Chapter Four

It was morning already, sunlight streamed through the window, sharp and bright and landed on my face. 

I groaned and rolled to the other side of the bed, dragging my pillow over my head. Wishing yesterday had just been a dream.  But, reality was pounding at my skull hurts like a drum of solo. 

“Hangover I murmured, rubbing my temples”

I’ drank way too much last night, I hate hangover. There has to be a better way to deal with heartbreak

Sarah had slept over, last night was special kind of hell and  I was beyond grateful she’d come to my rescue. 

She was already up, I didn’t see her in the room. For a second I thought she’d left, but then I spotted her bag on the chair.  

I pushed myself out of bed, a mess in an oversized t-shirt with hair that looked like I’d been electrocuted. I didn’t care, going through heartbreak isn’t exactly a beauty pageant.  

I slipped on my slippers and shuffled to the kitchen. 

There she was making tea, the kind that promise to chase away hang over. 

“Hey girl, she said, her voice gentle. “How do you feel?” 

“I feel... good?” I said. The words coming out as a question. How was I supposed to sound, when I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling. 

She handed me the streaming jug and 

“Thank you” I whispered, my voice hoarse. 

I sat at the dining chair, watching her flip over pancakes. She moved around my kitchen like it was her own, making breakfast and fruit drink. 

The normalcy of it was grounding. For a few minutes, the world felt steady. 

“So” she said, sliding a plate of pancakes in front of me, “ who was that guy at the bar?” 

“Oh” I said a small, involuntary smile playing on my lips. 

“Kate”, she said, her eyes widening as she leaned in. “what are you not telling me?” 

“Well”, I began, picking at my pancake with my fork, “he came over while I was waiting for you.” 

“Okay, so did you guys get to know each other?” She asked, practically vibrating with curiosity. 

I bit my lip, trying to suppress a grin “Well, no.” 

“You must be joking, right?’, she dropped her fork with a clatter. “That guy is so hot, girl.”

“I’m serious” I said, trying to keep a straight face. “But...” 

“But what?” she pressed, her eyes sparkling. 

I took a breath, the memory of it flashing in my mind. I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and looked down at my plate “We kissed.”

Her jaw dropped. “Girl, that’s crazy.”

“I know right” I said with a real smile finally breaking through. 

“So did you guys exchange number?” She asked.

“No, we didn’t” I admitted. 

“Well how will you ever see him again?” 

“Honestly, I sighed, my shoulders slumping. “I had no idea.” 

We ate in a comfortable silence for a bit. The pancakes were perfect.

“You are the best”, I mumbled around a mouthful. “Marry me please.”

“Any date yet?” Sarah laughed. 

Then her expression softened. “Okay do you want to talk about it?”

I stared at my hands, tracing the grain of the wooden table. The memory was a physical weight in my chest. “ I walked into his apartment,” I said, my voice slow and deliberate. 

“I heard some sounds. I thought it was the TV  show we always watch together” I paused. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. 

“Okay” she said, nodding her head. 

“I saw him with someone else in his bed” I  said quietly.

“ He’s an idiot,” she said, her voice firm and full of a heavy sigh. 

Tears I hadn’t even felt coming slipped down my cheeks.  “I trusted him,” I whispered, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand.

Sarah leaned over and wrapped her arms tightly around my shoulders.  “I know,” she said softly. “We all make mistakes.”

We stayed like that for a few minutes, her strength holding me together. 

Then, she pulled back and clapped her hands, a determined light im her eyes. “Alright girl” Sarah said standing up. 

I blinked ”what?”

“We are going out, you’ve cried enough” she grabbed my arm and pulled me from the chair. 

Sarah is literally the best. I can’t have a conversation about my life without mentioning her. She is that one friend everyone wishes they had, the one you can always count on. 

“ I look like a mess,” I muttered. 

“Seriously, come on,” she said, ignoring my protest. “How about we go to the beach?”

“I’m not in the mood for that” I said, my voice flat. 

“You have to. No arguments,” she insisted, her hands on her hips. “I’ll go home, get dressed and come back to pick you up, no excuses.” 

“Sarah you’re stressing too much, I am fine”I said. Trying to sound convincing. 

“Clearly, you are not,” she countered.

I let out a long, dramatic sigh, a small smile tugging at my lips despite myself. I crossed my arms and cocked my head. “Alright, Wonder Woman. Have your way.”

