Chapter 2.2:

Parehas kaming nanlalaki ang mga mata sa gulat. Everyone shouted and applauded because they certainly saw the kiss!

Mabilis kong itinulak ang sarili palayo kay Rafael noong matauhan. Ngunit dahil nga mali ang salo niya sa akin, muntikan na naman akong matumba kaya't agad akong napahawak sa braso niya bilang suporta. Nagkatinginan kami ni Rafael, napalunok ako sa sobrang seryoso ng kaniyang mukha.

Impit akong napatili noong madali niya akong itinayo. Our bodies are close to each other because I was literally hugging him and his arms are wrapped around my waist to support my weight. Napatitig muli ako sa kaniya. It was like I was seeing a whole storm in his eyes while he's staring at me. Noong kumurap siya ay saka lang muli ako natauhan at lumayo na sa kaniya.

I fixed my hair after and cleared my throat. Nararamdaman ko ang pamumula ng aking pisngi dahil sa init niyon.

My first kiss!

"W-Wow, uhm, settle down. Settle down."

Sinubukang pakalmahin ni Ma'am ang mga kaklase ko dahil nagwawala talaga sila. Naghahampasan at nagtatalunan pa!

One of my girl classmates shouted, "Sana all!"

"Nakuhanan ko! Hahaha!"

"Kinikilig ako! Bakit! Bakit!?"

"Papa Raf-Raf, pa kiss din!"

"Enough, settle down now," Ma'am Dessie tried again. Buti na lang at unti-unting sumunod ang mga kaklase ko at nag kanya-kanyang ayos ng upo. "Let's all give a round of applause for Siorse and Rafael!"

They applauded and even whistled. Napayuko na lang ako dahil nahihiya pa rin.

"Siorse and Rafael." Tawag sa amin ni Ma'am. Nakita ko pa sa gilid ng aking paningin ang paglingon sa akin ni Rafael ngunit hindi ko siya binalingan ng tingin. Ma'am Dessie smiled at us. "Thank you for your participation. Give me your folders tomorrow for the stamp. You can now take your seats."

Tumango lang ako at tahimik na naglakad papunta sa upuan ako. Hindi ko pinansin ang mga nang-aasar kong kaklase at nakatungong umupo na lang.

"Sana all," malademonyong bulong sa akin ni Rein. "Anong feeling? Masarap ba?"

I bit my lower lip when Rafael finally passed past me. Sobra-sobra ang pagkabog ng puso ko. At... at bakit nararamdaman ko pa rin ang labi niya sa akin!?

"See you tomorrow," ani Ma'am pagkatapos mag bigay ng assignment.

Noong tuluyan nang nakaalis si Ma'am, mabilis akong tumayo para mag-cr. Sunod-sunod ang kantyawan at iniharang ko ang dalawang kamay ko sa aking tenga sa tilian nila. Nangunguna pa si Rein!

"Sebi, aksidente lang 'yon!" Hinarap ko ang salamin habang kinakausap ang sarili. "Pero paano kung sinadya niya? Paano kung, paano kung may gusto pala siya sa akin!? T-Tapos chancing siya!?"

I groaned and washed my face again to calm myself. Kumuha ako ng tissue para punasan ang mukha ko. I looked flushed! Para akong isinubsob sa kamatis siguro kanina!

"Kiss lang 'yon, Sebi…" I continued as I throw the used tissue. "Kiss lang..."

Pero, first kiss ko 'yon...

Gusto kong maiyak! I’ve vividly imagined my very first kiss. I may not be a fan of romance in reality but I am not bitter to not hope for something romantic!

"Nanay mo!" gulat kong sapo sa dibdib ko noong pagbukas ko ng pinto ay bumungad sa akin si Rafael na nakasandal sa pader.

His eyebrows furrowed. "Nanay ko?"

I glared at him and slammed the door closed.

"Ano? Sinusundan mo na ako ngayon?" inis kong sabi at nilampasan na siya.

"Sebi!" Habol niya at agad na nahagip ang braso ko.

"Ano!?" inis kong binaklas ang kapit niya sa akin. "Walanghiya ka, bakit mo tinotoo yung kiss!?"

"It was an accident, okay? Nagulat din ako!"

"Bakit ba hindi mo hinigpitan ang kapit!?"

He averted his gaze and gulped. "You might get hurt."

"Huh? Hindi mo sinunod ang plano!"

"I did, Sebi," aniya. "Nadulas yung kapit ko. Hindi ko talaga sinasadya."

"Baka naman sinadya mo talaga? Gago ka kasi!" I hissed. "Nakakainis! Palibhasa, puro kalokohan 'yang nasa isipan mo!"

Natigilan siya, dahilan para matigilan din ako. Nakagat ko ang ibabang labi ko dahil sa guilt na naramdaman.

He sighed and took a step back. He looked at me darkly, provoked about what I said.

"I would never kiss you without your consent, Siorse," Rafael said. "It was really an accident. I could never disrespect you. I'm sorry about what happened. Pasensya na."

