Calla's POV
I watched through the glass door of my office as James stood across from Julie's office which had a good sight as it was opposite to mine. He held a can of soda. He head turned to my direction,he waves at me and I smiled in return. Julie's yellow jacket stood out at the corner of my eyes, distracting. She was backing my office and I couldn't stop looking back in their direction. She had a key holder on her hand which she dwindles carelessly while her hands moved scattered around, describing whatever it was they were talking about. Julie was fond of that. Whatever they were talking about,if was thrilling for her. Even though I couldn't see her face,I could tell a big smile was spread from both of her ears. The first time I noticed was when I came to Halt Fashion as an intern five years ago. I began my job as a Vogue writer for fashion trends,but she eventually promoted me to become one of the creatives,when she came across my drawing book. Her creative vision has since changed my life and became a backbone of this business to thrive. I looked back on the drawings on the table as I arranged colours for color readjustments and every time I looked up,there he was, standing beside her. He always looked back,almost like he was expecting me to look ,It had become an unspoken rule between us. Staring with out saying much. During lunch,I took to the roof to get some fresh air. I stood by the balcony as my eyes wonders down the road. The street was quiet, nothing interesting ever happens in this side of town. I sat by a platform, taking up the view. I turned back only to see James walking over to me. He sat beside me and opened a can of soda, similar to the one he held earlier. He pulled out a box of cigarettes and lit it up. He offered it to me and I shared my head in disgust. "You know,that stuffs gonna kill you" I said turning back to face another direction as the smoke inhaled into my lungs. He shrugged and smirked. I stood up and moved to the edge of the balcony again. He threw his cigarette down and stepped on it. "I assume you don't like the smell" he said sarcastically. He walks over to me and stood beside me. "I haven't had one of these in two years" he said smiling. "What's up with you?" I said. "What do you mean?" He replied purposely keeping his self distracted. "Usually people run back to the past to seek comfort when the present becomes too shitty" I said, trying to open my can of drink. He waved it off , collecting the can from my hands and popping it open. He hands it back to me and placed his finger in my hairpin. I quivered, completely taken over by his random bravery. My face flushed as his hands came to my hair and moved away immediately. "That's distracting" his voice sounds husky. "Ermmm... okay?" I said confused. It was a small butterfly hair pin, barely visible,not dramatic enough to be distracting or whatever. I knew it from the playful grin on his lips,he was going to tease me. Something about the conversation from the bathroom had made us comfortable with each other. While he walked around the office and everyone treated him like a boss and the heir of a power billionaire. To him,he knew I saw through all that. "Calla Grayson were you expecting a kiss?" He quipped with a mischievous grin. He pulls out a dry leaf stick from him hands and showed it me."It was stuck on your hair?" He said , throwing it and looking sheepishly. "Ha-ha" I said sarcastically. I tossed his hands away and took a sip from my juice. Suddenly I felt unstable and I didn't want to feel like the teenager girl who got turned down. So I blurted out "I really don't understand why you'd take something that'd destroy your health" The same stupid smirk was plastered on his face. "Woah" "Yeahh..my mum's sick from that!" I snapped back, rolling my eyes. " I'm sorry " This reminded me of when I was in middle school and mum was constantly smoking. I had come home one day to tell her how we were taught that it was bad for ones health and but she shoved it aside. It got silent,we both stood quietly as million thoughts ran through my head. It wasn't my place to tell him not to smoke. I could feel the tension. We've barely had a conversation without apologies thrown around because we simply make it easy to piss each other off. "I met my dad ...it was actually a family business dinner " he began. His accent a little lost when he spoke. " We had a fight...thas why I've been a little off." "I'm sorry,if wasn't my place to ask...it wasn't my business. I just feel like between us, it's always an apology " "And so what?..." He said laughing. "You're obviously very annoying and you get on my nerves and I'm not exactly the least most arrogant person around...that's just us. We argue and we apologize." "We barely know each other,we met like...a week ago" I said in disbelief. "We don't know each other." "My God!,I want to know you then...I don't know if you've noticed,I like talking to you and I think you like talking to me too" he said. He's so arrogant and full of himself. "That's..that's not true" I denied. "You're not very slick when you stare" he chuckled "I want to know more things,you have the craziest lore and I want to know more." he finishes,his voice less audible,more soft. "I'm not your entertainment" I said