Chapter Two

Ethan lies in bed and ignores me, as he always does. I take a deep breath again trying falsely to stay calm, but I’m tired of it all. The anger makes me totally uncontrolled to the point of making me have the courage to face it, which I never did out of fear. Even though it is not a good idea, deep down a voice tells me that I should have faced it long ago.

— Tomorrow I will buy clothes and there is nothing you say that will stop me! I am a woman and I can go wherever I want and whenever I want, I get tired of you holding me at home.

I speak with determination and cross my arms under my breasts, tired of being treated worse than dog. The man gets up from the bed and comes at me with wide steps. I widen my eyes and try to run when I realize what he will do, but I am pulled by my hair hard and my body falls to the ground. I try to get rid of the squeezing thrashing and ignoring the strong pain in my scalp, but the first slap catches me by surprise and makes one side of my face burn. The scratch as much as possible, but this seems to make him more angry, he throws slaps and more slaps and as soon as he gets tired, starts kicking me.

I cry for help several times, but as always no one comes to save me. Tears roll down my burning face and sobs come from my lips. I give up trying to struggle and stay quiet in the fetal position feeling the kicks and slaps all over my body, just wishing to disappear or die soon. What have I done with my own life? That’s not life, it’s hell.

When he stops feeling my whole body ache like I’ve been hit by a car, I drag myself close to the dresser and Ethan comes after me with a smile on his face, it was always like that, always that same disgusting smile.

— Kate, Kate, Kate... always so stubborn, you know I hate to discipline you, but you like to challenge me. Everything I do is for your good, love. You know that, but now it seems you’ve forgotten. No one will ever love you like I do, there will never be a better man for you than me.

His words hurt me more than the beating, he is right, no other man will want me, I was never very attractive and during those years I feel that I got even worse, I’m not beautiful enough. I drag myself away from him, my whole body throbs, but I stop only when I feel the chest of drawers against my back.

- I hate you Ethan! Damn the day I met you.

The monster approaches with even more anger and this time I feel that he is able to kill me. When he’s about to pull me by the arm, I take the lamp from the dresser and hit his head hard. Ethan’s body hits the corner of the bed and falls to the floor. A pool of blood quickly forms and I muffle a scream with my hand, crawl to it and check if it is breathing, to my relief he is, do not want to be responsible for someone’s death, I would never forgive myself.

I sit on the bed and stare at his body unconscious on the floor. I’m thinking about calling an ambulance, but I don’t want to be arrested for attempted murder or anything, as much as I’m hurt, that’s his word against mine. If Ethan wakes up, what will he do to me? Would he forgive me? Who I’m trying to fool, if he wakes up and sees me here, who dies is me. Despair starts to take over my body and I run towards the wardrobe. I need to get away before he wakes up.

I take my suitcase and put all my few clothes inside, without worrying about folding or organizing, I don’t have time for that. My hands tremble and my breathing is completely unregulated, I feel that I can faint at any time, not to mention the pain I feel in my body.

I collect my things in the bathroom sink and look at my reflection in the mirror. For years I thought I was a beautiful woman, my hair is afro in a strong shade of black, my skin is black and I love her so, my body was already beautiful, before the bruises and weight lost by the nights he left me without eating. One of the things I love most about me is my black coal eyes, my lips are full and I remember how much Ethan loved them.

I swallow the crying and focus on getting out of here safe. To leave, I need money, but I haven’t worked for years, and the one who always kept the money was Ethan. I stop for a few seconds and remember where he kept the money, Ethan never trusted banks due to taxes. Limping back to the room and lifting the mattress, I smile in relief to see that the envelope of money is still here.