CHAPTER 170

MOONA POV

I hear Cain’s car pull away and it breaks my heart.

      He’s running from me.

 He’s running because he doesn’t want me. He’s running because I made a stupid fucking mistake and showed him my tits and he hated them.

      He hates me.

I try to calm myself down because things never end well when I get freaked out. I try to tell myself that I didn’t just fuck up so bad that I have to leave this place.

That Cain isn’t like the others.

They let me stay because they had to, because I was a kid and they were obliged to care for me. Cain let me stay because he wanted to, and he hasn’t kicked me out yet, not even when he thought I was being a lazy bum all day.

 Maybe he won’t throw me out for showing him my tits either.

I take a shower to get rid of the mud, and hope I can wash the embarrassment off with it. My plans for a passionate encounter in the kitchen seem so fucking silly now. He didn’t even touch me.

 I thought he wanted to, but he couldn’t have. Not someone like Cain.

      Cain’s the kind of guy to go for what he wants, I know him well enough to know that. And he didn’t.

  He couldn’t drive away fast enough.

The more I think about it the angrier I feel. Two guys and neither of them want me. 

And why?

Am I hideous? Am I too fucked up for them to want to touch with a bargepole?

      Raul Elf didn’t seem like that.

      Nick didn’t seem like that.

      Neither did Ace, or Peter.

      They all wanted to fuck me.

 They may not have wanted me, but they wanted my pussy.

      But not Cain or Brian.

 I guess my pussy just isn’t good enough for Cain or Brian, no matter what I do.

No matter if I spend all fucking week trying to prove to the both of them that I really can be good and work hard. No matter if I show Cain a hundred fucking pictures of how hard I work, it doesn’t matter.

 They still don’t think I’m good enough.

I feel the anger brewing. Stupid anger that makes me act like a crazy bitch. Stupid anger that protects me against getting hurt and upset and pushed away.

 I throw some clean clothes on and check out of the window.

      He’s still gone.

 I can’t believe they’ve both gone out and left me here on a Friday evening, like they think I’m just going to sit around and do nothing while they’re off having a good time or doing whatever fucking important shit is worth leaving me home alone for.

I don’t have any money, and once upon a time I’d have dipped into the envelope of cash I know Cain keeps in the kitchen drawer next to the tea towels. I’d have told myself I’d earned it with all the fucking manual labour I’ve been doing this week.

But I have no Raul demanding money, not this week, and I don’t want to take any for myself, either.

I don’t want to take anything from Cain, not now he’s been so kind to me.

      Not now that I care about him.

So I don’t.

 I pull on my boots and head out the front door without so much as a penny in my pocket.

But this time I do have my ID.

•

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BRIAN POV

 Cain and I stare at each other for what feels like an age. My palms are clammy as I think the unthinkable; that I might have to watch my best friend become romantically involved with the girl I’m in love with.

It’s not that I’d resent Cain for being happy, or Moona either. Of course I wouldn’t.

But fuck, the thought makes me feel sick as a dog.

 “If you want to be with her, I’ll back off,” Cain says. “You saw her first.”

 “How could I make a move now, knowing you want her too?”

  “I’d deal with it,” he says. “I’d have to deal with it.”

      

“And I’d have to deal with it if it was you she wanted to be with. And it might be. She’s barely spoken a word to me in days.”

 “But she wanted you first. She almost certainly still does.”

  “She showed you her tits less than an hour ago. I’d say her interest in you is pretty current, Cain.”

 He shakes his head. “I can’t believe this is happening. Both of us going fucking crazy over an eighteen year old girl.”

 “She’s not like other girls,” I say and he laughs.

“No, she fucking isn’t. She’s a whole fucking whirlwind of trouble.”

      “I could lose my job,” I told him.

  “I’d be more worried about your bloody mind than your job, man.”

 He’s got a point. I think of my colleagues back inside the pub, imagining their faces if they discovered I’d made a move on Moona Avii.

Shit like that never ends well, especially around here. And it shouldn’t.

 Professionals shouldn’t abuse their position. Professionals should never discard their moral ideals and pursue girls that were once in their care. Professionals definitely shouldn’t be sitting in a car outside a pub on a Friday evening trying to work out which one of them is going to make a move on a girl with a whole raft of behavioural issues.

      But here we are.

“What is it you like about her?” I ask him.

He takes a breath. “Her spirit, her smart mouth, her wildness. Her laugh. Her smile. The sweetness in her when she lets her guard down. Her pixie nose. The way her hair moves. The way she argues the toss about every fucking thing in the world.”

His words make me smile. He’s right. She’s really quite something.

“We shouldn’t even be contemplating it,” I say. “Neither of us. She’s too young. She’s unpredictable. She needs stability.”

 “She needs discipline.” A pause. One of those long pauses I’ve come to know means someone’s about to spit something out. “And love. She needs love too.”

      Love.

It’s strange to hear the word come out of Cain’s mouth. He was evasive on the topic even after he got down on one knee for his ex, answering my questions on whether she was really the one with nothing more than a shrug of the shoulders and it'll do.

“What the fuck are we gonna do, Brian?”

I have nothing. Nothing but an uneasy churn in my gut as I contemplate the potential outcomes. Cain and her, me and her. Neither of us with her.

      Losing my job.

 Losing our friendship. My best friendship.

      Losing Moona.

 “You’ve known her for weeks. How do you know this wouldn’t be like the others?” I ask.

 “She’s already nothing like the others.”

      “She’s nothing like anyone.”

      He smiles. “You got that right.”

 I’ve a suspicion I’ve got everything right, and this whole setup is snowballing into disaster in front of our eyes.

He sighs. “She should choose. It’s not our call.”

 Even the concept makes me edgy. Choosing me, choosing him – and I suspect she’d choose Cain, because who wouldn’t? The guy’s great. He’s my best friend for a reason.

“We need to think about this,” I tell him. 

“We need to consider judgement. Her welfare has to be our top priority. Her security comes first, beyond anything else.”

      “Agreed,” he says.

          

I look beyond him to the lights on in Sassy’s. “I should get back. I’ve got to get through this leaving party before I can find my bearings. You’ve dropped quite a fucking bombshell on me.”

I’m expecting him to speed off back home to hole up with Moona just as soon as I make a move, but he doesn’t.

 He gets out of the car when I do and bleeps the central locking. “I think I need a drink after all this. Do you think your co-worker will mind if I gatecrashes?”

The prospect is a good one. Having Cain at my side in Sassy’s will be a strangely comforting norm amongst the turbulence.

      “I’m sure you’ll be very welcome.”

There’s a smile on my face as we cross the car park. A friendly slap on the back as we head in through the rear entrance.

 But an ache in my heart that no amount of rational thought will ever make go away.