The Morning After

Maya woke to Jess hovering over her bed.

"Explain. Everything. Now."

Maya squinted at the ceiling. Her phone said 6:47 AM. "It's too early."

"It's never too early for answers." Jess dropped onto the foot of the bed. "I barely slept. I kept replaying it. You stood up. You called him a performer. He came over. He asked your name. And then you just walked away like you hadn't detonated a bomb."

Maya pulled the blanket higher. "Can we talk after coffee?"

"I brought coffee." Jess produced a styrofoam cup. "Now talk."

Maya sat up slowly, taking the cup. Too sweet. Too milky. Exactly what she needed. She took a long sip.

Jess waited.

"There's nothing to explain," Maya finally said. "He asked a question. I answered."

"You answered by telling him his entire personality is fake."

"I said his confidence looked performed. There's a difference."

Jess stared. "Maya. Babe. Sweetie. You don't tell the most popular person on campus they're performing. That's like telling the sun it's too bright."

"The sun can handle it."

"But can I?" Jess pressed a hand to her chest. "I had a plan. A careful, multi-year plan to admire him from afar, never speak to him, and eventually get over it. Now he knows my name because of you, and he looked at me, and I actually spoke in front of everyone, and..." She broke off, laughing helplessly. "My plan is ruined."

"Sorry."

"No you're not." But Jess was smiling. "You're probably thinking you did me a favor."

"I think," Maya said carefully, "that you were amazing yesterday. You stood up in front of hundreds and made a better argument than the actual debaters. That wasn't about him. That was about you."

Jess's smile softened. For a moment, she looked almost vulnerable.

"You really think so?"

"I know so."

Jess was quiet for a beat. Then she launched herself at Maya in a hug that nearly spilled the coffee.

"You're the best roommate ever. I don't care that you're emotionally constipated. I'm keeping you."

Maya froze. The hug was warm. Tight. Overwhelming. She couldn't remember the last time someone had touched her like this. Without hesitation. Without expectation.

"Okay," she managed. "Coffee. Spilling."

Jess released her, grinning. "Right. Sorry. But this conversation isn't over. We still need to discuss the way he looked at you."

"He looked at me like I was annoying."

"No." Jess's voice shifted. More serious. "He looked at you like he couldn't look away. I've watched that man for two years. I know his faces. That was new."

Maya shook her head. "You're reading too much into it."

"Maya..."

"Jess." Maya met her eyes. "I'm not here for boys. I'm not here for drama. I'm here to get my degree and leave. That's it."

Something flickered in Jess's expression. Doubt. Concern. But she nodded.

"Okay. Fine. But if he shows up at our door with a boom box, I'm not turning him away."

"He won't show up."

"You don't know that."

"I do." Maya set the empty cup down. "Men like that don't chase. They wait for you to come to them."

Jess opened her mouth to respond.

A knock cut her off.

They both looked at the door.

"It's 7 AM," Jess said. "Who knocks at 7 AM?"

Another knock. Harder.

Maya's stomach tightened. The quad. The crowd. Idris's eyes on her as she walked away.

Jess bounced off the bed and crossed to the door. She pulled it open.

A girl stood in the hallway. Tall. Serious. Holding a folded piece of paper. She looked past Jess directly at Maya.

"You're Maya?"

Maya nodded slowly.

The girl walked past Jess like she wasn't there and held out the paper. "From Idris. He said to give you this."

Jess made a sound like a dying animal.

Maya took the paper. The girl left without another word, closing the door behind her.

"Open it." Jess was already behind her, trying to read over her shoulder. "Open it right now. What does it say? Is it a love letter? A threat? Both?"

Maya unfolded the paper.

Neat handwriting. Brief.

"You were right. I've been performing so long I forgot what honesty looks like. Show me.... Idris"

Below it, a time and place. Today. 3 PM. The library courtyard.

Jess grabbed the note from Maya's frozen fingers and read it herself.

"Oh my God." Her voice was barely a whisper. "Oh my God, Maya. He wants you to teach him honesty. That's... that's the most romantic thing I've ever seen."

"It's not romantic. It's weird."

"It's both." Jess thrust the note back at her. "You're going, right? Please say you're going. If you don't go, I'll never forgive you."

Maya looked at the words again. Show me.

She should throw it away. Ignore it. Pretend it never arrived. Go back to her plan of invisibility.

But the note was still in her hand. And somewhere beneath the fear, something else stirred.

Curiosity.

"What would I even say to him?" Maya asked.

