Chapter One

It’s been a while since I left home to enjoy a movie or simply take pictures at the mall. Ethan says I wouldn’t even be able to prostitute myself on the street, since no man would want such a thin woman with such an ugly body. At first, I believed he said it just to try to attack me when we fought, who does not speak shit at the time of anger?! But now I realize that he really thinks these things and it makes me want to die, I wanted to be good enough for his love.

I know it seems like I protect him, even after the assaults, but he was once a good man. At first he helped me with the lack of money and my problem with self-esteem, this should count as something good. I fell in love as soon as I looked into his beautiful green eyes, his black shoulder-length hair enchanted me, the pose he had was confident and quite attractive, his skin was so white that when I smiled at him I could notice the red coloring on his cheeks.

In high school, I suffered a lot of racism, since I was the only black child with a scholarship. I remember that once I spent an hour in the bath rubbing myself in an attempt to get clearer, after I saw that it did not work, I cried in my mother’s lap asking why God made me so, I just want to be like the other children.

My mother, she... It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her or talked to her, the last time we saw each other she hit Ethan in the face, he got very angry and since then says he’s protecting me from her outbursts of anger, but my mother is not like that, she never hit anyone, but I also do not judge him, Being called a slut is nothing good to hear, I even tried to defend her from him, but it was no use.

My life may not be the best, but at least I do not starve or live on the street, the only thing I need to do is please Ethan, since I do not work outside, is my obligation as a housewife.

.......

I stir the soup in circular motions, careful not to spill a drop on the stove, Ethan likes everything clean, so I always take my spare time to clean everything. After a few minutes, I turn off the stove and seeming to guess, Ethan appears in the kitchen with his face closed and sits at the table, waiting for me to serve him. I put a generous amount of soup on the deep plate and put it in front of him.

- I hope you like it, love.

In return I get only a nod, so start drinking the soup without even looking at me. He may seem tough, but in the beginning of our relationship was an incurable romantic, living surprising me with flowers and gifts. I miss that time, nowadays he hardly looks for me to have sex, and when he looks for me he only cares about his own pleasure and turns to sleep.

- Jack told me he saw you wandering down the street today. I said I don’t want you on the street, it’s too dangerous and you know it.

I sigh and nod trying to convince myself that he is just protecting me, the streets are increasingly dangerous for women, especially black women.

- I know, I’m sorry.

I lower my head and turn my attention to my plate. As soon as we both finish dinner, I get up from the chair and do all the dishes, I take advantage and tidy the kitchen too. As soon as I finish, I lean on the counter for a few minutes seeking courage to talk to him, I always have to know how to approach Ethan, or else we will have another fight and the last marks are still fresh on my arm. After gathering all the determination I have, I go towards the room and see him getting ready to sleep, he is already in his pajamas every night. I approach him and sit next to him a little reluctantly in fear of his reaction. Usually when contradicted he gets very aggressive.

- I was thinking about buying some clothes tomorrow, in the afternoon. Winter is coming and my socks are pierced.

I force a friendly smile to try to tame the beast. I get a cold look and a tremor goes through my body. It’s never good when he looks at me like that.

I’ve told you a thousand times, I don’t want you leaving the house, Kate. We have everything we need here and if I don’t buy it myself, you don’t lack anything.

Ethan is so angry that I can see in his eyes how much he’d like to break up with me right now. I take a deep breath and run my hands through your hair.

— But I’m in need of clothes and I swear I’ll go in the afternoon. The streets are not dangerous at this time and there are many people walking, no one will try anything with me.

I try to make him see that this protection is totally ridiculous, I know how to take care of myself very well and in the afternoon the streets are safer.

Subject closed, you’re not going anywhere.