Ngumuso ako at tumungo. Although guilty for my accusation, I’m still pissed about what happened. He sighed again and grunted.

"Was it your first kiss?"

I instantly scowled at him. "Bakit kailangan mo pang itanong!?"

"Was it?" he asked again, a ghost of a smile is already lingering on his lips. "It was."

“Shut up!”

"I'm sorry. It was really an accident. You slipped."

"Oo na nga! Bakit ba sumunod ka? Lalo tayong aasarin!"

He shrugged his shoulders and casually said, "I don't mind."

"I care!" inis kong wika. "Bumalik ka na nga. Wag mo sabihing sasabay ka pa sa akin?"

"Bagay daw kasi tayo, kaya tayo inaasar."

"Tuwang-tuwa ka naman."

"As if," he scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Feeling."

"Manguna ka na!"

"Alright, babe," he chuckled. "Damn hot as always. Araw ka ba?"

"Rafael!"

Tatawa-tawa na siyang nanguna sa paglalakad. Pinaypayan ko ang sarili sa banas at inis ko para sa kaniya.

That kiss marked a history. Tila mga nakaukit na sa bawat utak ng mga kaklase ko. Tuwing may nakakabanggit ng salitang halik o kiss, automatic na magkakagulo ang lahat at aasarin kami. Hanggang sa natutunan ko na ring masanay at hindi iyon pansinin.

"Sebi naman, ang baba!" Mama slammed my report card on the table. Napaigtad ako sa gulat. "Hindi iyan papasa! Ilang beses ko bang uulitin!?"

Pinigilan ko ang sariling maluha habang naghahanap ng tamang salitang sasabihin para hindi na siya magalit. I failed to reach her expectations again, even though I already exceeded my best. Even though I think I offered my best. Kulang na naman.

"I'm sorry, Ma," wika ko na lang.

"Paano na ang scholarship mo kung sakali? Alam mo naman ang usapan natin ni konsehal!"

"Sinubukan ko naman, Ma..."

"Hindi mo sinagad ang pagsubok mo kung ganoon!"

Pumikit ako nang mariin. Pinipigilan ang sariling sumagot at magsalita na sigurado akong lalong hindi niya magugustahan.

"Pagbubutihan ko po sa susunod."

My heart ached at the mention of the same old words that I have been repeating ever since my mom exceeded her expectations for me. Even though I understand where she was coming from, it still hurts to receive her dissatisfaction.

Tumalikod na si Mama at umakyat na sa kwarto niya. Mabilis na nagpatakan ang mga luha ko at agad ko naman iyong pinunasan. I won't let her see that I'm crying or she might shout at me again for being weak. Tuloy-tuloy ang pagluha ko. Pinipigilan ko rin ang paghikbi sa pamamagitan ng pag buntonghininga. Ngunit masyadong masakit.

Tumakbo ako palabas ng bahay. I made sure to cover my face so our neighbors won't see my state.

Tumakbo ako kung saan ako laging pumupunta noon kasama si Papa. The rock formations that served as a barricade only changed a bit. Overall, it still looked the same. I climbed so I can pass through. Tinalon ko ang taas at bumagsak sa buhanginan. The sound of the wave crashing to the shore soothe my raging feelings a little. Ang init sa dapit hapon ay dumadapo sa sensitibo kong balat. Ngunit wala akong pakialam. Umupo ako sa buhanginan malapit sa dalampasigan at umubob sa aking tuhod. Saka ako umiyak.

I was 5 when Papa left us. I witnessed how my mother begged, pregnant with my little sister. Nonetheless, he chose to rip her heart and ours. Left us for another woman and for the wealth he'll receive from her.

Seira, my little sister, never got the chance to meet him. Dahil umalis si Papa nang hindi pa siya ipinapanganak.

My heart got broken on a young age. Watching my mother mourn for her broken love. She had to work during her pregnancy so we could survive. She was a secretary in a well-known company, but had to resign because she couldn't attend to it anymore because of us.

She was left all alone to get us through the living. My grandparents from her side disowned her since she got pregnant on the age of 17 with me. She was a disgrace for them. Although financially stable, they never extented any help when my mother asked for it. My grandparents from my father's side, they're in a province. Sa kabundukan sila naninirahan at hirap din sa buhay. Itinakwil nila si Papa at hindi na tinanggap ang tulong nito noong malaman ang ginawa sa sarili niyang pamilya. Kahit hirap na rin sila sa pera, gumawa pa rin sila ng paraan para tulungan kami.

My mother changed as the years passed by. She was never like this to me. My academic performance before was never pressured as it is now. Sadly, I am striving to be better so I wouldn’t fail her. The essence of education was a lighter grip to me.

The sound of the approaching steps caused me to look behind where I am hearing it. My mouth went agape when I saw who it was. Dire-diretso lang siyang umupo sa tabi ko, hindi ako nilingon kahit halos dumikit na ang mata ko sa kaniya dahil pinapanood siya. Mabilis kong pinahiran ang mga luha ko sa kahihiyan kahit alam kong nakita niya na iyon.

