CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

GWEN POV

I took a deep breath. I tried to slow down my hands, which were shaking badly. This was the moment of truth.

I held the pregnancy test stick and did exactly what the paper instructions told me to do. Then, I put the test stick down on the counter next to the sink. The instructions were very clear: I had to wait for three full minutes.

Three minutes. It felt like a lifetime.

I stared at the little window on the stick. Nothing was happening yet.

To keep myself busy, I grabbed the second test kit. I read the instructions again, word for word, just to take my mind off the waiting. I used the second test, placed it right next to the first one, and started staring at both of them.

“Come on,” I whispered to the two plastic sticks. My voice sounded weak. “Just be negative. Please be negative.”

The first minute crawled by so slowly. Then the second one. I felt a tight, cold knot forming deep in my stomach. I was holding my breath, watching the empty, white windows on the sticks.

Finally, after what felt like an hour, the third minute was over.

I leaned in very close to look at the first test. It had two pink lines.

My breathing completely stopped. Two lines.

I stared harder, shaking my head. No. I must have read the instructions wrong. I quickly picked up the box again, reading the most important part: One line is negative. Two lines is positive.

My eyes quickly moved to the second test. It also had two clear, bright pink lines.

The box slipped from my fingers and dropped onto the tiled floor. My knees felt weak, like jelly. I had to grab the edge of the counter hard to keep myself from falling down.

Two lines.

I was pregnant.

I slowly sank down onto the closed toilet seat in total disbelief. This cannot be happening to me.

Still refusing to believe it, I went back to my room. I grabbed my phone and searched the Internet for "how accurate are pregnancy tests." I was immediately disappointed to learn they are almost always correct.

Then I searched for my birth control pills, wondering if there had been a public announcement that my brand was broken or recalled. No, they hadn't been.

What I did learn was that the low-dose pills I was taking to control my period could stop working if I didn't take them at the same time every single day. I always took my pill, but not always at the same time. I remembered one night at the cabin, when I didn't want to get up from Nolan's arms by the fireplace, so I took the pill the next morning instead.

Oh, God.

I fell back onto the bed. No matter what I did now, my life would be completely changed from this moment on.

I thought through all the possible choices. I couldn't imagine giving my baby up for adoption, but I knew this wasn't just about me. I had a child to think about. I wasn't helpless, but could I give a child everything they needed right now? There were so many couples who wanted to be parents but couldn't. They would give my baby a good home.

Then I remembered something important: Nolan would have to be involved in the adoption paperwork. That would mean telling him. That option was immediately out.

It looked like I was going to be a parent.

The biggest problem was money, but I knew Nolan was rich and could help with that.

‘Leave me the fuck alone.’*

I let out a harsh, tight laugh as I remembered Nolan's angry words mixed with my current situation. I could only imagine the truly awful things he would say if I told him I was pregnant with his child.

Did I have to tell him? I probably should, but he would immediately accuse me of trying to trick him or try to say the baby wasn't his. Most likely, he’d offer me a huge amount of money to disappear forever. Maybe I could use that money to raise the baby myself.

By the end of the day, I had thought about every single thing that could happen. It was strange how the fear of an unplanned pregnancy slowly changed into something like excitement. Well, maybe not excitement, but by the time I went to bed, I was set on keeping my baby. I had already started to love the tiny life growing inside me. I didn't know how I would manage it, but I would start figuring it out tomorrow.

•

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•

The next day, I woke up feeling afraid, but also very determined. I would finish school, have my baby, and live a happy life.

The first thing I needed to solve was school. Could I finish my classes while pregnant? Yes, I decided. I would only be five or six months pregnant when I graduated. I knew women worked until their due dates, so I could definitely finish school.

Getting a job after graduation might be harder, but if I could get a teaching job, maybe I could find one that started in the fall, a few months after the baby was born.

The next issue was April and Nolan. At some point, I wouldn't be able to hide my growing belly. What would I tell April, my roommate and best friend? For a moment, I wondered if Aaron could pretend to be the father, but that idea was crazy and unfair to him.

The biggest worry was: What if April told Nolan that I was pregnant? Would he guess that he was the father? Could I convince him the father was someone else? I regretted ever telling him I was a virgin that night.

The easiest and safest solution was to move back home and hide my pregnancy from both April and Nolan. My heart hurt at the thought of losing April's friendship, but I had to protect myself and the baby.

I spent the next week quietly putting my plan into action. I made arrangements with the school to take my remaining classes online. I changed my teaching internship to a school closer to my dad's house. I packed up my few belongings—it wasn't much since April owned and furnished the entire house; I basically just rented a room from her.

I know it was cowardly of me, but I waited to leave until April was gone on a date with her boyfriend, Cole. I left her a short note, saying I was sorry, but I had to go.

In my old, very full car, I headed home. On the way, I stopped at the phone store to get a completely new phone number. I needed to cut all my ties to this city and to Nolan.

I finally arrived at my father’s home. I knew my father would take me in and support my decision to keep the baby, but I was also sure he'd be disappointed that I had been so careless. He would tell me that the baby's father must pay his share, but I was ready to tell him that I didn't know the father. That he was just an anonymous one-time thing hookup at a New Year's party. My dad would be shocked and disappointed about that, too, but it had to be done.

I parked in the driveway and carried my heavy bag up to the front door. I knocked, and then slowly opened the door.

"Hey, Dad. I'm home."