I catch him without thinking twice and leave the room. To prevent lock the door, will know if he wakes up and I’m still here. I pull my suitcase to the exit and get out as soon as possible of this house that only behind bad memories. I take an Uber to the bus station further away, when I get to my destination, some people stare at me curious, the pain of blows, I can walk just limping and yet my ribs scream. I see that the bus bound for Canada has arrived and buy a ticket to Toronto, is a big city and far from New York. I hope I can survive in a completely unknown country.
*FOUR MONTHS LATER* I’ve been in Canada for four months now and to be honest, the experience has been horrible. Once I got my work visa, which fortunately took only three months to leave, I got a job as a waitress, but I did not stay long, since the owner decided to retire and travel the world. I was lucky to get my visa that fast, but it helped the country to be short of workers, since the retirement rate is increasing and I have a very vast resume, I have lived in the United States my whole life was undoubtedly a decisive factor. Since I lost my job two weeks ago, I’m unemployed and immigration is already getting on my back, besides my money is almost over, I live in a mess in the motherfucking and to make matters worse, people are always looking at me crooked, researches say that for an immigrant to be fully included in society takes about five years, meanwhile I fuck to adapt. I’m feeling in an episode of Mickey, in which he has to separate a slice of bread and beans for three people, but in this case it’s for me and for two more worms that live in my belly. It may seem like I’m making a joke, but my life just isn’t as bad as before. I had to wake up at seven in the morning to go pay the energy bill that is late and the streets of Toronto at these hours is hell, so I took twice the time I would take in a smaller city.My legs are already aching from walking, but I can not stop, my apartment is so far yet... I cross the red light and go across the street. I hum a random Harry Styles song while walking the busy streets, looking at people I’ll probably never see again in life, I often find myself traveling about it, as we never know what will happen to people after we pass them, I may be the last person to see her alive and I’ll never know. As if it were a complaint from the universe, I almost fall when something hits my face and blocks my vision. I pass my hand to clear my vision and see a newspaper.- Amazing how these things only happen to me. I talk to myself and I feel looks in my back, probably think I’m schizophrenic. Snitch losing the rest of my patience and when I’m gonna smash it, I see it’s open in a classified. I quickly get interested and start reading the almost microscopic letters. A per-app car company is hiring someone to clean one of the floors.This is my chance, I can’t miss this opportunity that literally fell from the sky. I’m still on my way to my apartment, I don’t even feel tired anymore, I just want to get home and call that company to schedule my job interview. Being Cleaner is not a dream job, but at least it will help me not go hungry, there is nothing worse than being hungry and not having anything to eat. When I arrive in my apartment sigh of relief and open the door with my key, so I put my feet inside lock the door and throw my shoes in the air, without worrying about the organization. I spent three years of my life as Cinderella, now I only clean up once a week and look there. I try not to think as much as possible about everything I’ve been through, but sometimes I still have nightmares and find myself thinking about how I’ve been able to put up with it for so long, From what I’ve read, this kind of man makes us women believe that we’re always wrong and that that’s having a real relationship, which is completely wrong.It is not love if it hurts and that love hurt me both physically and mentally. For years I thought that he loved me and that I loved him, that he was just like that, because I made him like this, because I irritated him deeply, but now I see that I did nothing, I only asked for five minutes alone and an hour away from home, but he believed that he owned me and that he had the right to keep me at home, just to do everything he wanted.Saturday is usually the best day of the week for me. I can do nothing, watch a movie, sleep and eat. This Saturday I decided not to eat candy, since I threw myself in the sweets yesterday, but what could I do? I was caring for my inner child and children do not care about healthy eating.I sit at my small dining table with my bread and milk with warm chocolate milk, there is no better breakfast than this, it gives even a satisfaction to feel the bread and milk in your mouth at the same time. While as I watch the morning news, most of the news is sad, but it’s always good to stay informed of things that happen in the city I live in, especially living in Toronto which is a huge city.I’m taken from my first relaxing moment in the morning with my phone ringing. I think about not answering, since I think it’s fucking rude to call people in the morning, they do not know that this is a sacred time and deserves respect? But when I see that it is Anastasia, I think it is better to answer, I r