Jess grabbed her shoulders. "The truth. Whatever you said yesterday that made him come find you. More of that."

"I don't even know what I said yesterday."

"Yes you do." Jess's grip tightened. "You looked at him—at all of them—and you saw through the performance. That's your superpower. Use it."

Maya stared at the note.

3 PM. Library courtyard.

"Fine," she heard herself say. "I'll go."

Jess screamed.

By 2:45, Maya had changed clothes three times.

Not that she cared. This wasn't a date. This was a conversation. An obligation. A chance to clarify what she'd said so he wouldn't keep seeking her out.

Jess sat on her bed, evaluating each outfit like a fashion judge.

"The blue one. It makes you look approachable but mysterious."

"I don't want to look approachable."

"Tough. You're meeting a man who wrote you a note. You're being approachable whether you like it or not." Jess tossed the blue shirt at her. "Wear this. And smile sometimes. It won't kill you."

Maya pulled the shirt on. In the mirror, she looked like herself. Guarded. Watchful. Ready to retreat.

Maybe that was enough.

The library courtyard was small. Hidden between older buildings. Shaded by a massive oak tree. Maya found it by following the signs, her heart beating harder than she wanted to admit.

He was already there.

Idris sat on a stone bench. No phone. No crowd. Just him, alone, watching the leaves shift in the breeze.

He looked up when she approached.

"You came."

"You asked."

A pause. Then he smiled. 

"I wasn't sure you would."

Maya didn't sit. "What is this, Idris?"

"You tell me. You're the one who saw through me."

"That's not an answer."

"No." He stood. 

"I guess I just wanted to talk to someone who doesn't want anything from me."

Maya studied him. The perfect jaw. The expensive shoes. The watch that probably cost more than her tuition. "You think I don't want anything?"

"I think you made that pretty clear yesterday."

"Maybe I want to be left alone. Maybe coming here interrupts that."

"Then why did you come?"

She didn't have an answer. Not one she'd admit.

Idris watched her. And for once, he wasn't performing. She could see it in the way his shoulders curved slightly forward. The way his hands stayed still at his sides instead of gesturing for effect.

"Sit down," he said. "Please. Just for a few minutes. If you still want to leave after, I won't stop you."

Maya looked at the bench. At him. At the leaves falling slowly around them.

She sat.

The silence stretched. 

"You were right," Idris finally said. "About the performing. I've been doing it so long I don't know who I am without an audience."

"Then find out."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that." Maya turned to look at him. "Stop talking to crowds. Stop charming rooms. Sit in silence and see what's left."

He met her eyes. "Is that what you do?"

"I don't have a crowd."

"Maybe that's why you're the only person here who seems real."

"You don't know me," she said. "I could be performing too."

"Are you?"

She thought about the walls. The careful distance. The way she'd learned to make herself small and unremarkable.

"Yes," she admitted. "But at least I know I'm doing it."

Idris laughed. A real laugh. Surprised out of him. "Fair enough."

They sat longer. The sun shifted through the leaves. Somewhere nearby, a door opened and closed.

"What do you want?" Maya asked eventually. "From this. From me."

Idris considered the question. "Honesty, I think. Just someone who'll tell me the truth, even when I don't want to hear it."

"And you think I'm that person?"

"I think you might be the only one on this campus who is."

Maya didn't know what to say to that. So she said nothing.

After a moment, Idris stood.

"Thank you for coming." He looked down at her. For once, nothing calculated in his expression. "Same time tomorrow?"

Maya should say no. Should walk away and never look back.

But something in his eyes,something that looked almost like loneliness,made her hesitate.

"I'll think about it."

He nodded like that was enough. 

He walked away, leaving her alone in the courtyard with the leaves and the silence and the terrifying possibility that she might come back tomorrow.

When Maya returned to the room, Jess pounced.

"WELL?"

Maya sat on her bed. "We talked."

"That's it? You talked?" Jess threw herself down beside her. "What did he say? What did you say? Did he confess his undying love?"

"He asked me to be honest with him."

Jess's eyes widened. "That's... actually really vulnerable. For him."

"I know."

"And?" Jess pressed. "What did you say?"

Maya thought about the loneliness in his eyes. The way he'd asked her to come back.

"I said I'd think about it."

Jess was quiet for a moment. Then she smiled. Soft and genuine.

"You like him. Just a little."

"No."

"Yes. Just a little. And that's okay." Jess leaned her head on Maya's shoulder. "You're allowed to like people, you know. It doesn't have to end badly."

Maya wanted to believe that.

She really did.