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Kabanata 15
"Aba, Olive! Kanina ka pa tulala d'yan 'Nak. May problema ba?"
I looked at Atlas mom. She was beside me and very busy. We are both busy doing our Noche Buena for later. She was chopping the meat while I was cutting some veggies. Atlas mom's seemed very happy that I felt guilty for feeling this way.
Itinigil ko ang ginagawa at ngumiti ako dito. "Wala naman, Mama. Nalulungkot lang po kasi ako dahil uuwi na kayo bukas. Tahimik na naman ang bahay," pagsisinungaling ko.
Itinigil nito ang ginagawa. "Naku! H'wag ka nang malungkot. Ayaw mo n'on, masosolo mo na ang anak ko
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WIFE SERIES: TEARS OF A WIFE Kabanata 16
Ilang sandaling namayani ang katahimikan sa pagitan namin ni Atlas. I looked at him intently while he was looking at me too. Pareho naming pinapakiramdaman ang bawat isa. Pareho kaming naghihintay kung sino ang unang magsasalita.My heart is aching but I need to be tough in front of him. I need to show him that I can live without him. Pagod na rin akong masaktan nang paulit-ulit. Pagod na rin akong umasa. At sa tingin ko, ito ang pinakamabuting desisyon na ginawa ko mula nang magsama kami."I'm sorry for caging you." My voice cracked but I still managed to walk back on him. Ngunit, nakakailang hakbang pa lang ako nang naramdaman kong hinawakan nito ang aking braso. Natigil ako sa ginagawa. Nilingon ko rin ito at tiningala. Nakakunot ang noo ko nang titigan ito."Is this about that attorney?" tanong ni Atlas.Umiling ako. "This is about us, Atlas. This is about you and me," matapang kong s
WIFE SERIES: TEARS OF A WIFE Kabanata 17
Napakatahimik ng gabi. Tanging mga hagulgol ko lang ang maririnig sa buong bahay. I am punching Atlas chest with my right hand while I am holding his shirt with my left hand. Hindi ko alam kong may lakas ba ang bawat hampas ko sa dibdib nito. Ang tanging alam ko lang gusto ko ring saktan si Atlas katulad ng sakit na pinaparanas niya sa akin sa loob ng sampung taon. For making me feel worthless.I cried my heart out. Hindi na ako nahiya kahit pa makita niya ang kahinaan ko na matagal ko nang tinatago. Kahit pa mawala ang poise ko sa harap nito. Ang alam ko lang, gusto kong umiyak nang umiyak dahil sa sakit at paghihirap na nararanasan ko simula nang magdesisyon akong mahalin si Atlas. Simula nang ipilit kong makasal kami.I am dying and hurting inside from the pain that only me can understand. It's unbearable for me but I am trying. Gusto kong sa pagkakataong ito ay may magawa naman akong pabor para sa sarili ko at para kay Atla
WIFE SERIES: TEARS OF A WIFE Kabanata 18
Ang sabi nila ang Bagong Taon daw ang pinakamasayang araw ng taon. Ito ang nagbubukas ng panibagong pag-asa at panibagong yugto sa buhay ng tao. Isang panibagong umaga at panibagong simula.Marahil ganoon nga para sa iba. Ngunit, para sa akin-normal na araw na lang ito. Normal na araw nang pag-iisa. Kaakibat ang lungkot at dalamhati na dala ko mula pa noong nakalipas na sampung taon ng buhay ko. Mula nang magmahal ako ng taong hindi ako mahal.It's been a week since I left. One week of being alone and miserable. One week of trying to heal my broken heart. One week of hiding and pretending to be fine. A week of thinking things and reflecting. But, things isn't that easy for me. The inevitable pain is still vivid that everytime I remember it, I can't help myself but cry in silence.I sighed and shook my head. Trying to forget the situation that I am in. It's New Year's eve and I am ready to go to church. Perhaps, it's the be
WIFE SERIES: TEARS OF A WIFE Kabanata 19
Halos hindi ko na marinig ang lahat ng ingay na nililikha nang sasakyan mula sa trapiko sa kahabaan ng EDSA. Halos hindi na rin ako makahinga sa antisipasyon na dulot nang pangyayari na naging dahilan kung bakit kami magkasama ni Daddy ngayon sa loob ng kaniyang sasakyan.My heart is beating wildly. Mas mabilis at mas malakas na hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong gagawin. I am out of words when my Dad asked me to go out with him. Mabilis akong nagbihis. Iniwan ko rin si Jenny sa unit na tulog. Nag-iwan lang ako ng note para sa kaniya. I know it's crazy trusting a person that you just met but my instinct is telling me to. The fact is- I can see myself to Jenny. The pain and suffering. We may have different sentiments but we are the same. We are wounded. We are wounded by the man that we love.Habang nasa byahe ay panay ang sulyap ko kay Dad. Naroon pa rin ang awra niyang galit ngunit alam kung pinipigilan niya ang sarili para na ri