defensive. "I never said you were." He still has the sheepy grin spread on his face. I paused. "You're insane..." I said..."okay" "How did you know you wanted to do this?... have you always known you'd get into fashion" "I want to be writer,then a nurse. At some point I wanted to be an actress. I'd stay up all night watching the red carpet waiting for Uman Truman. She had the most beautiful dress,I wanted to be able to design that. When we moved into our house,mum got me a machine--" I began to feel aware of my voice echoing so much words. "See..." He gave me the i-told-you look,still smiling. I smiled, feeling more comfortable,so I continued. "Well...I knew collage was out of the picture for me, I began to learn how to sew. I'd draw my own designs and I make them..." I said, recalling back before dad left to start a new family elsewhere. Mum had to take up a load because we couldn't afford the rent anymore. She fell into depression began to drink. On most nights we'd have to starve to eat and mum began spending so much on. "...this one just felt right." I finished. James full concentration on me,like he was reading subtitles on my face when I spoke. "What about you?" I said, clearing my throat nervously. "I don't really know... I'm 25years old and I don't know. I've never been allowed to decide all my life." His hands waved off in the air, holding no emotion I could read. "You'd know..." I said. A sense of comfortable silence befalls us as we stared out into the sky. My heart pounded in my chest. James Renault wasn't just the hot trust fund guy anymore,he was... My stomach twisted in knots with conflicting emotions of excitement and doubts. I could feel his eyes sneaking glances at me, I turned around the fifth time to catch me, staring at me hopeless. I feared the lust in his eyes were becoming more than I thought all along. His desperate plea and longing in his eyes pierced through my skin, leaving me standing...my knees weak. He watches me earnestly, waiting for my approval. His wasn't turning away anymore rather his eyes fell to my lips,then my eyes again. In all this,I stood frozen,my eyes locked to his, letting him give in to his sinful thought as his eyes wanders around my face...then my neck,no brace enough to fix his gaze lower than my neck. My breath tickles my throat. His looks back at me again. This time, almost like he had woken up from a trance, like he hadn't stood face to face mentally spiralling in his thoughts of me in his head. I pulled back, brushing my hair roughly with my fingers. He took a step back,flushed with embarrassment. "Woah...what was that?" I said awkwardly... frightened. He didn't say anything, instead he looked like he wanted to puke. He avoid my eyes and stared at the ground. The same eyes he had looked through a few seconds ago. I watched him retreating back and leaning away slightly "Ohh" he mutters ,he lingers for a few seconds,not wanting to leave immediately. "Ohh?" I repeated , neither of us could deny the awkward tinge that hung in the air,but I want to hear him say more. More than the stupid sound that he did. I wanted him to stop teasing me. But instead,he looked about uncomfortable. I took this as my cue to leave,and I let my legs spin around and began to walk away , before my other foot took another step. I felt a struggle and his grip pulled me close to him. His face buried into my neck,he didn't touch me. Just few inches to my skin,I felt his hot breath borrowing under my skin "Can I...?" He whisper daringly. I lost control of myself as my headed knotted. His lips pressed to my neck as he leaves soft hickes tracing his way to nibble my earlobe. I felt my heart racing as every touch felt like a work of art; like cold ice on skin after a sunny day. A silent moan escaped my lips. "You smells so nice...'' he mutters softly...he was teasing me and I hated him for it. I want him to kiss me. I wanted to know the taste of the tongue that teased me but he didn't leave my neck. His left hand was placed on my back and his right hand still held the can of soda. A loud noise came from the stairwell that lead to the rooftop, James pulled back and I pulled away swiftly. I looked back at him and he didn't look uncomfortable,he looked hurt . Everything was happening so fast. I looked to where we heard the noise as, Ravi,the new intern began to pickup the mannequin rolling down the stairs. He was backing us so he couldn't have seen us. I looked back at James again who now looks embarrassed,I took to my heels and walked quickly away back to my office , almost tripping on the mannequin head on the stires.James' POV "Hello James." A middle age woman with a thick framed glasses sat opposite me with a notepad in her hands.I smiled and adjusted my back in order to be comfortable on the chair. "Hello."I finally decided to give a call to the number on the therapist card Gus gave me. I booked an appointment and it was my first session. The room was very nature themed. It had wooden decorations,plants and fresh flowers displayed around. There were pictures of birds. So many birds. Different types,painted,printed and some were hand sketched. They were all framed and hung in the wall.The women had a very distinct smile,it wasn't too wide because it will feel forced but it also wasn't narrow. It was a perfect measure of warmth that a smile can produce. "Are you comfortable?" She asked.I nodded."Why don't you go ahead and tell me about yourself?" She smiled.She had a perfectly done veneer and her glass rested on the tip of her nose. She a thick locks for hair and her skin was brown like le