I knew Sarah wouldn’t let it go, I think she has some kind of super power that made it impossible for her to leave me alone when I was hurting. 

We cleaned up the breakfast together. She washed the dishes while I wiped down the table. 

When we were done, she grabbed her her bag and headed for the door. 

“Go shower, I’ll be back soon.” 

“Yes ma’am.” I said in sarcasm.

“I’m damn serious” she said as shut the door. 

The apartment suddenly felt quiet. I stood for a moment before letting out a long sigh. 

“Where did I keep my phone?” I murmured. Scanning the room.

I finally found it, under the bed. I have no idea of how it got there. The screen lit up with 7 missed calls from Derek and string of text messsages.  I ignored them all and went straight to my gallery.

I started deleting everything. The videos of us laughing at the park. The selfies from our weekend trip. The picture of him kissing my cheek on my birthday. Each swipe was a small act of exorcism. It was eventful, a digital purge of three years. By the time I was done, my thumb was tired.

“Okay, Kate.” 

I stood up and walked to my wardrobe to find something to wear. I finally pulled out a black flowy beach cover up and a simple bikini to go underneath. 

Just as I was holding the clothes up to myself in the mirror, the doorbell rang. I went to open the door. It was Sarah. 

She stood there wearing sunglasses and carring a beach bag. 

“Don’t tell me you haven’t figured out what to wear yet” she said, walking right pass me into the apartment. 

“Don’t say that, I’ve got a fit” I replied following her to my room. 

“Alright, let me see.” she said.

 I showed her my choice. She looked at it, then at me and shook her head. “Finally” she said, before reaching into her bag and pulling out a bandeau bikini. “You’re wearing this.”

“You must be kidding… Not wearing that” I said, rolling my eyes. I’m not stable for all this I thought. 

“You will,” she said, her tone leaving room for debate. “Besides you'll look hot, you might even catch someone.” 

“I am not falling in love anymore” I replied with a heavy sigh. 

Sarah laughed. 

“Girl, who said anything about love?”

I sighed. “I’m serious.”

“But you don’t have to fall in love, you are allowed to have fun.”

I looked at myself at the mirror. Maybe she is right. 

                               *****

Two hours later, we were driving down the coast. Warmed air rushed through the open window. Whipping my hair across my face. We parked and got out, grabbing our bags. The oceans spread out beside us, a huge, breathing thing. 

“I don’t feel the beach” I said squinting against the sun as my hair danced around my face.

“Fresh air therapy” Sarah replied, already heading for the sand. “You need it.” 

“Sarah, you are so unbelievable,” I said, but I was smiling. 

We walked across the warm sand. Children laughed somewhere along the shoreline, and a couple passed us, holding hands. For a moment I paused a sharp pang of memory hitting me.  My phone buzzed in my bag. 

I pulled it out. It was him. “Hey is me, I’m so sorry for hurting you, I didn’t mean to. Please try and pick up. I love you.”

“Psycho” I murmured.

“What was that?” she asked.

“My ex” I said rolling my eyes.

“Girl I know that look, let me see” Sarah said.

I handed her the  phone. 

She read the message and pressed her lips together, trying not to laugh. 

“Oh, poor boy,” she said, maintaining a perfectly straight face. “Give him a chance.”

“You are being sarcastic right now,” I said laughing out loud. It felt good. 

“Look who’s laughing now,” she said with a satisfied smile. 

“Alright let’s have some fun” she declared, running towards the shoreline. 

We kicked off our shoes letting the cold  water rush over our feet.

“How do you feel now?” she asked.

“Cold and alive,” I said with a laugh. 

Then Sarah looked at me. 

“ Always remember that your life didn’t end yesterday,” she said, her voice suddenly serious. 

I smiled. 

We walked to the beach bar, got some cold lemonade, and then walked back to the shoreline.

“To a new beginning,” she said, raising her glass. 

“To a new beginning” I echoed, a genuine smile on my face. I took a sip of the cold lemonade. 

At first I thought my life had ended, dating a guy for three years it’s a lot to throw away. But then I realized that everything had changed and maybe change could lead to somewhere better. Sarah was right, maybe my relationship wasn’t the end of me. It was just an end of a chapter, the rest of the book was still waiting to be written.