WIFE SERIES: TEARS OF A WIFE Kabanata 20
I don't know what exactly happened after I lost consciousness. When I woke up, the familiar scent of the hospital greeted me. The white ceiling. The nurse. And the private doctor that my Dad hired for me. Everyone is watching my every move and sometimes it makes me feel awkward. Even my Dad cared for me too much that confused me even more. Until, they spilled the reason why.It's been a month since that day happened. Tandang-tanda ko pa ang mga katagang binitawan ng doktor para sa akin. The words made me feel happy but at the same time it hurts. It sent me so much emotions that I can't contain.I am pregnant.Buntis ako sa anak namin ni Atlas. Mahina ang kapit nito kaya kailangan ng dobleng pag-iingat. Kung hindi lamang naagapan ni Daddy at nadala ako kaagad sa hospital ay baka nawala na ito. Na baka tuluyan na akong hindi magkaanak dahil may nakita silang problema sa aking obaryo.I touch my belly as I re
WIFE SERIES: TEARS OF A WIFE Kabanata 21
Atlas intense gaze is piercing through me. Ramdam na ramdam ko iyon habang naglalakad ako papalapit sa couch na kinauupuan nito. Gayunpaman, pinilit kong lapitan ito kahit pa nanginginig ang aking mga tuhod. Maging ang aking mga paa ay pinilit ko lamang na maihakbang papunta sa kinaroroonan nito."In my office Mr. Ramirez," wika ko nang tuluyan akong makalapit dito.There is a lump in my throat but I managed not to stutter. I want him to see that I can face him without any confusion. Without any emotional attachment. That I can live without him. That I can face him in restraint."Follow me," dagdag ko pa.Mabilis kong tinalikuran si Atlas. Hindi ko na hinintay ang sagot nito. I abruptly continued my pace and walked straight to my office. Nakahinga kaagad ako ng maluwag nang makapasok sa loob at maupo sa aking swivel chair. I waited for Atlas to come in and in a few minutes he showed up. Naroon pa rin
WIFE SERIES: TEARS OF A WIFE Kabanata 22
It's been a week since Atlas visited my clinic. It's been a week since we talked about the annulment. Isang linggo na rin mula nang pirmahan niya ang annulment papers na ibinigay ko. Isang linggo na rin akong nakatambay lang sa bahay at tamad na magtrabaho.All is tiring for me. Maging ang aking mga kilos ay halatang walang lakas. It seemed like I am very tired to something I don't know. Seemed bored from all the things that is happening. Maybe, it is because I am pregnant. Or maybe, because I've been thinking too much about Atlas and the annulment case.Masyadong inuukupa ni Atlas ang buong sistema ko. Minsan naisip kong puntahan ito at kausapin tungkol na rin sa akusasyon nito sa akin. The restraining order for him is my Dad's idea. Tinanong at kinumpirma na iyon ni Dad. He insisted it is for my safety and I do understand.I sighed and looked around. I chose to stay in our greenhouse for more relaxing view. The rare plan
WIFE SERIES: TEARS OF A WIFE Kabanata 23
I am losing my will. The unbearable pain is killing my being. The sound of my cries and pleading is nothing compared to the silent scar within me.Deep and lasting scar that is always with me.My heart is hurting. My body is hurting.But, I want my baby to be fine. Kahit ang anak ko na lang. Huwag na ako.Halos maubusan ako ng ulirat sa ginagawa ni Trina sa akin. Ngunit, nangingibabaw pa rin ang kagustuhan kong makalayo at mailigtas ang anak ko. I prayed and hope that someone will find and help me. Kahit ngayon lang."Shit! Olive!"I heard Atlas screamed. But, I am too tired to even look around. Ni hindi ko na nga halos kayang ibuka ang aking mga mata. Basta't naramdaman ko na lang na natigil na ang pananakit ni Trina sa akin. Marahil napagod na ito? O marahil umalis na ito? Alin man sa dalawa hindi pa rin napapanatag ang loob ko.
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