CHAPTER 169

BRIAN POV

I barely even know this temp. It’s like we’re having a bastard leaving party for everyone these days, even if they’ve only been there five minutes. Sassy’s is busy with Friday night drinkers, and I’m huddled in a corner, wedged between Alice and Margaret as they recount office stories from ten years ago.

They were boring the last three times I heard them, and my nerves are on edge as the clock ticks, counting down my window of opportunity in which I can legitimately turn up at Cain’s to see Moona.

She can’t freeze me out forever, even if she’s doing a mighty fine job of it this week.

I’m not usually jealous, that isn’t my style, and I definitely shouldn’t be jealous of Cain, given that he’s been my best friend for almost a lifetime, through thick and thin and everything in between, but I am.

I’m jealous of the way she doesn’t snipe at every word he utters. I’m jealous of the way he goes to sleep in the room next door to her every evening.

 I’m jealous of the closeness they’re developing right before my eyes.

And I’m jealous of the Friday night they’re undoubtedly spending together in my absence.

 We’ve been in Sassy’s for over two hours and the party shows no sign of slowing down. I keep eying my watch in an attempt to rustle up an excuse, but every time I do, Alice pats my wrist and tells me to lighten up.

 I’m about to drop Cain a text to scope out a late-night beer at his, but the minute I pull my phone from my pocket the bleep of a message comes through.

Our thoughts must have crossed in the ether, because it’s from him.

  ‘We need to talk. Meet you in Sassy’s car park.’

      My blood runs cold.

    Talk.

  We need to talk.

There’s only one thing he’ll be wanting to discuss with me in Sassy’s car park with no prior warning, and I wonder what crazy shit she’s done now.

Surely nothing worse than the crow incident.

The idea he’s had enough of her, both horrifies and thrills me in equal measure.

I get up from my seat and squeeze through Alice’s side, offering up excuses about having an urgent call that needs attending to. They groan and roll their eyes, telling me the night is still young, and I do the polite thing of insisting I’ll be back soon, just get me a nice cold beer to come back to.

Cain’s already in the car park when I step outside. His engine is still running as I climb into the passenger seat.

“What’s she done now?” I ask before he can speak.

His hands are on the steering wheel. His fingers give it a frustrated squeeze before he cuts the ignition.

“She’s fixed my fencing,” he says. “She’s done a great job. Worked like a trooper.”

It takes me a moment to register his words. “She’s fixed your fencing? On her own?”

      

“On her own.”

 “And that’s good, right?” I prompt. “That’s good news?”

He sighs. “And she showed me her tits. Pulled her top right down in front of me.”

My throat dries up. “But why did she…do that?”

“Because I told her to. Because she showed me a dodgy selfie that she definitely wanted me to see, maybe even both of us, and I called her out on it. I said if she wanted me to see her tits she should have just showed me, not dicked about playing stupid games with a fucking camera.”

 My gut lurches. “And what did you do?”

  

 He sighs again. “What do you think I fucking did? I told her it couldn’t happen. That it wouldn’t be right.”

The relief floods through me until I see the guilt on his face.

 “So what’s the problem?” I say. 

“What are you trying to say?”

He twists in his seat to face me and I know shit’s about to get serious.

“Man to man,” he says. “Are you serious about not going there? Because if you are…”

      I hold up a hand. “Serious about not going there with Moona? She’s eighteen years old, of course I’m serious. She needs stability and support, not a–”

“I think I’m falling for her,” he says over me, and my words shrivel in my throat. “I think I’m falling for her, and I don’t know how long I can hold back from acting on it, because I’m a fucking dick who can’t keep his dick in his pants. But if you want her, if you really want her and this is a load of politically correct bullshit morality you’re spouting and nothing more, then I’ll…”

  “Then you’ll what?” I ask. “Then what will you do?”

He tips his head back against the window. “Then I don’t fucking know what I’ll do. I don’t fucking know what either of us will do.”

      And neither do I.

      My heart is beating in my ears. My stomach twisted up as I contemplated the cold hard reality of my best friend falling for the girl I’m in love with.

I can’t lie to him. I don’t want to lie to him.

  And I don’t want to lie to myself, either.

      “I’m in love with her,” I admit, and it sounds despicable even as I say it.

      “Fuck,” he says.

      “Fuck,” I agree.

     

He takes a deep breath. “Well, fuck. 

That really puts us up shit creek.”

I close my eyes. “When she showed you her–” I paused. “Does she want you? Does she… have feelings?”

 “Fuck knows what the girl wants,” he says. “She doesn’t think you’re interested. Says you blew her out and don’t give a shit about her. She probably thinks the same about me.”

 A wave of regret washes over me. “She really thinks that?”

I open my eyes and he’s staring right at me. “She’s not as confident as she thinks she is. It’s all bluster. I don’t think she has any idea how attractive she is.”

      “And she thinks she’s not good enough…”

      “Yes, that’s what I’d suspect.” His fingers tap against the steering wheel. “Not gonna lie to you, Brian. She’s under my fucking skin.”

 I laugh, because what else is there to do?

  “The Moona Avii effect. Welcome to my world.”

  “We need to work out what we do from here, because she’s in my house, Brian. She’s in my house and I can’t stop thinking about her.”

“And neither can I,” I admit. “I haven’t been able to think about anything else for months.”

      “Fuck,” he says again.

“We can’t act on this,” I tell him. “She needs to know she can count on us. She needs to know she’s safe, and supported.”

“She doesn’t need pandering, she needs discipline. She needs to feel part of something, and to feel part of something she needs to know there are ground rules.”

 I sigh. “Cain, it’s not that simple. Moona has behavioural issues, she’s been let down by the system and –”

He shakes his head. “She pushes away everyone that gives a shit about her. She tests people and they always fail. They fail because they refuse to stand their ground and pull her up on her bullshit. They expect her to behave like a fucking nightmare so she does. But not in my house. Not with me.”

“You’ve known her for a couple of weeks,” I tell him.

 “And you’ve been working with her for five months and she speaks to you like you’re a piece of shit.”

His observation smarts. “What’s your point?”

 He shifts in his seat. “My point is that your approach isn’t working, not with her. If we’re going to get her through whatever crap she’s got going on in that pretty head of hers, we need a united front. She needs to know that she can’t just throw her fucking toys out of the pram without consequences.”   

“And you plan to do that by fucking her? Is that what you’re saying?” My tone is more brutal than I intend.

“I’m not saying anything about fucking the girl, Brian. I’m just making an observation. Whether I fuck her or not is incidental.”

      “Incidental?”

 He nods. “Yeah, incidental. One of us is going to end up fucking the girl. Now or in six fucking months, it doesn’t matter. The question is, how do we make sure this situation works in a way that doesn’t fuck one, two or all fucking three of us right up.” He pauses. “We’ve been friends a long time, Brian. Never has a girl come between us so far, I don’t want it to start now.”

 My laugh is low and mainly for my benefit. “You’ve never been interested in a girl long enough for her to come between us, what makes you think Moona is going to be any different?”

 “Because I think I’m falling in love with her,” he says, and my heart fucking stops. “When I said I’m falling for her, I meant it, Brian. I mean I’m falling for her hard.”

“And I’ve already fallen,” I tell him. “Hard.”

      He nods. “So what do we do now? Where the fuck do we go from here?”

I shake my head. Sigh, then take a breath.

“I have no fucking idea.”