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CHAPTER 55
ASTRALLAINE'S POV
Do you know the feeling that you are just going with the flow and still decided to live even if the world is too cruel and unfair to you?
The feeling that the past days were alright, but you will woke up numb and with hurtful realizations that will slap you hard. That you are in a reality. That your life is not a fiction.
I stared at nothingness and could not help but think why do I lose reasons to live. Yes, my life is fine now. But I do feel like something is missing. That I can feel that I am lacking of something that I cannot even explain. A big chapter of my life, or even a climax to reach my ending, yet, I do not know what it really is. I couldn't define it.
Yeah, I am already doing so fine. I have my job. My life is stable, but life could not just be perfect for us to be happy.
Everything is not perfect.
I sipped on the glass of my water and sighed
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Wretched Self CHAPTER 56
After asking the council about the address of my family, I went off to head the place they tell me. It is a very good thing that they have their address, because if not, I will struggle looking for them in just half of a day. I should not stay long because I will goo back to my home as soon as possible.But if I will took long, I will cancel all of my appointments and meetings and move it the next day. This is about my family and they matter the most. Yes, it has been so many years but my love for them never left me. Even if I don't feel them anymore, my heart still wants to be with them. I longed for them.I bit my lower lip as the map says that I am already near their place. I am nervous and excited at the same time. What will be my reaction once my eye gazes at them, anyway? Should I jump in so much joy and ran to them to embrace them? Or, should I cry? Tears of joy? Oh, the latter was so hilarious.I wonder how they
Wretched Self CHAPTER 57
"Have a snack."I forced a smile at Faye. "Thank you."Since I do not have the appetite to have a snack, I just get the water and drink it. My sisters were here already because Faye called them to go down. I miss them. I automatically embraced them while crying. I cried because of joy that finally, I saw them again. And the other reason of my tears is the thought of my mother passing away.I did not expect it. She has died three years ago but the news did not even reach to me? Why is that? Does Simon know this? If he does, why did not he tell it to me?"How are you?" I asked my sister's and looked at them. They were silent and was like shy to look at me."We were fine, Astra. We should ask you that. How are you? Are you doing alright? Where do you even live?" Faye faced me. I sighed and shook my head. They see, I am fine. I am asking them because they live here with no parents.
Wretched Self CHAPTER 58
Upon arriving home, I did not stop the car right in front of the gate of the house because I still saw the car where Jinx went out lately. Faye said that he already left! But why is his car is still there and parking? Is Jinx was inside the house together with my sisters?I sighed heavily. Why am I even trying to avoid that man? That I am afraid that he might saw me again for the first time in years?Why do I still have this feeling that I do not have the guts to face Jinx again? To show myself to him? To look at his face? To look at him in the eye?The mere thought of myself standing in front of him is like making me weak. Like, I came back to my old self where I have nothing but him alone?It feel nostalgic.I shook my head. Why am I still staying here? Do I have plans to lock myself here in my car? To stay here all the time and will just wait for Jinx to get out and go off the
Wretched Self CHAPTER 59
"Hey, wake up."I opened my eyes when I felt a hand on my shoulders. It was Faye who is trying to wake me up from sleeping. I looked outside the window and automatically rise up upon seeing the dark skies lurking the place.How fast the time flies. It is already evening?"Sorry, what time is it already?" I asked Faye as I stood up and started to stretch my arms."Six in the evening."Oh, nice. Six is the right time for me to prepare the foods. But why did she wake me up, though? Does she need something?"You need something? Why did you wake me up?" I yawned and started to walk towards the door."I woke you up because duh? This is Jinx's room for pete's sake."I stopped from walking in shock. I looked at her with my wide eyes. What?! This is Jinx's room?! I thought it was fucking her's?! So, I slept inside his room, an
Wretched Self CHAPTER 60
Time really flies too fast. When you want it to go slow, and adjust, it will just do the opposite one. And when you want it to fly fast, it will go slow. And the best thing to do is to not expect and think of something that is impossible that will definitely hurt your feelings in no time. Expecting is the thing we should avoid to keep our heart safe from pain. For us not to be disappointed, let us stop imagining things that will never happen.I subtly let out a small and light sigh before I looked up the stars. They were twinkling, and they look so happy the way they shines. Everyone of them were apart, that they have quite far distance. And that just means that we can shine alone. That we all do not have a companion to see the light and be the light. It will be our choice if we chooses to be the source of light to whom who only see darkness.I chewed my food and shook my head. Why am I thinking this? I mean, I am not even sad nor feeling lo
Wretched Self CHAPTER 61
Just like what I have said, I visited my parents in the cemetery. I talked to them and asked for their forgiveness. That I am sorry for not being there even in their last breath. That I wasn't a good daughter to them.After an hour of staying there, I went off, wiping my tears that has strolled down my cheeks. I really hope that I was there with them before they leave. Before they have vanished.I went inside my car and get myself fixed. I applied light make up on my face before I drove away from the place. I planned to go to Sew next and see if she is just fine in her home. I will never forget her because she is one of the reason why I am here in my current position and situation.In the midst of driving, my phone rang. I reached for it while my eyes were focus on the road. I answered the call without taking a glance on my phone to see who is calling. "Hello?" I answered the call and placed it near my ears
Wretched Self CHAPTER 62
I didn't know what happened next.I just found myself in a dark room where I see nothing but darkness alone. I didn't know how I get here. I do not know where I am. It was like, I was in my highway to hell. I felt like, this is my last.I tried to move, but I cannot.My hands were freaking tied!Where the hell I am?! How did I fucking get here?!I sighed heavily in anger. I then closed my eyes as the door from nowhere swung open. The bright light hit my eyes and face and so I have to not see it so it wouldn't hurt my eye.The hell. Am I in a horror movie?"You're now awake." A voice lurks in every corner of the room. I gulped as I had goosebumps. The voice is so... creepy. "How is your sleep, Astrallaine?"When I opened my eyes, a man standing amidst the light welcomed my eyesight. His face isn't clear to my view, but
Wretched Self CHAPTER 63
"You have the heart to know everything?"Even if I am afraid, I have to know everything. Even if I know that my heart could not take it, I have to bear with it. It sucks. The thought of not knowing the truth while you on the other hand were the one who is suffering in pain and agony because of the blame that people throw towards you."Yes, I have," I said bravely. I have to show him that I am not afraid at all. That I have the guts to accept everything. To know the truth. I have to know everything. I am in the center of the blame and so I have the rights to fucking know the freaking truth. I am in the midst of blame and I cannot even escape from it. I was stuck and I can only get off after I get through the barrier and challenges.His lips automatically formed a devilish grin. "Waste time to know the truth before you will die?"When I nodded my head with no hesitation, the expression of his face chan
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