"A-Anong ginagawa mo rito?"

"I've been watching you for an hour now. I was here first."

"Huh?" gulat kong sambit. Hindi ko siya napansin!

He smiled at me. "Don't worry. I just approached you because I can't stand seeing you cry."

Napapikit ako noong aksidenteng malagyan ng dumi mula sa aking kamay ang aking mata. Mabilis siyang napalingon sa akin noong mapansin iyon.

"Let me."

"H-Hipan mo!"

"Wait."

He stretched the side of my left eye gently and tried to open it. Napapapikit pa ako dahil masakit ang danggi ng dumi. Bahagya akong nagulat noong hipanan na niya ang mata ko! Kinusot ko ito ngunit hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at pinigilan.

"Don't rub it."

He massaged my left eye gently until it felt okay again to open my eyes. I awkwardly gave him a small smile for acknowledgement and he just nodded his head before watching the waves again.

"Thank you."

"Do you feel fine now?"

Ngumiti ako. "Medyo."

"You can still cry. Sasamahan lang kita para hindi mo maramdamang mag-isa ka lang," he muttered slowly.

I just heaved a deep sigh and watched the sun, slowly caressing the sea. Napangiti ako sa ganda ng langit. I reached for it using my hand while my other hand supported my weight from the back.

"Sobrang ganda," I hushed.

Nanatili siyang tahimik at hindi umimik. Napangiti ako dahil doon. I don’t know why I felt consoled with his silence. My heart slowly calmed down.

“Alam mo ba, ang paborito kong panoorin ay ang paglubog ng araw. I can't help but watch its divine creation,” I uttered my admiration and tilted my head for a better view. “Hmm, imagine it as God’s palette. Extremely exceptional, creative, continuously altering, and full of gleam. The radiant sun, a pleasing circle in the bloodstained sky, vibrantly illuminating a pathway across the water. It submerged the sea's submissive waves and the delicate clouds in scorching red.”

“The sacred moment between life and death,” he muttered slowly.

Napalingon ako sa kaniya. May maliit na ngiti sa labi.

“What do you mean?”

“Those incredible colors, as the day comes to an end, evokes all the metaphors. In instance, life can cease beautifully in exchanged of death. Thus, sunsets are the glimpse of how it would feel like. It has the symbolic meaning of something reaching to its finale. Where there is grief that comes along with such a bittersweet ending.” He exhaled. “Henceforth, death is the gateway to rebirth and sunset is the promise of renewal.”

“That's too deep," I snorted.

"You started it."

Muli akong lumingon sa unahan at ngumiti. "Are you scared of death?"

“Are you?”

“Honestly, I'm not.” I let out a faint smile. "Mas nakakatakot mabuhay kaysa mamatay. Dahil habang nabubuhay ka, marami kang sasalubungin na problema. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang harapin ang mga iyon." 

“You shouldn’t see death as an alternative to escape from reality though,” he firmly said.

I snickered. “I don’t escape. I live with it.”

“Good." He nodded. "Allow me to accompany you, then.”

“Really?” natatawa akong sambit. “Rafael Alfonzo, accompanying me in my everyday life, that’s surprising.”

He chuckled and suddenly stood up. Napatingala tuloy ako sa kaniya. I watched how the wind blew his hair and it got disheveled, causing him to reach for it with his hands and fix it. Pinagpagan niya rin ang kaniyang pang-upo dahil sa mga dumikit na buhangin dito. Pagkatapos ay lumingon na sa akin at biglang inilahad ang kamay.

“So?” He lifted his eyebrows, hinahamon ako.

Natatawa akong napailing at dahan-dahang inabot ang kamay niya. He immediately gripped on it carefully, the warm sensation of his hand brought a quivering sensitivity inside my stomach. I tugged his hand and he pulled me to help me stand up. Bahagyang nagkalapit ang katawan namin at agad na nagkasalubong ang mga mata. His tender eyes made my heart skipped a beat. Lumunok ako at lumayo na sa kaniya saka binitawan ang kaniyang kamay.

Bigla niyang hinubad ang hoodie na suot at inabot sa akin. Wala sa sarili ko itong tinanggap sa pag-aakalang pinapahawakan niya. Napansin niya yata ang kalituhan ko kaya kinuha niya muli ito sa akin, binuklat, at biglang ipinasok sa ulo ko.

“It’s already cold.”

“I-Ikaw?”

“I’m fine. Let’s go, ihahatid na kita sa inyo.”

Umiling ako. “Ayos lang, may tricycle pa naman siguro sa labas.”

“Gabi na at madilim. Ihahatid na kita,” aniya. Wala na rin akong nagawa at tumango na lang.

I don’t know how it started. All I can remember is the tranquil feeling of being with him near the shore. When the sun sets, I was able to see through him as he also is to me. Hindi ko na namalayan na binabalik-balikan ko na pala. Hanggang sa unti-unti na akong nasanay. Hanggang sa lagi ko na siyang hinahanap-hanap.