Calla's POV "James and I broke up." I said.It was Sunday night and I was on the phone we Julie. We haven't spoken in a almost a week. We were talking about so many things I almost forgot how much I missed this. When were going over a list of things we had missed out on in each other's life and I finally told her about James and I."Again? " She exclaimed. "Sorry...it's just,y'all been dating for like what 4 months in total and you guys have broken up like a million time ,I can't keep up.""Julie-" I paused trying not to bust into laughter by her vulgarity."Sorry baby. Are you good?" She asked."I don't know,it was really weird. We agreed on being friends." I said."Woah... friends uhn?..."I rolled my eyes. "Don't start...""You know,never in the history of 'just-friends' have ex's ever stayed 'just-friends' " "I just realized we're ex's now." I said after Julie's observation. "Wow.This is messy. I give y'all a few weeks.""This is low-key offensive." I said."I'm sorry...we have
James' POVI sat by the cliff side with my legs hanging on the air,searching for a reason. Ever since I was a little boy I'd get this feeling like I was being strangled and in that moment my soul would leave my body,I'd see myself gasping for air, suffocating, dying. And I'd be stay still-- watching , without trying to stop it. I wanted it to end-- for me to end.Growing up with an abusive father whose affluence held the world in a mist that he was a good man was hard. But I didn't realize how my suffering had been a series of loops by my enabling mother over some stupid summer fling she couldn't get over. I wanted more than anything to stop feeling shitty. To hide my strips as good as Vinora does. I was more fragile and it broke me. More than I ever thought was possible.Earlier today,I had promised Gus I was going to get help. Right after our first day at work, I jogged down to the local bar in a part of town where life was more real,and more slow paced. I sat there,on my second bo
Calla's POVThe past three days felt still like balancing on a one foot while standing on the edge of a mountain. I felt like I would free fall if I moved too much-- like I would break apartif I landed-- if I hear his name.'James.'James,was many things. Some versions I missed,some I may never know but he wasn't a bad guy and that was the only conviction I held onto. ' To stay as long as he tried to be better.' just like my mum said. I loved James,more than I had ever loved any man. It came like a soft breeze on a summer evening at first,then all at once like rain.He was the best thing that's ever been mine.Since my phone call with Gus,I've been on the edge trying to understand James reason for the breakup and how he went from no sleep to constantly being asleep. It was just because we were aprat. That was too surface. I couldn't let go of the taunting idea that this might be about the picture of our parents he found in London. Every since Mr Ranault went into coma James nerve wen
James' POV The thing about depression. It comes at you slowly, It's kinda like grief. First,you denied it,then you realize you've been empty on the inside all along. You're reaching out to a version of you that no longer exist.It's quiet. It's tint. It's corrupted in your mind. You find yourself leaving a crowded room to stand alone in the dark because it's more comforting. You get addicted to escaping the pain because you can't reach for the surface. It's like standing in a quicksand and sinking in. At first you shout for help ,you struggle and try to get out. Then,you realize no one is around and no one is coming to save you. So you let it consume you. You wait for it to kill you like a disease. And sometimes,it whispers in your head to do the killing by yourself.Sunlight hasn't hit the walls of my room since that night. The dark had become comforting and sleep have turned from my emeny to my closet friend. On the day after the treacherous phone call between Calla and I ,I had s
Calla's POVHave you ever felt like you're stuck on a sinking boat in the middle of the ocean? I felt just like that.The ocean is a scary place,some say it's an abyss of the unknown. You won't think of drowning,instead, you'd fear the silence,the sound of waves,the screams from beneath. Right then,the harmonious sounds from the shores wouldn't seem beguiling again. Rather it'd be as hunting as a death rattle-- taunting, disturbing,and petrifying.James was my ocean. I never thought I'd get lost to the point I didn't fear drowning in him. I feared the silence. I feared the unknown that laid below his shallow waters.To have someone you love flip without knowing what made the do so,hunts you. It tears you apart and leaves you confused. Confusion was the worst of all the feelings I felt. I cried and and howled like a wolf under the moon and I was mad at him for it,but my confusion left me in a maze I couldn't get out of. I couldn't understand why he decided on letting me go like that af