Panic Mode

I really can't believe how much of a jerk Jacob turned out to be. I mean I know that Ella had always been this way but Jacob?" Jessica scoffed. "Who would have thought?"

I managed a smile as I slumped into her couch, turning the armrest into a pillow. My hands hugged my body softly as I shuddered. "I can't believe how long I let them fool me. Not anymore."

Jessica sighed softly and sat down close to me. "I am so glad that you put an end to that terrible marriage. You deserve better."

I smiled. "But how come I feel like I have lost?" Jacob's words came back to haunt me. How long would I last? Was I strong or just pretending to be? My feelings were a mess.

"Hey," she snuggled in closer. "That's because you spent half a decade nurturing a dead plant with hope that something magical was going to happen. You gave your all for that marriage and they let you down. But this is not the end but the beginning, you're free now. You can live according to your own rules. Make yourself happy."

"Hmm..." I responded with a smile.

I understood what she was saying, I understood all her words clearly. But it was impossible not to feel the way I felt.

As much as I tried to tell myself it was a new beginning, i kept feeling like I lost. Jacob's face came back to haunt me, his smug smile, his murderous gaze, his words...

Ella crept into my mind, she had it all. She won. At least, she stole everything from me. I was just a caregiver, not the true owner. And now she took everything from me without even giving me payment.

My mother, my own mother, always reminding me that I was worth nothing, always reminding me that my own younger sister was better than me.

Ella and I were products of different fathers, but still fruits of the same mother. Ever since my father left my mother, she had hated me, pinning my father's sins on me.

The sting from her slap still burnt my face, almost like she had branded her hatred on me.

Tears threatened to fall down my face. Where was I to start from? I branded a smile on my face, knowing well that I would burst into tears if i didn't.

"What do I do now, Jessy?" I asked her, a soft sigh escaping my mouth. "where do I start from? I don't even have a place to stay, no family."

"Why worry about something like that? You can stay with me," she took my hands in hers and squeezed them softly. "I am here. I always will be. I will be your friend and your family, now and forever."

My eye lids fell over my eyes, tears trailing down my face.

"Hold on," she rose to her feet and hurried to the kitchen. she returned with a glass of water in her hand, "here, drink up. Have you had anything to eat today? You must be hungry."

She was right, I had not ingested a single thing all morning. But I shook my head, opening my eyes. "I'm fine."

She pouted, obviously angry, but she did not say anything. She let out a sigh and sat back down, placing the water on the centerpiece.

Out of the blue, a sudden nausea hit me and I sprang to a sitting position.

"Blaire?"

"I--" my stomach churned, I could feel everything rushing for my throat at once. I sprang to my feet and rushed to the bathroom.

"Blaire!" She called out as she chased after me.

Gripping the water closet, I hurled out the little that was inside of me, arching my back as my stomach continued to push out what was not there.

"It's okay..." Her voice soothed me as she rubbed down my back and held back my hair.

Wiping mouth with the back of my mouth, I pressed the button to flush before glueing my back of the cold tiled wall and sitting on the ground.

"Are you okay? My goodness, you're as pale as a ghost." She gasped softly. Her small hands reached out to measure my temperature, "we need to get you checked."

"I'm fine--" the words hung in my throat. Fear trailed down my back as a thought washed over me.

Few weeks ago, Jacob and I had been together in the bedroom, making intense love with each other.

Jessica gripped my hand, "I'm not taking no for an answer."

***

Sitting on the examination table, anxiety caused my stomach to churn. I felt like I wanted to throw up but I suppressed it, desperately praying and hoping that my suspicion was not true.

Jessica sat in the room, supporting me with her unwavering smile, her legs though gave her away. She could not stop shaking them, she was panicking.

The doctor-- a handsome man with deep blue eyes, walked in, my test results in his hands.

I hopped off the examination table as he walked in and Jessica rose to her feet. Fear twisted my insides as the words poured out of his mouth. "Congratulations Miss Quincy, you are four weeks pregnant."

A sudden pain pierced through my chest. "What?"

"Well," he flipped through a page. "The symptoms you are having currently, it's only normal at the first trimester but--"

"No no no..." I ran my fingers through my hair. My system immediately fell into panic mode. "I can't have this baby! I don't want anything that ties me to Jacob! No, I can't-- I--"

"Blaire..." Jessica pulled me into her arms. "Breathe okay?"

Every breath was like a sharp knife cutting through my throat.

She pulled away and looked into my eyes. "I wasn't going to tell you amidst all of this turbulences but... I got a job in California. I'm relocating."

"What?" I stared confusedly at her.

"I want to give you a choice now. I know how scared you are but I want you to remember that I will forever be by your side. I want you to come with me, start a new life, away from Jacob and your mother."

I fell silent. My life was a mess, but could it get any worse? I had nothing left to lose. Nothing demanded my presence here anymore. I nodded.

"I'll come with you."