I run to the shooting booth and stop in front seeing some people shooting at the targets to win the gifts, some children are around looking amazed at a game that practically only serves to get money, since many people have a bad shot. The toy is beautiful and bright, the counter is worn, but in compensation the targets are well maintained, they must be changed every month. The targets are colorful fish made with wood, they are so cute that it makes you want to take it home. I look at the corner of the tent and the gentleman behind the counter looks grumpy, since he does not open a smile.Cassian stops by my side and crosses her arms looking at people playing. I fake a false cough to attract his attention and when I can I put my hands behind my back smiling. The time has come to twist the truth.— Alison has great aim. Once we went to an amusement park and stayed for hours at target shooting, we left there with so many gifts that on the way we even gave some to the children, they were
The week passed quickly, as always. The days for me are the same, my life has become a fucking routine, so when it finally comes Friday night I just want to throw myself in bed and cry myself to sleep. It’s hard to try to find yourself again after so much time lost inside myself, after being trapped in a world where no woman should stay. It’s so dark and scary...The worst thing is that for years I thought I was guilty of everything, that my attitudes led me to live that way, I had no one to help me. I moved away from my friends and my parents, I had nothing and no one, it was just me and Ethan, but in fact it was always me and me.I wipe my tears and try to push away those thoughts that only give me trigger. I hear my phone beeping and I remember I have an appointment with Cassian. Damn mouth that only brings me confusion and trouble, if I had stayed silent I would not have to lie to him again. I hate lies, but they are now part of my life. I unlock the phone screen and see the notif
Today the day started complicated, when I was leaving home my shoe spoiled and I remembered that I did not take the clothes from the clothesline. Detail, it snowed all night and the clothes didn’t dry properly, missing having a dryer. I wore a very warm outfit and went to work, but the subway was closed due to bad weather, so unfortunately I had to go to work by taxi...........Now I’m rubbing the bathroom floor with my hands freezing. I’ve cleaned the hallway and the boss’s room, at least that. It’s past eleven o'clock and now is lunch time, I have to finish the bathroom before, I still have to dust the hallway, after doing this I will be free and just need to pretend I’m working until one in the afternoon.After half an hour of fighting, I finish the bathroom. I rub my hands on each other and try to put on warm gloves, sigh in approval and sit in the vent for a few moments, my legs are aching from kneeling to scrub the floor. When I feel that my legs are no longer hurting, I get up
After a troubled conversation with Cassian, I leave the room and Tásia waits for me with both hazelnut eyes very attentive. She looks like my neighbor, the owner Marta is so gossip, that if doubt she knows a gossip before it happens.- How was it? He fired you?She asks with palpable distress in her voice, almost smiling at her concern.- No, I begged him to stay, I think he took pity on me.I lie to my face and almost feel my nose grow.- You have no idea the relief I’m feeling, this company is not the same without you.Tásia smiles and I reciprocate. I approach her and hug her, I feel like Judas himself now, but I need to enjoy while I still have her friendship. Anastasia’s hug is so warm, it feels like the hug my mother gave me when I was little. I feel welcomed in it.- Now I need to leave, I’ll go back to work tomorrow.I talk after I get away from the warm hug.- All right. See you tomorrow, see if you can take my calls.Her eyes get serious, but I know she only cares about me.
About a week later...I never liked Monday, it was always the most tiring and boring day of the week, but this Monday I can say it’s the worst of my life, I felt bad for missing the service last week, but I’m already feeling terrible for so many things.This morning I decided to stop having ice cream, since in seven days I ate six pots, perhaps this is a little worrying. Now I’ll just stay in the brigadeiro, it may not be healthy, but at least I gave a diverse menu.Tásia tried to call me a few times, but I ignored how I was doing, I ignored the messages too, which have already passed three hundred, apparently she has plenty of time when the work ends. The company called me too, but I did not see it, since I did not even get the right phone. I even thought about returning, but gave up as soon as I dialed the number.I’m gonna shove another brigadeiro spoon in my mouth while I watch Chris Evans shirtless on TV. God forgive me, but damn it, what a hot man, I could stare for hours withou