listen,” He begins; his voice is much quieter and softer than it ever was. It trembles, which is even more confusing. “Just step away from that edge. Come to me, and I won't hurt you. I'll never hurt you again! I promise!

We'll go back, and I'll get you a nice big meal. I'll run you a warm bath and clean you myself. I. I'll put some warm, comfy clothes on you, and I'll hold you, and make it all better. I-I promise! Okay? That sounds good, right?” He says so softly, reaching a shaky hand out toward me.

My chest tightens. He sounds and looks so sincere. It's the first time anyone has ever spoken to me so kindly. I wish it was real. I wish what he promises was true, but I know better. I know what my fate will be if I step forward, and I know it will be a very long time before I can stand again, let alone walk.

I know once he gets his hands on me, he will beat me within an inch of my life, and I will regret not jumping from this cliff and dying a quick death.

Hot tears begin to blur my vision, and even though my chest shudders, I feel a sense of calmness wash over me.

I smile, and for a moment, it confuses him, but he quickly realizes what it means. I see fear spread across his face, but I ignore it. I won't fall for it. He only fears losing his toy. He doesn't care about me.

He never has, and he never will.

“Don't do it! Don't be foolish! Just come here. I promise I won't hurt you! I promise I'll never hurt you again! Please,” He begs as he stretches his shaking hands out further toward me.

“Y-y-you c-can't h-h-hurt me a-a-anymore!” My voice is rough, scratchy, and raw from vocal cords never used except for screaming.

I smile softly at him as I open my arms out to each side, palms facing him. A look of horror shoots across his face. I hear his blood-curdling scream as I take a shaky breath in, step back, and let myself begin falling backwards.

I had never heard such a painful scream before. Not even mine sounded that painful. It was a scream that came from deeper than his heart; it sounded like it came from his soul. He screamed as he ran for me, desperately trying to catch me. He's almost there. I can feel his presence looming over me, and his hand stretches further, fingertips brushing my skin.

I fall over the edge, and I swear he was going to follow me if his men hadn't stopped him. Their arms wrap around his waist, and others' hands fractally grab his limbs, catching his body that hovers over the cliff.

He screams again, the sound just as painful, and this time I know I see tears in his eyes as he watches me fall to my death, but I simply smile as I continue falling.

I should feel scared and utterly terrified, because there is nothing below to save me. No river, no lake, or pond, no water at all. The only thing below me is jagged rocks and dry, bare ground hundreds of feet below me.

I'm a werewolf, but even a werewolf can't survive this, even if they did have their wolf. This is it for me, and I know it, and I am strangely at peace with it.

I am at peace because I know no one will ever hurt me again.

I never feel my body hit the ground. One moment I am there, and the next I am gone, hurtled into the deepest, endless darkness…

I am finally free.