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Chapter 3
I sat on the edge of a river with my feet in the water. A waterfall was directly in front of me dumping water into this river that runs thru a peaceful forest in my head. This is where I go. Sitting by the water watching it flow down past me carrying sticks and debris. I can see fish swimming past and I wish that I had a fishing poll with me. Its peaceful in this place, and I love it here.
Suddenly the sound of the waterfall becomes louder and louder. It transformed to the sound of a shower running. Confusion fills my head, and I don’t like the fact that I am having to leave this peaceful place. Slowly my eyes adjust to my surroundings. I see the dirty peeling paint on the ceiling, and it takes me a few minutes to realize that I’m back in the hotel room with Mark. I lay in bed naked and covered in sweat. I move and immediately shrike back with pain. My body hurts and I feel like shit. The taste in my mouth is a mix of alcohol and dick and it makes my stomach turn. Mark was now in the shower washing off after having his fun with my body. I don’t want to be here when he gets out, so I force myself up out of the bed and start blindly and franticly grabbed my clothes and putting myself back together. I stop when I see my reflection in the mirror. The person looking back at me is unrecognizable. I try my best to straightened out my hair and then rummaged through the room looking for my shoes. Shaking, I pull at the blankets franticly looking for my belongings. I hear the shower turn off and I quietly move toward the front door. I stumble and fall on my knees as soon as I get out of the door. Stopping for a minute to wait as the pain of the concrete on my knees passes, I calm myself as much as I can. Slowly getting up I make my way back to the car that my husband was patiently waiting in. I get in and with shacking hands I manage to put my seat belt on.
My husband did not say a single word to me on the way home. He drove, keeping his eyes straight ahead with an emotionless face. I was still in a daze. Half in shock and half still drunk from the alcohol. Part of me wanting to cry and part of me wanted to sleep. The drive home in silence made it impossible to stay out of my own head. What the hell is going on? How did I become this person who goes to hotel rooms and has sex with a stranger because their husband tells me too? I used to be a strong person, but that strength was gone. We pulled up to our apartment and my husband got out and started walking toward the entrance leaving me sitting in the car. Anger washed over me as I watched him walk away. How could the father of my child do this to me? I was supposed to be loved and protected, instead I was used. I was fuming by the time I got out of the car and reached our door. I entered our little apartment and hung my purse on the hook that was next to the front door. I turned around to look at my husband. I wanted to tell him I was done. I wanted to tell him I was leaving. I have had enough, and this was the last time he would abuse me. I looked him in the eyes, ready to hold my ground. I knew in an instant that I had made a terrible mistake as I realized what was coming next.
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